Breathless
by LisaMack
Summary: Sequel/conclusion to the Toni/Sam story that started in "Words".


**A/N: I have to say the only thing that has ever truly bothered me in all the seasons of SPN is how they treated Sam not looking for Dean when he was in Purgatory. All I needed to hear was him say that he tried but with Dean and Cas and Bobby and... Well you see where I'm going... But with everyone gone who else could he turn to? So in my Toni universe I came up with an alternative for why he did what he did. **

**I hope you enjoy the conclusion to Sam and Toni's story!  
**

Breathless:

Dean was still straightening his tie as he pushed open the door with his backside, so he didn't get a chance to get a good look at the bright, larger than life-size appliqués of cartoon characters, that he couldn't have named if you held a gun to his head, until he was actually inside the room. At first sight of them he unconsciously made a noise that was dangerously close to sounding like a laugh of derision, but he was quick to cover it up and compose himself by straightening out the front of his blazer against his torso. Thankfully the young lady behind the desk was completely immersed in a conversation on the phone, so Dean appeared to be nothing but a consummate professional to her when he was able to catch her eye as he stepped closer to where she was standing behind the desk that ran nearly the full length of the room's back wall.

She gave him a bright, brilliant, disarming smile that he was sure she flashed at anyone and everyone who entered through the door he had just passed through. Something about the customer always being right or always putting the customer came to mind when he saw that type of smile. Or maybe she was just one of those people who really did enjoy their job and was genuinely friendly to everyone that she met no matter the circumstance. It didn't very much matter either way to the hunter impersonating a FBI agent except that she didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to finish her phone conversation in order to start a new conversation with him.

At first he didn't mind that she remained so focused on her job because it gave him a moment to finally take in his surroundings. The room seemed much brighter than any of the other offices that he and Sam had visited in this building. It was also much more colorful than pretty much any office he had ever been in his whole life. It didn't give off that bland, sterile vibe that all of the other spaces had given off and he couldn't immediately put his finger on it. Of course one of those offices he was comparing this one to belonged to a doctor and another to a plastic surgeon, so he guessed that it could be considered somewhat comforting to their patients that they kept their offices as clean as their operating room which meant that they were safe in the surgeon's hands, right?

He stood by the counter contemplating that fact when a soft noise just beyond the wall behind the counter jostled him out of his thoughts. Was that a baby crying that he heard? He then quickly looked around, his eyes went from the wall in front of him to the two to his left and right before glancing at the direction he had come from and then his eyes landed on the door in front of him again. Of course there was a baby crying somewhere deep within the bowels of this room, this was the Day Care Center where most of the professional women that spent the better part of their day dropped off their little ones while they slaved away to earn the money to pay to have other people to raise their children for them.

Dean couldn't help but shake his head in distain at that thought. Sure his and Sam's childhoods hadn't been picture perfect, but at the end of the day Dean truly was proud that he could boast that it was his father and Bobby who had helped to mold him into the man that he was today and not some stranger. In fact he had hoped that by offering to take the second and third floors that he could avoid this place because who would have thought that the daycare would be anywhere but the first floor?

Now more than ever he wanted to get this interview done and over with as quickly as possible, so Dean tried once again to make some meaningful eye contact with the woman on the phone behind the counter. She seemed to be even more focused on the person on the other side of the phone than the last time that he had made eye contact with her, so Dean pulled out his FBI badged and placed it on the counter top, face up as loudly as he possibly could. That movement caught her eye and when she turned her head to look at whatever it was Dean was still holding, her eyes bulged out in near shock.

It took her a couple of minutes to regain her ability to breathe and during that time she didn't seem to be able to take her eyes off of the fake piece of identification as she said into the phone, "Yes… I understand your concerns Mrs. Murphy and I promise that I will have Joan call you as soon as she is able to so that she can discuss it with you but unfortunately I have to go right now… Yes, of course… Okay… Yes… Okay… Thank you for understanding. No that's alright… Okay… Yes, alright… okay… Good bye."

After she disconnected from the call, the worker very carefully placed the handset on the counter instead of turning around to place it on its base to recharge its battery.

"I am so sorry to keep you waiting Agent… Uhh…" She paused to look down and properly scrutinize Dean's badge again to check if she could read his name on it or not. To her relief she could as she corrected herself, "I mean Special Agent Smith, but I thought that you were just… I mean that you were one of the dads that I haven't met yet and I was dealing with a mother on the phone that's… well anyway I figured that you wouldn't mind waiting a couple of minutes because we pride ourselves…"

"That's quite alright," Dean cut-in when he realized that the daycare worker wasn't going to pause to take a breath anytime soon. She blushed softly and ducked her head in response before he continued, "And please, there really isn't any need for use to be so formal, so just call me 'Dean' alright?"

That comment seemed to help to put her somewhat at ease because she let out a rush of a breath that she had been holding and thrust her hand over the counter top saying, "I'm Melody. How can I help you today Special… I mean Dean?"

He shook her hand and then swiftly pulled out a notebook with a pen at the ready as he answered, "Well Melody, I just have a couple of questions about the accident that happened her last week for you… So, where were you when the accident happened?"

"Disney World." Dean's head shot up at that simple, concise response causing Melody to smile and raise her left hand so that he could easily see the diamond encrusted rings on her left ring finger. "I was on my honeymoon, so the only things that I know about what happened here during that time are from gossip and rumor… I'm sorry that I can't add anything new for you."

Trying not to show his disappointment at not hearing anything new along with his relief that he could get away from the office building's nursery, Dean smiled politely while moving to put his notebook away saying, "No… No that's alright. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me… Oh… And… Congratulations on… yeah…"

As Dean turned to make his escape… or to leave, however you want to label it, Melody called out, "Thank you, but… Dean? I may not have been here, but my boss was… Did you want to speak to her instead of me? I can go and get her if you do because she's just in the back there."

Dean stopped in his spot and forced a smile onto his face before he turned back around to face the newlywed. "If you think that she can spare a moment of her time, I would really appreciate having the opportunity to talk with her. Thank you Melody."

"For the freaking FBI…? Of course she'll be able to spare the time!" Melody opened the gate that was built into the counter tops and held it open for Dean to walk through. "Just follow me, right this way."

She then led Dean to a door that had similar decorations to those that were plastered against the front, main door, but she suddenly stopped before opening it. "Oh shoot! Shoot! I think that we still have one child that hasn't been picked up yet… Hmm… Just give me one second to see if we can figure this out, okay?"

Before Dean could even formulate the words to answer, Melody had already slipped through the door that led to the inner parts unknown to Dean. He stood in his spot awkwardly looking round the room again as if it might offer him some answers and then he jumped slightly in his spot when the door he was studiously tried to ignore crashed open mere moments after he had been left alone.

"He's actually gone back to sleep, so Joan said that you should head right in," Melody announced a little too cheerfully for Dean's comfort.

Dean was just about to say something along the lines of a relieved "Thank you" when he was suddenly cut off by a breathless voice calling out from the door behind him, "I'm SO sorry that I'm late!"

"Oh that's fine!" Melody replied enthusiastically while effectively ignoring Dean as he walked past her.

Dean in turn just shook his head and continued down the hallway beyond the door that Melody had just returned through. The sooner that he got inside to speak with the other daycare worker, the sooner he could get out of here, period to compare notes with Sam. After that they could hopefully get this job done because it had already taken much longer than either of the two Winchesters had anticipated which always make them antsy… Well it made Dean antsy and caused Sam to be more nervous because it made his brother so uncomfortable.

Melody then hurried over to the counter behind Dean to greet the new-comer with a genuinely happy smile and cheerful, "No need to apologize, we're open for another hour, so you really didn't need to rush Mrs. …"

"Toni, Melody… Please call me Toni," the other woman interrupted still sounding somewhat breathless. "I… I didn't know about the change in your hours…"

"You didn't? Oh… SHOOT! They must have forgotten to give you the notice while I was away… Here I'll print one off for you." Melody moved down to the right end of the counter where the phone and computer sat without interrupting her own discourse. "Joan decided to extend our hours now that the yoga studio has finally opened their doors." She then finally turned her eyes to look the other woman straight on and gave her a cheeky smile because the customer was only dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a bra tank while sweat dripped freely from her chin. "She figured that a lot of you would be wanting to take advantage of them setting up a studio in the building. How did you like it?"

Toni smiled and was glad that her cheeks were already flushed to a bright pink from being in the hot yoga studio because she knew that she was also blushing from embarrassment as she honestly answered, "It was a heck of a lot harder than I had expected."

"Oh! It was your first time? Well I personally love it and I cannot wait until I can try them out. How was the class size? Oh… and the instructor?"

Since she wasn't used to being on this side of the interrogation, Toni tried to laugh softly before she answered, "Well there was only five of us in the class which was nice because it let the instructor give those of us that needed more than a little extra guidance a little more one on one instruction. Tino, uhh the instructor, he… He seemed pretty nice, but he isn't the regular hot yoga instructor. The regular instructor… Well she had some kind of family emergency or something so Tino had to fill in at that last minute, so the class started later than…"

"Which is why you came rushing in," Melody finished with a sympathetic smile on her face.

Toni took the printout that was being held out to her and felt a little bit more relaxed in that moment. She then tried to return the smile answering, "That's exactly it. I thought I had everything all timed out right, but you know what they say about the best laid plans…"

"That I do! Well Ryan's still sound asleep, so if you wanted to head on out to catch a shower and get changed or anything…"

"No," Toni replied quickly "that's okay, I'll just shower when I get home. I don't think he'll mind my appearance at all."

Melody laughed heartily as she said, "Of course that's so true. I'll go and get him for you Miss—Toni… Sorry I'll got get him for you Toni."

"Thanks and don't apologize. I know exactly how some of the other… clients can be. I have to keep reminding myself that most of them don't take too kindly to the receptionist using their first names so casually when I'm behind the desk at the doctor's office."

Just before she slipped through the door Melody shared a sly smile with Toni before hastily saying, "Don't I know it. I'll be right back with your little one."

Dean and Joan followed Melody out towards the front but got hung up on the other side of the door to finish their conversation. By the time Dean got out to the front again, Melody was still holding the sleeping baby while Toni finished rearranging her diaper bag, gym bag, purse and briefcase.

"I think you might need more arms," Melody teased as she placed the baby in the crook of Toni's arm with a practiced ease.

"I keep thinking that myself whenever we have to go out together. Next time I come here after yoga I'll make sure to remember to dump my gym bag and briefcase in the truck first."

At the sound of the familiar voice Dean's head shot up from reading the notes he had just taken during his last interview. "Toni?" He asked as he started moving towards her and he only paused to open the gate in the counter to get out from behind it. "Toni is that really you?"

"De-… Uh Special Agent… Smith… How are you?" She answered while forcing herself not to shrink or run away, hoping that she correctly remembered his preferred alias to use since he was wearing his 'Fed suit'.

Melody patted her shoulder and whispered, "We'll see you and your little Riot here tomorrow" before she disappeared through the door that lead to the actual nursery and daycare area.

Once they were alone, Toni allowed herself to slump slightly in her spot and let out the groan she had previously silenced. "I'm guessing you're here about what happened last week… Umm… Does that mean… I uhh… Is your brother here with you?"

Toni sounded genuinely worried when she asked about Sam and looked even more dejected than before he had been brought up. Since he and Sam had already had a brief discussion about their breakup, Dean understood why Toni wouldn't be too thrilled about seeing the younger Winchester.

"Yes and yes. But he's chatting with security, so it should take him a while."

"Good… Good," Toni rambled looking like a lot of tension was seeping out of her body without her looking like she was any more comfortable about being a part of this discussion.

"So…" Dean started somewhat awkwardly. "Are you working this job…? Because… this is kind of an… umm… interesting way to do research."

Toni finally cracked a soft smile as she replied, "No I actually work in this building at Doc's office. He uhh… he took pity on me and chanced giving a college drop out a job as his receptionist."

"Doc… shit… Do you mean that Doctor Carruthers is THE Doc you called when Sam was out for the count? Wait! You're his receptionist? Huh, guess that I don't have to come back tomorrow to talk with you then. So what was it that ganked poor Mister McGee?"

Toni tried to shrug but couldn't really move her shoulders under the weight of all of her bags. "I honestly have no idea. I… Dean I'm just a receptionist now."

Dean gave her a quizzical look causing her to sigh loudly and look even more dejected than she had previously. "Fuck…" Her cheeks blanched as she looked down at the sleeping baby and then she corrected herself saying, "I mean crap… He… he didn't tell you."

"Who didn't tell me what?"

Toni motioned to the door with her head. "Can we maybe take this outside? These bags aren't really all that heavy, but they sure as hell aren't getting any more comfortable to hold either."

"Oh right! Sorry, yeah I'll follow you," Dean offered as he held the door open for her.

They rode down the elevator in a tense, uncomfortable silence to P1. Dean covertly pulled out his phone to check if he had any messages. There was one unread text message from Sam saying that he needed some more time because the security guards were going to take him to 'the scene of the crime'. The message had only been sent five minutes before he re it, so Dean let out a silent sigh of relief because that meant that he wouldn't have to be a witness to any uncomfortable reunions between his brother and his now (as Sam put it) 'extremely ex-girlfriend'.

Once they reached the appropriate parking level Dean noticed Toni's truck right away. He then put his hand out in a silent request for her to give him her keys. Toni answered by quirking a questioning brow and walking past him as if he hadn't moved at all.

"Hey! Toni it isn't like I'm asking to drive your precious truck or anything," Dean commented with a mild sarcastic bite. "Come on… You more than have your hands full. Please let me help you."

Dean sounded so sincere at the end of his statement that Toni couldn't help but groan at her rudeness. She then stepped closer to Dean and turned her body so that her purse was facing him. She looked up at him with a wide-eyed, apologetic face, but Dean just stared at her in confusion.

Toni chuckled softly at how normal and comfortable this interaction actually felt since everything else had felt so weird up until now. "My keys are in the front pouch of my purse."

"Oh," Dean replied with a self-conscious laugh as he plucked her keys out. "Okay… Got 'em."

Dean moved over to her truck and opened both of the doors on the driver's side. He then stood there staring in amazement at the car seat that was now occupying a large portion of the back bench seat. He must have remained frozen in his spot for too long because he was brought out of his blank stare by Toni clearing her throat quite loudly close to his side.

"Okay I lied, these bags are getting kind of heavy," Toni said with a mildly playful tone. "And I think that my arm has fallen asleep under the little guy's dead weight."

Dean actually jumped in his spot before breaking out of his own thoughts. "Right… Of course. Here, let me take those from you."

He then quickly grabbed the straps of all four of Toni's bags to pull them off of both of her shoulders at the same time. Although Toni appreciated the sentiment, the practicality of that movement was virtually non-existent. Dean caught on to the error of his way quickly and then he just claimed two bags off the shoulder of Toni's free arm. While she shifted the baby from one arm to the other, Dean turned to pack her bags onto the front passenger's seat in the truck. Before he could try to grab her other two bags, Toni once again appeared at his side to dump the remaining bags on the floor of her truck.

Dean was just about to make a smart ass comment about the baby being able to sleep through anything, but Toni was already to the back side of the cab of the truck. She opened the back door and kept her focus solely on the small child while she strapped him securely into his safety seat. Dean watched her in raptured awe and almost felt like a voyeur when he saw the look on her face before she placed a soft kiss on the sleeping child's forehead. She then pet his head and seemed to have to force herself to look away from him. When she finally did move her gaze back to Dean, he quickly looked away because he felt so uncomfortable about the intimate moment that he had just witnessed.

Toni kissed the sleeping baby one more time and whispered something against his head that was too quiet for Dean to overhear. After that she closed the doors as softly and as carefully as she could to keep from making too much noise before she slowly made her way to the side of the truck where Dean had retreated to so that he could patiently wait for her. She knew deep down that he deserved nothing but the absolute, no holds barred, honest truth about everything that had happened since they last saw each other, but she truly wasn't even sure where to start her tale. If Dean had of been either of her brothers she would have been more than willing to just ramble out any and every thought that popped into her head until she had told them everything and then worked with them to piece her verbal diarrhea all together into proper chronological order. Well if she was talking to Will she would have been able to keep herself calm enough that she would have been able to get everything out without immediately turning into a blubbering, rambling mess. But the man on the other side of her truck wasn't either of her beloved brothers, instead he was a man with whom she always seemed to be at odds because they always seemed to misinterpret everything that came out of each other's mouths. So how would she be able to get through this without it turning into yet another screaming match with the high and mighty Dean Winchester? Well not thinking things like that would probably be a really good start.

Her left hand instinctively caressed the hood of her truck as she walked around it to the driver's side. Toni also tried to regulate her breathing to keep herself as calm as possible. While she tried to keep her heart-rate from speeding up any faster than it already was, Toni let her eyes land on the child still sleeping in his car seat and she instantly felt completely at ease.

She hadn't realized that she had stopped moving to watch the baby sleep until she felt Dean at her side. He then stated softly into her ear while looking at the same spot she was through the windshield, "He's yours."

Toni hadn't really been paying attention to anyone or anything but the little life inside her truck, so she automatically replied with a distracted "What?" as she turned to face Dean.

To his credit the hunter maintained an almost serene tone and didn't poke fun at her being so distracted as he replied, "The little bundle of joy that Melody called 'your little Riot' sleeping in the back seat of your truck, he's your son."

"Yes," Toni confirmed feeling sort of numb and vacant instead of welling with pride as she had felt just a second before her response.

Dean lifted Toni's left hand off the metal of her truck's hood causing her to finally turn her eyes away from her son to look at Dean's face. He gently held her hand in both of his and then his right hand started to stroke the top of her left. That careful motion caused Toni to turn her eyes down to watch the motion of Dean's hand and she almost choked up when she watched his fingers pass over the rings that made a home on her left ring finger.

"He's a very lucky guy to have snagged you," Dean praised quietly. "And your son is unbelievably handsome. It's… it's pretty awesome that you found him Toni and I hope he's treating you right because you deserve a happily ever after, especially after everything that you've been through."

Toni quickly snatched back her hand to stifle her sob or was it a sardonic laugh that wanted to escape her lips? Either way she just stared at Dean with her hand clasped tightly over her mouth while he turned his gaze back to Ton's baby sleeping in the truck.

_Oh God! He really has no idea_ Toni thought to herself in mild panic. "Dean?" She finally croaked out from behind her fingers.

"What's up Toni?" He replied in an overly optimistic tone.

Where should she start? Or better yet, when? How far back did she need to go so that it would make sense to Dean how she ended up here raising her baby alone? Deep down she knew that she had to go back father than she was comfortable, but Dean had earned at least that much from her so Toni was willing to do just that. Although the parking garage of the office building where she worked certainly wasn't an appropriate setting for such a talk, no matter how eager she was for him to hear the truth and to finally have the truth out in the open once and for all.

"Do…? Do you still have my cell number?" She finally asked in a tentative voice that thoroughly confused Dean.

Dean smirked to cover his own feelings of unease then answered, "Of course I do. My brother was the one who broke up with you, but I didn't… I mean… That is unless you want me to lose it."

A silent tear rolled down her right cheek as Toni replied in a surprisingly calm tone, "When you have a couple of hours free, give me a call and I'll give you directions to my place and then we can talk. Or rather I'll most probably break down a couple of times while I tell you everything…But either way… I don't want you to not have my number, got it?"

Toni then tried to move around Dean to get into the driver's seat, but Dean stopped her by gently grabbing her arm. When she turned her sad, no make that devastated, eyes towards him, Dean quickly swallowed his previous questions and simply said, "No matter what else happens while we're here in the Puget Sound area, I will make sure that I get a chance to sit down and have that talk with you, understood? And… well your contact information is remaining firmly intact in my phone, okay?"

"Understood," she replied just barely over a whisper before she kissed Dean's cheek and ran to the driver side door.

As the navy blue pickup backed away from where he was standing, Dean couldn't help but ask himself _what the fuck happened whole I was fighting my way out of Purgatory?_

"BIG SAM LEFT Seattle in the year of '92," Toni sang softly as she slowly twisted her son in her arms from side to side in an effort to help him fall asleep after feeding him his dinner. "With George Pratt his partner and brother Billy too. They crossed the Yukon River and found the bonanza gold. Below that old white mountain just a little southeast of Nome. Where the river is winding, big nuggets they're finding… North to Alaska, they're going north the rush is on… Way up north, north to Alaska… Way up north… North to Alaska…" Toni paused briefly while trying to remember the other verses of the song that she had heard innumerable times during her youth. When she drew nothing but a blank, she sighed out an almost imperceptible, "Shit… I suck at this." as she hugged her son to her side and he was thankfully sound asleep once again.

In so many ways, Toni felt completely inadequate about being a single mother. She didn't know any nursery rhymes, if she knew any lullabies she would have sung them off key, and Disney/Pixar sounded like a foreign language to her. Alright Toni did know a lot about Disney and the princesses they created. Heck her mother had thrown at least half a dozen Disney Princess themed birthday parties complete with a viewing of the movie that featured the princess du jour on a big screen in the back yard of which ever house they lived in at the time. But Pixar? When the hell did they become a must know… product? Toni had no idea how it fit into the mix for the up-bringing of her son and she want to do nothing more than to minimize the damage she could cause in her little boy's life.

While Toni mostly dwelled on her inadequacies of being a mother, her father was quick to try to quash each and every one of her doubts when he heard her voice them. He even joke that his daughter had moved to the other side of the country to avoid having to hear the truth from him even though he did understand that Doc's job offer was a far more stable and respectable career compared to anything that Paulie or any other of their family friends could offer his street smart daughter that was raising an infant child on her own. The fact that Toni was in the Pacific Northwest without any familial support was completely of her own design, but the Colonel and Yvette were quick to try to remedy that situation. Tom knew that his daughter was more than capable of making it on her won, but he was selfish and wanted to be a major player in his grandson's life. The instant that he saw a suite available in the Sunrise Villa in Everett, he paid top dollar to secure it for him and his lady friend to move into as soon as possible.

The Colonel and his new wife were finalizing these plans to move closer to their only living family member at the same time that the other half of Ryan's lineage reappeared in their lives and Toni wanted nothing more than to hide in a closet while she waited for her Daddy to show up and fix everything for her. But of course Toni wasn't going to allow herself to be a coward, so she was going to force herself to remain composed and confident while she faced her latest hurdle in her life of single motherhood.

Every night she surprised herself with how reluctant she was to actually put her son to bed after he had fallen asleep in her arms. Even more surprising was the fact that she rocked her son to sleep every night either standing up or sitting in a rocking chair that she had just recently purchased at a second hand store. If she was in the middle of doing something at his bed time, Ryan would come to find her and she would drop everything to read him a story and sing him a song (well as much of any particular song that she could remember at the time) until he was sound asleep. She hadn't read any parenting books or attended any 'Mommy and me' classes, so Toni was doing everything based on her instincts and from the few good memories she had of her own childhood. The most important thing for her was that he wanted her son to know that he was loved and that she would do everything in her power to keep him safe and to make him feel her love at every turn.

The infant was too young to know what lengths his mother had already gone to in order to make their home as safe as possible. Toni wanted Ryan to have as normal a childhood as possible, so she wanted to be able to invite other families over for playdates or other social gatherings, so she had to be creative with how she displayed the wards and weapons in their home. In their bedroom (while Ryan was still young enough to be in a crib, Toni decided that they would share the master bedroom of the three bedroom apartment her dad had helped her purchase) Toni had drawn a Key of Solomon on the ceiling, but she had used UV paint that blended in with the white of the ceiling paint. She hated having firearms anywhere close to her son, but she would have been devastated if something happened to either of them because she was too squeamish to have salt or iron rounds at the ready, so Toni had mounted a shotgun onto the underside frame of her king sized bed and placed a fun safe in her closet. And because she still didn't fully trust Castiel or any of his siblings, Toni had also added a few Enochian angel warding symbols along with the demon wards that she had painted on all of the doors of her condominium in the same UV paint that was used for Devil's Traps and Keys of Solomon on the ceilings of every room. If you asked her, their home was more secure than Fort Knox, but that didn't stop her from adding a bag of rock salt and iron fireplace tools in each of the closets even though she had no reason to need either of those items in her sixth floor apartment to live their everyday lives.

Toni was just about to force herself to play Ryan in his crib when her home phone ran signaling that her visitor had arrived. As she approached the kitchen to answer the phone, she hugged her son tightly to her, but she would never admit to anyone that she was clinging to him like he was a security blanket. After she was certain that Dean had safely entered the building, Toni paced around the kitchen bouncing Ryan in her arms until she reasoned with herself that talking to Dean with her sleeping baby in her arms wasn't the best option.

She was on her way to the bedroom when she heard an almost tentative knock on the door. Cursing herself silently for getting so lost in her worrisome thoughts, she turned on her heel and quickly answered the door with her son still gripped tightly in her arms.

Dean looked slightly shocked momentarily when he saw the sleeping infant cradled in her arms, but he quickly forced himself to smile as he quietly greeted her saying, "Hey Toni, sorry I'm a bit later than I thought that I would be."

"It's fine Dean, I was just on my way to put Ryan to bed. I'll just be a minute or two." Toni stepped back to let Dean enter the apartment and then she called over her shoulder a she continued on her way down the hall, "Make yourself at home. There's cold beer in the fridge."

Dean lingered by the door taking in the layout of Toni's home. It was a lot bigger than Dean had expected, but then again now that Toni was married and had started a family, who was to say that she and her husband were going to stop at having one child? Maybe her new beau wanted to have a whole litter of young ones that would make this place feel to small one day.

After nearly memorizing how the living room and kitchen looked, Dean contemplated her offer of getting himself a beer. He took off his brown leather jacket and draped it on the back of one of the tall chairs that sat beside the kitchen island. Mid-step towards the living room couch, Dean stopped then thought to himself, _fuck it, I could be here a while so I might as well grab a beer._

If Toni's apartment surprised Dean the state of her fridge completely shocked him. First she had at least three different brands of beer, second there were two open bottles of wine (white and rose) and lastly there were numerous Tupperware containers that were actually labelled with the days of the week. He had already known that Toni was a huge fan of organization, but he never would have thought that she would take it to this extreme. Then again he hadn't met her husband yet, so maybe he was even more anal retentive than she was about making sure that everything was put back in its proper place. That thought made Dean shudder slightly as he pulled out a bottle of beer.

Being a hunter made Dean inherently nosey so while he drank a long swallow from his bottle he started mindlessly looking through the items on the kitchen island. There were flyers from the local community center with dates highlighted for infant swimming lessons and a child's first aid course. Next he found the schedule for the yoga studio in Toni's office building with a variety of classes circled. Dean didn't find anything else interesting amongst the other flyers and take-out menus and was just about to head into the living room when he came across the neat pile of unopened mail at the edge of the kitchen island.

_Huh, maybe I can find out what Toni's new last name is now_ Dean thought to himself with a chuckle. He took another drink as he picked up the top letter on the stack. As he read to whom it was addressed Dean nearly choked on the liquid he was in the middle of swallowing. _Seriously? What the hell happened while I was fighting in Purgatory?_

When Toni finally returned to join Dean, she found him sitting on her plush leather couch with one foot up on the coffee table drinking a beer and looking like he truly had made himself at home. She couldn't help but smile at how comfortable he looked. Since he seemed to have made himself at home, she decided to grab herself a drink as well before settling in for what she was sure was going to be an uncomfortable visit with the older hunter.

Dean appeared to be lost in his own thoughts when she passed through the living room and he didn't seem to have noticed her return at all. For some reason she tried to be as quiet as possible when she opened the fridge door to retrieve her own bottle of beer even though she knew from experience that there was very little that she could do to wake her son up. In all honesty she knew that she was avoiding Dean and the conversation that was to come.

Cursing herself for her cowardice yet again, she was just about to call out to Dean to ask if he needed a refill when she heard him ask, "Your last name is 'Winchester'? What the fuck is that all about Toni?"

Toni jumped in her place at how loud and infuriated Dean sounded and forced herself not to reply right away. She calmly moved into the living room and sat down on a chair that matched the couch that was on the opposite side of the room from where Dean was sitting so that she was facing him before she gently placed her bottle on a coaster on the shelving unit under her flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall. Her hands had started shaking so Toni shoved them into her lap and she stared at them as she took in a few slow, deep breaths in an effort to keep herself from reacting negatively to Dean's outburst.

"I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean to yell at you like that," Dean apologized in a much more civil and contrite tone.

Toni raised her head and gave him a small smile as she replied, "It's alright Dean. I would be wicked pissed too if I was in your shoes, so I understand." Dean gave her a wide-eyed look of shock which caused Toni to shrug and say, "I used to tease Vanessa all the time about it, but I'm seriously starting to believe that motherhood makes you soft."

"Yeah that could be true, but it isn't you that I should be yelling at," Dean replied shaking his head. "Actually I should be wringing my brother's neck since he's the one that I've been driving with for months without him breathing a word about any of this to me."

Toni sighed and then picked up her beer so that she could relocate to the couch to sit beside Dean. They both shifted so that their backs were to the arm of the couch and Toni even pulled her legs up so that she was sitting cross legged. She drained a couple of long swallows of her beer and then she pulled out a coaster from the shelf under the table top to place it under her bottle. Dean's cheeks pinked slightly as he silently followed her lead and quickly placed a matching coaster under his own bottle.

"Sorry it's an old habit. Plus the Colonel found these novelty coasters that he thought I love, so I try to remember to use them so that he'll know I appreciate them. It's no big deal really, you don't have to worry about using one."

Dean just nodded in response and then they both continued drinking their beers in a very heavy and tense silence. Since she now had confirmation that Sam hadn't told dean anything about the year that they spent together she felt even more at a loss to find a starting point to begin the explanation she had promised him.

"Dean I honestly don't even know where to start," Toni admitted while she nervously twisted the rings around her left ring finger.

With a curt nod Dean got up to retrieve another beer from the fridge and tossed out his empty bottle in to a trashcan so that he could try to collect his thoughts.

"Can I maybe ask you a couple of questions that have been gnawing at me before you get into the long drawn out tale you have to tell?"

Toni took the beer that Dean had brought over to her with a very quiet "Thank you" and once he was seated again she replied, "I guess that's only fair… Sure, uhh why not? Go ahead Dean, ask away."

"Okay," he started sounding like he was mentally preparing himself for bad news, or rather the worst news possible. He nodded towards the rings that she continued to fidget with nervously and asked, "There's no man of the house that you're waiting to come home tonight, right? If I went through my brother's stuff I would find a matching wedding band to those rings, right?"

Toni swallowed hard when he paused there and nearly whispered her answer, "Yes you would… Well that's if he kept it that is… I wouldn't be surprised if he got rid of them by now."

Dean ignored Toni's self-deprecating comment to say, "Alright so then that would make… Ryan, right? That would make him my… nephew?" Toni just nodded and avoided making eye contact with Dean so that she could will her tears away. "Seriously? Goddammit Toni what the fuck happened? Why didn't Sam tell me about you…? And him…? And HIM!? (He gestured wildly towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms during his last question.) Why the hell isn't my brother here helping you raise your son?"

After taking in a deep breath, Toni sat up a little bit straighter and forced herself to maintain eye contact with Dean and not to shy away from the truth or his apparent anger. "Those are all good questions, but I can't promise that I can give you equally good answers to all of them. But maybe after I tell you about what happened while you were missing then you'll at least maybe understand how I got to this point and why you shouldn't worry because Ryan and I are totally fine."

She then stood up and started towards the kitchen with the unopened beer Dean had carried over to her in hand. Dean silently asked her what she was doing with a look on his face. Toni couldn't help but chuckle as she explained, "Yeah I'm going to need something stronger to get through the rest of the story. Did you want me to pour you a glass of whiskey?" Dean smiled and nodded while Toni added, "Plus I'm not really that big a fan of this brand of beer and all, but I had the other girls from the office over with their husbands so I kind of went overboard trying to make sure that I had something for everyone. I'm… I'm still not used to this whole Molly Homemaker deal. Fuck… Oops I mean… Uhh… NO! No I meant to say 'fuck' and you aren't some suburban mom that's going to glare at me for cussing so there it is… But… yeah some days I'm not even sure I know what the hell I'm doing with my son."

Dean squeezed Toni's hand encouragingly as he claimed the tumbler of whiskey and then he gave Toni a brilliant smile saying, "From what I've seen, you're an amazing mom Toni. He's healthy, you look happy when you're with him and the rest will just sort itself out so don't get down on yourself about that, okay?"

"You've only seen me with him twice and he was sleeping both times," Toni countered with a playful tone.

Dean savored a sip of the well-aged whiskey and shrugged replying, "Yeah well I saw enough, so let's just call it Uncle's intuition."

Toni laughed then promptly choked on the liquid that was in her mouth. Once her breathing had calmed and returned back to normal she smiled then said, "I missed you Dean. I'm really glad that you made it back from… well from wherever you disappeared to… And speaking of… Where the hell were you for…? What was it, a year? Or was it longer?"

"Nuh uh," Dean replied with a shake of his head. "First you tell me about how you became my sister-in-law and a single mother and then we can get into how I got screwed over one last time by Dick Roman."

"Right… right… Sorry. Okay… Well I guess that going after Roman is as good as any place to start…"

************************  
FLASHBACK  
************************

_Now that they had their final battle plan of attack figured out, Dean, Sam, Castiel, Meg and Toni set out to put it into action. Toni still wasn't overly enthusiastic about having a demon fighting on their team, but Castiel had assured her that Meg's motives were true and that she wouldn't double-cross them, so she resigned herself just to go along with the flow. She had finally been able to put her animosity towards the angel aside while she helped get him through his episode of PTSD at the cabin and now she actually considered him to be somewhat of a friend. Sam had also reminded her that they had no idea how many Leviathans they would be running into at Sucrocorp so he thought that it might be nice to have someone with superhuman strength on their side that was more clear-minded than the angel on their side. Toni could see the practicality of Sam's reasoning, but she still didn't like the feeling of dread that settled in the pit of her stomach at having to be so close to the demon for such a long time._

_Once they got inside, Cas and Dean split off to track down the 'real' Dick Roman so that Dean could stake him while Sam and Toni went in search of the abducted prophet, Kevin Tran. That mission suited Toni just fine because she was in no rush to have a run in with one of those things that had rendered her nearly catatonic back in Indiana._

_Since the building was so big, Toni had somehow convinced Sam that they could cover more ground if they split up. Sam wasn't overly excited about parting ways from Toni's side without knowing exactly how many other of the Purgatory monsters they might encounter inside the building, but the sooner that they found Kevin, the sooner the two of them could get out of there to wait for Dean and Castiel. That too hopefully meant that all of this would be over and done with once and for all as well._

_Toni completely abandoned the idea of trying to be completely stealthy, but she still tried to be as quiet as the situation would allow as she moved down the corridor checking each of the rooms she encountered for any signs of the teenager. After she opened the third door, Toni immediately cussed herself out mentally for not even attempting to be more covert because she was immediately met by a man in a lab coat who moved too fast for her to slam the door she had opened in his face. She didn't even have enough time to panic before he grabbed her by the front of her jacket and slammed her up against a wall. _

"_And who might you be?" He asked as he pressed her a little harder into the plaster of the wall._

_Toni tried not to wince, but she truly couldn't help it as she replied through a strained voice, "I'm… I'm new… I was supposed to check… check that the prophet ate something… and to… to see if he… needed anything else to be… comfortable."_

_He leaned in way too close for Toni's comfort and took in a deep breath with his nose tucked in behind her ear before he stood up straight and looked her in the eye to reply, "I don't think so, you smell a little too human to be anything but a nice, light snack for my brothers and sisters or me."_

"_Well in that case…" Toni started as sarcastically as she could while she kicked her right foot as hard as she could into the monster's groin. Much to Toni's dismay that action actually caught the Leviathan by surprise and he released his grasp on her jacket. She hit the ground hard but regained her faculties quickly so that she could roll away from him before attempting to get up onto her feet when she thought that she was far enough away from him to be safely out of his reach. _

_She sprinted a few steps towards the still open door but was stopped from making her escape when the formerly downed Leviathan stepped directly in the middle of her path to freedom. He slowly backed her up farther into the room with one hand raised to wag his finger at her as if was scolding a small child. She was grateful that he maintained direct eye contact with her because she hoped that meant that he wasn't noticing that she was trying to unlatch the clasp on the sheath of her machete at the back of her right hip. She was fairly confident that she was going to be able to get close enough for her to get in a fatal blow, but that wouldn't matter unless she could get her damned machete out with her hands shaking as badly as they were right now. _

_Just as she unhooked the snap on the sheath, his eyes travelled down to her still shaking had that was tucked behind her back. He cocked his head to one side as he reared his arm back to punch her squarely in the gut. Toni doubled over immediately but couldn't cry out in pain because all of the air got knocked out of her lungs. The impact of the blow also caused her to stumble back a few feet until she hit the edge of a counter she didn't remember being near. She tried to use it to help keep herself upright while she also tried to increase the space between the two of them, but the pain in her abdomen was so severe that she let out a silent cry of agony as she finally crumpled into a ball on her knees with her arms wrapped tightly around her mid-section._

_When she landed on the floor, a bottle of industrial cleaner fell out of her jacket pocket and rolled towards the Leviathan's feet. He stepped closer to it and bent down pick the bottle up which gave Toni the opening that she had been hoping for in order to decapitate him. The muscles of her arms were still quaking softly from the trauma her body had just endured, but Toni forced herself to ignore the pain radiating from the middle of her body as she raise the machete over her head and put her whole body weight into her downward strike. Once the metal of the blade hit the ground after slicing through the monster's neck, Toni fell to the floor and nearly passed out from exhaustion. The pain in her gut was still so severe that she remained conscious of it even though her mind wanted to do nothing more than to shut off so that it could try to heal the injuries that had been inflicted on her body._

_While she remained in the fetal position on the floor, writhing slightly in pain, Toni noticed that the Leviathan's head was trying to move closer to its body. She vaguely remembered Sam saying something about keeping the head away from the body or they would be able to put themselves back together, so she gathered every last ounce of energy that she had in her body to pick up the head and toss it out the doorway into the hallway beyond with a pain-filled grunt._

_Toni had no idea how far away she had thrown the head because she immediately doubled over under another burst of pain running through her mid-section. Then as soon as her head hit the hard, linoleum floor, everything around her went completely black and she finally did pass out like her mind had been trying to do._

_SAM was still reeling from watching Crowley disappear with Kevin after Dean and Castiel had done the same once Dick Roman had been vanquished, but he did manage to heed the young prophet's warnings and destroyed the cases of 'creamer' that he found in the warehouse. The sprinkler system had yet to catch up with the burning cargo by the time that Sam was rushing down the hallway to find his girlfriend so that they could get the hell out of this factory. Sam wanted nothing more than to start to work at figuring out where his brother had disappeared to after killing the head Leviathan, but first her had to find Toni._

_He was sprinting down his fifth empty corridor shouting Toni's name when he saw the first signs of any live since the five other men disappeared. As he got closer to it, he realized that 'life' probably wasn't the best word to use since he was actually approaching was a decapitated head. A head that was moving towards an open door. He immediately recognized the head for what it was and Sam kicked it down the hallway with enough for and accuracy that it would have made any of his childhood soccer coaches proud._

_With the head still rolling away from its body, Sam let out a sigh of relief and thence kept moving to the open door. Toni had to be in that room or close to the room because there was no one else left that could have cause that much damage to a Leviathan, so Sam kept his focus trained solely on that room._

"_Toni!" He called out letting his relief be heard in his voice when he convinced himself that she was playing somewhere within the four walls of this room. "Toni it's safe to come out! Toni! Toni come on! We've gotta go!"_

_When he received nothing but silence in response to his shouting, Sam poked his head just inside the door to double check if the room was in fact empty or not. The first thing he noticed on the floor was the body that belonged to the head that he had kicked down the hall sprawled out near a table. Sam felt the corner of his lips pull back in a smile because he knew how much these monsters scared his girlfriend and yet she had seemingly been able to overcome that fear to stop at least one of them. At first glance there didn't seem to be anything else of interest, so Sam prepared himself to continue his search elsewhere within the building._

_Sam was just about to turn around and check for Toni elsewhere when he caught a glimpse of something just on the other side of the bulky corpse of the Leviathan. Even though he didn't want to waste time checking on anything that wasn't a clue to find his brother or girlfriend, Sam still stepped farther inside the room to satisfy his curiosity. As he got closer to the unknown object, Sam felt his breath catch because now he could see that it was another body and the jacket that the body was wearing looked heart-breakingly familiar._

"_TONI!" He shouted with an anguished cry as he fell down to his knees hard beside her limp form._

"_Toni," he nearly whispered as he reached out to grab her shoulder. "No Toni… not you too."_

_As he moved to roll Toni onto her back, Sam stopped himself mid-motion. He could see that her chest was rising and falling at an even pace so he knew that at the very least she was breathing, but without knowing where she was injured or how severe the wounds may be he didn't want to do anything that would aggravate them in any way. It took a lot of concentrated effort to slow his movements down and to keep calm as Sam moved his hand up to Toni's neck to check for a pulse. Not surprisingly her pulse point throbbed steadily under his fingertips._

_Sam puffed out a long breath and then he gingerly pushed back Toni's hair off of her face so that he could start his examination. The left side of her face appeared to be unscathed as did all of her clothing, so Sam very carefully finished rolling her onto her back. He again had to brush the hair off of her face and he took a moment to marvel at how beautiful and serene she looked. If he hadn't have known any better he almost would have thought that all he had to do was give her a good shake to wake her up from a nap. That thought soon tried to morph itself into a blind panic because Sam knew that all it would have taken was him yelling or moving Toni to have woken her up from the deepest sleep in reality and yet here she was laying on her back oblivious to his presence._

"_Okay head looks uninjured," Sam reported to himself aloud. "Torso… Also looks unharmed… Except…"_

_Toni's right hand was still fisted around the front of her jacket which was the only visible sign of distress. Sam walked on his knees down towards Toni's waist so that he could carefully extract her hand from the front of her jacket. He watched her face as her placed her hand on the floor and undid her jacket, but if it caused her any discomfort it never registered on her face. Once her jacket was opened, Sam slowly lifted her shirt up to check for anything out of the ordinary. What he saw made him cringe and hiss out a breath of sympathetic pain even though he knew that she wouldn't actually hear it. _

"_Shit… Toni…" He stated forlornly as his fingers caressed a bruise that was starting to blossom on her lower abdomen area. _

"_What the hell happened to you?" Sam asked staring down at the bruising. Although it did look bad to him, it didn't look like a good enough reason to him for Toni to be unconscious right now so he forced himself to move on even though all he really wanted to do was to linger and scrutinize the wound a bit longer._

_The knees of her jeans had absorbed some of the black goo that had seeped out of the Leviathan's corpse. Sam couldn't help but smile proudly because no matter how badly the half dead monster had hurt his girlfriend, she had still been able to hurt it worse. He had known from the first time he had met her that Toni was tough and headstrong, but she still managed to find new ways to impress Sam and prove that she was definitely a force to be reckoned with almost every hunt that they did together or apart for that matter._

_Sam started to absentmindedly pick at the almost dry black spot on Toni's right knee when something else on her jeans caught his eye. Just on the seam of her inner left thigh he saw a dark spot. At first he thought that it was just more Leviathan 'blood' but the coloring didn't appear to be as dark or as black as the spots on her knees and shins. He started to push her legs apart and then he froze as his eye flicked up to her face. At first he half expected Toni to have her eyes open with a playful smirk on her face because this scene evoked the most vivid déjà vu of memories in the past of when he had done the same thing to playfully wake her up in the morning but all he saw was her eyes closed shut tight as if she was still sleeping._

_He tried not to let his heart sink in despair when he saw that Toni was wearing the same 'Sleeping Beauty' look on her face that he had seen since he rolled her onto her back. For some reason he couldn't take his eyes off of her face as he finished spreading her legs a bit wider. Deep down inside his heart Sam prayed that he would see some change on her face, a tick, a smirk or even a fluttering of her eyelids was all that he truly would ask for, but all that he got was the steady up and down motion of her chest to prove that she was still alive. For now he would try to find some comfort in that, but until he knew why she wasn't awake and making some lewd comment about him taking advantage of her while she was in a weakened state then his heart and mind could finally be at ease._

_As he started to slowly run his hands up her thighs, Sam noticed that he had Leviathan goo on his fingertips. He instinctively moved his hand to wipe it on his own shirt but then he thought better of it and wiped it on the no longer pristine white lab coat of the monster to whom it belonged. Sam found himself staring at the headless body as his mind started to wander away into thinking about what would happen next. With Dick Roman dead would another leader rise up to lead the other monsters? Or now that they had cut the head off the serpent (so to speak) would the rest of them truly flounder and disappear? And what the hell did Crowley want to do with Kevin?_

LATER! _He scolded himself mentally. _First you have to focus on Toni. _He then turned his eyes towards Toni's still form and sighed._

_He crawled in between her now open legs and pressed the dark spot on the fabric with the tips of his index and middle fingers. His heart started to race in nervous anticipation as he raised his hand into the light so that he could get a better look at the substance. His thumb unconsciously started rubbing against his fingertips as if he was doing it to help him figure out what it was when in reality he knew right away what it truly was._

Blood! Why would Toni have blood…? There…?_ Sam thought frantically to himself. Toni was still fully dressed but had something happened to her and then she redressed afterwards? Had she let him do… that so that she could distract him enough to decapitate him?_

_A sick feeling rushed over Sam and it quickly turned into a blind rage as he flipped the corpse over so that he could check on this latest suspicion. His eyes remained laser focused on the man's waist as he turned him over. Sam's jaw started to throb from how hard he was clenching it as he moved the lab coat aside to check the front of the Leviathan's pants._

"_Thank you God," he sighed out quietly when he saw that the corpse was fully clothed, just like his girlfriend._

What the hell could have happened?_ Sam questioned as he retrieved Toni's machete from the floor. Although he knew that Toni didn't have any particular emotional attachment to any of her weapons (except for the iron knife her father had bought her within the last year) Sam was acutely aware that she would be beyond annoyed if she had to replace any of them simply because he hadn't thought to pick one up off the floor. His hands kept moving independently of any of the thoughts that continued to run through his mind as he liberated the sheath for the machete from her belt and placed them both on the counter beside where Toni laid still as could be._

_He then bent down and scooped up Toni's dead weight off of the floor as if she weighed nothing at all. As he stood up her head and arms flopped out to the side as if she was a rag doll. Although Sam had no issues with carrying her based on her size, the way that her limbs were splayed out across his arms made him lose his center of gravity and almost caused him to stumble and fall. In an effort to make it easier to carry her, Sam tried to move her left arm and then her right so that they would be somewhat draped over his shoulders, but he stopped himself when he heard her issue a mournful groan._

"_Toni?" He questioned her quietly as if he didn't want to frighten her if he spoke at a normal volume._

_She kept her eyes closed tightly as she groaned again and tried to lift her head._

"_Hey… hey… I got you Toni… Shh don't try to move too much, okay?"_

"_Sam?" She asked as she forced her eyes to open ever so slightly so that she could look up into his face._

_He shifted her slightly in his arms causing her whole face to scrunch up in pain in order to free one of his hands. Sam's expression fell at the pained look he had put on her face as he tucked her hair behind her ear. She instinctively tried to nuzzle her cheek against his palm, but the look on her face didn't soften at all despite the contented sigh that passed through her lips._

_Toni's eyes remained squeezed closed tightly as Sam hoarsely replied over the lump forming in his throat, "Yeah Toni, it's me… But don't worry I'm going to get you help. You're going to be just fine… I've got you…"_

"_Hurts…" She whimpered out against the skin on his neck. "Hurts… Bad…"_

"_Where Toni? Where are you injured the worst?" Sam quickly asked knowing that she could pass out cold again at any moment._

"_Hurts…" She repeated as she tried to sit up straighter in his arms._

_Sam was about to ask her again where it hurt, but he was silenced by the low pitched whine that was slipping through her clenched lips. He pressed her torso against his chest as gently as he could to keep her from trying to move anymore in the hopes that that would help her keep from hurting any more that she already was. He whispered a few apologies against her hair when she cried out in pain and then he felt her breathing becoming labored and shallow. She was trying her best not to show how much pain that she was feeling because she knew that he wouldn't carry her out of this wretched place if he thought that he was causing her pain in any way._

_Just as Toni's pain clouded mind had predicted, Sam loosened his hold slightly to keep from causing Toni any undue discomfort. She immediately responded by gripping her hands into fists around the material of his jacket to try to pull herself even closer to him. Neither of them seemed to have noticed that Toni had started to silently cry because of her sheer exhaustion even though her tears were starting to pool against the collar of Sam's shirt and jacket._

_Before moving any further Sam needed to know what was happening with Toni, to know where the Leviathan had caused the most damage on her body. He easily found a chair to sit on so that he could take some of the pressure off of her body while Toni sat a bit more comfortably in his lap. As soon as they were settled, Sam noticed that the trail of blood on her inner right thigh looked not only darker, but thicker but he tried his best not to let the panic he was feeling show in his tone._

"_Toni? I… Before I can…" Sam stopped speaking for a moment and then he placed a strong, fierce kiss against her head. "I don't want to make anything worse so I need to know what he did to you."_

_Sam felt Toni nod and he knew that that was her way of letting him know that she understood what he was trying to tell her. It took her almost a minute before she could try to speak. Just as they had with her tears, both Sam and Toni did nothing to draw attention to the tremble in her tone or the breathiness that came with her trying to keep from screaming in agony as she spoke and shifted her body uncomfortably in his lap._

"_Punch… he… he sucker… pun—ched… me…"_

_Toni's speech became fainter and fainter with every word that she spoke until the loudest sound that she could make was her swallowing a few breaths. Sam had to steady himself by taking in a couple of shaky breaths before he could say, "In the stomach."_

_Although he hadn't phrased it as a question, Toni nodded then huffed out what Sam thought was supposed to be a laugh and a quiet "Yeah"._

"_The blood…" He started cautiously as his hand fell to her thigh. "Is the blood from him punching you? Do you…? God it sounds so stupid to ask, but could you have internal injuries?"_

_Toni actually did manage to cough out a laugh but it almost immediately turned into whimpers of pain. Sam started to rub her back in sympathy but before he could say anything she managed to choke out, "Supe… Super… human… stren… strength…"_

"_Right," Sam agreed quickly. "Of course that makes perfect sense. Now… I know that it caused you some pain before, but do you…? Can you…? Will you be okay if I carry you to the car?"_

"_Hurts…" Toni whined pathetically in response to Sam trying to stand up from the chair._

_Sam immediately sat back down and worriedly tried to defend his actions. "I know it does, but… Oh God Toni I can't… If it's something internal I can't…"_

"_Hurts…" Toni repeated yet again. "So bad… need help… Pleeease…"_

_Sam leaned back to try to see Toni's face and he immediately wished that he hadn't. Her eyes were once again squeezed tightly shut as she started to nearly hyperventilate through clenched teeth. Sam knew that she was trying to work through clenched teeth. Sam knew that she was trying to work through the pain and that he should just continue on with getting her to the car, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything that might cause her more unnecessary pain. _

_It was almost as if Toni could hear the commentary running through her boyfriend's mind because she pushed back against his chest to force herself to sit up in his lap. The exertion of sitting up took a lot out of Toni so she had to take a moment to regain her breath by concentrating on the in and out of her breaths with her eyes closed._

"_Hospital… Sam need…" She paused and her forehead fell to his shoulder and she actually broke out into quiet sobs. "Please… please Sam… It hurts… hurts… so bad… Take me… please…"_

"_Okay," he answered before kissing the top of her head again. She cried out softly at his jostling her battered body to kiss her there, so Sam started kissing her temple and face while also whispering words of encouragement, comfort and love. She started to shiver and her breathing became just a quick shallow in and out, but she managed to silence both her tears and whimpers of pain. Sam wanted to crush her in a grateful hug because he knew that despite the immense amount of pain she must have been feeling, she was putting a lot of energy into making it sound like she wasn't so that he could work without getting distracted._

_At the Impala he made a noise of surprise at seeing the back window being broken because it hadn't been that way the last time he had seen it. Then Sam cracked his first smile since finding Toni passed out because he thought to himself how lucky Meg was that not to have to face Dean after inflicting this much damage to his precious car. Speaking of… Where the hell had Meg gone? She had said that she would do what she could to distract the other Leviathans to help them out… But she had also been brutally honest that if she caught the faintest scent of Crowley that she would disappear. After the greeting he had gotten from the Crossroad Demon turned King of Hell Sam really couldn't blame her for disappearing. Plus with Toni's current condition he really didn't need any of Meg's smart ass remarks about how much better she could be for him than some lowly human or whatever other snide remarks she had been making to Toni back at the cabin to try to rile his girlfriend up at every turn. Toni really would have hated the fact that the demon was hanging around so Sam reminded himself that he should be grateful right now for the silence that allowed him to think and work without undo distraction. _

_He opened the back door because his first plan was to lay Toni down on the back seat and to get her comfortable. Before he finished opening the door he noticed that the leather interior was covered with shards of glass. It wasn't exactly conducive for transporting an injured woman to the hospital, so he slammed the door shouting a few choice curse words._

_Toni made a noise of complaint causing Sam to hug her a little tighter to his body saying into her hair, "Sorry… sorry…I didn't mean… I got you babe… I promise everything is going to be okay… I'll get you to the hospital soon."_

"_Sss… Sss… Sssammm…" she tried to reply as her whole body started to shake uncontrollably. _

_Sam held her head against his shoulder whispering, "Shh… Save your strength… Don't try to talk right now."_

_By this time he had made it to the passenger side of his brother's car. This time he was more careful about opening the door and was able to place Toni down on the bench seat without any further distress. Well at least not from what he could tell because she had once again started to try to regulate her breathing to try to keep herself from passing out. He stood at the open door watching Toni move a hand to fist the hem of her t-shirt with her eyes squeezed closed tightly. The trail of blood on the inside seam of her jeans was steadily growing and for a split second Sam was completely frozen in his spot fearing the worse was going to happen to his girlfriend._

_What if…? _No!_ He silently yelled at himself. _You don't have time to waste on those thoughts. She's the toughest person that you know… She's going to make it through this but YOU have to sack up and get her ass to the damn hospital!

_Sam gently lifted her head to place it on his right thigh so that he could slip behind the wheel. He couldn't help but chuckle because his last thought almost felt like he was channeling Toni for a minute because that was not his usual way of trying to give himself a pep talk._

_He turned the key in the ignition without consciously thinking (or caring) about how the keys happened to be waiting for him there. At the same time that he slipped the car into gear Toni rolled over onto her fight side and stifled a scream into the crook of his hip. Sam's right hand fell to her head but he didn't dare take his eyes off the road while he navigated through the streets at a high rate of speed. Toni cried out again into his lap as he body instinctively curved into the fetal position in reaction to the pain._

"_I know… I know…" he repeated frantically as his hand rapidly ran up and down the side of her head and neck. "We're almost there Toni… I swear it won't be much longer now… Just hang in there…"_

_He thought he felt her nod against his leg but Sam couldn't really be sure since her whole body had started to tremble once again. His hand only stopped stroking her head when he felt Toni sink her teeth into his thigh. She kept her mouth wide open against his clothing as another agonizing scream was ripped from her throat. Sam's hand pressed the back of her head in response to his shocked surprise at her not so gentle 'love bite'._

_Toni continued to moan with her mouth securely fastened against Sam's leg but he didn't pay any attention to it. He also didn't seem to notice that his jeans had soaked up enough of Toni's saliva the he should have been able to feel it cooling his skin. Instead he remained focused on his task at hand: Getting Toni to the hospital as fast as he possibly could. Right now that was the only thing that he could control so he was more than content to make that his primary focus. Well his life would have been easier if that remained at the forefront of his thoughts but in reality he couldn't stop fretting about Toni and how badly she had probably been injured when he wasn't looking._

_Sure he knew that the monster had used its preternatural strength to sucker puncher in the gut, but what kind of damage could that have done? What vital organs could it have damaged? Sam knew the human body (and some creatures' bodies) pretty well because he had had to patch up enough of his brother's injuries, but it didn't really go beyond the superficial. Knowing that a cut was deep enough to require stitches or how to reset a dislocated shoulder seriously did not qualify him to understand how to recognize when some vital organ had been damaged or how to understand what could cause internal bleeding and he was man enough to admit that he had absolutely no clue about what to do to treat it and it terrified him._

_Since he was at a loss for anything else he could do, Sam kept his eyes on the road as he nearly chanted, "We're almost there Toni… We're going to get you there… We're almost there Toni…"while his right hand stroked the side of her head._

_When Toni opened her eyes she instantly regretted it and they slammed themselves shut. The room was too white, too bright, too sterile, too… much. She kept her eyes closed as she heard the steady beeping of a machine start to speed up at the same rate of her heart. She figured that she must be in the hospital but she couldn't remember why she would have been hospitalized, so she opted to err on the side of caution. Keeping her eyes closed she forced herself to calm her breathing so that her heart rate would also slow down. Her legs and much of her torso were tucked tightly under a blanket but her arms were free. Well relatively speaking. She could definitely feel the pull of tape holding down tubes and needles in her arm as she moved it from side to side minutely while she tried to keep her movements hidden._

_She could tell that the lights were still too bright for her to bear right now, so she was content to keep them closed. They of course flew open of their own accord when she heard quiet laughter coming from someone that was sitting to her left._

"_You're… in the hospital," he explained softening his voice when he saw Toni wince. "I didn't know how badly you were hurt and you… uhh… you kind of insisted that I bring you here."_

_Toni sighed inwardly when she saw Sam physically shrink back from her as his voice quieted even more. She knew that he thought the worst of her reaction after he started talking when in reality it was just an unconscious reaction to the artificial florescent lighting in the room on top of the painfully bright sunlight streaming through the window directly behind the spot where Sam was standing… Where Sam was standing looking less and less like he thought that he would be a welcomed sight._

"_Sam," she called out hoarsely through her unnaturally dry mouth and throat. She tried lifting her left hand despite the constraints of the IV tubes firmly attached to the back of her hand. Thankfully Sam took the hint quickly and he moved to her side to grasp her hand gently between both of his. She licked her dry, white lips and then she tried to speak again._

_Her voice sounded so painful coming through her dried out mouth that Sam visibly winced once again. It looked like she was having troubles swallowing, so Sam raised a bottle with a straw to her mouth quietly instructing, "Take small sips… Too much too fast might make you ill."_

_Toni nodded softly and then she forced herself not to suck on the straw greedily. Once she felt like her mouth and throat were sufficiently lubricated Toni let her head flop back onto her pillow with a contented sigh. Sam watched her with a careful eye for a couple of breaths. When her smile didn't fade from her face he finally allowed herself to move to place the bottle back in the place where he had found it._

"_Cold club soda," she commented while Sam's back was turned to her. "I approve Mister Winchester, but isn't that against the rules?"_

_Sam turned from placing the plastic bottle in a bucket of ice and replied with a shrug, "I've always hated the plastic-y taste of hospital water and I didn't want to subject you to that."_

_Toni could tell that Sam was trying to be playful and joke, but he was failing miserably under the weight of his genuine concern for her. Ignoring the pain it caused the back of her hand, Toni reached out to grab Sam's left hand to pull it to her lips so that she could place a soft kiss against it. She turned her eyes to look up at Sam's face through her lashes. His whole body still looked uncomfortably rigid, so she brought his hand back to her mouth so that she could continue to embrace it. Sam finally cracked a small smile when her tongue flicked out against his skin and she started to practically French kiss the back of his hand._

_Sighing quietly Sam settled into his spot more comfortably. Toni smiled against his hand and then kissed it softly one last time. "And I appreciate the thought. Now could you grab a seat and tell me why I'm strapped up to all of these fancy machines?" Sam gave Toni a look of total confusion prompting her to add, "The last thing that I remember was some creep shoving me up against a wall. That sucked, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't usually require the full ICU treatment I'm getting today."_

"_Well…" Sam hesitantly started before they both heard someone call out from the doorway, "Miss McNamara, it's so good to see you awake."_

_Both Sam and Toni quickly turned their full attention to the doctor that was stepping into the room. Sam squeezed Toni's hand and was eternally grateful that she had been so vague about who had hurt her. When he got Toni to the Emergency Room Sam had drawn a complete blank as to how to explain her injuries. Figuring that the 'less is more' approach was the safest, he just told everyone that he had been out buying groceries and returned to their hotel room and found her like that. That of course meant that she would be put on the spot she woke up, but Sam wasn't too worried about that. Sam had over-heard the doctor warning a nurse about Toni possibly having a brain injury and to monitor Toni closely, so Sam figured that if worse came to worse they could just blame her spotty memory on that injury._

"_And Mister Winchester, always a pleasure to see a concerned fiancé at their loved ones side."_

_Toni shot Sam a worried look that he quickly dismissed with a small shake of his head. He too had found the doctor's manner of speech somewhat unnerving when they first met, but he quickly learned that that was all it was, just the way that the doctor spoke._

"_Like I told you before Doctor Gibbons," Sam replied as he pulled his chair closer to him so that he could sit at Toni's bedside once again. "There's nowhere else that I should or would rather be."_

_Tears welled up in the corner of Toni's eyes as she turned to look at Sam because she knew that Sam meant that with all of his heart. The doctor appeared to be less impressed by the younger man's declaration. He just hummed out a sound to confirm that he had heard Sam's words before while he closely scrutinized the information displayed on the machines that Toni was hooked up to right now._

_After jotting down some information on a chart, he once again turned around to face the couple. Without saying a word, the doctor placed a blood pressure cuff around Toni's right bicep and pressed on a pump until the cuff was uncomfortably tight. He mumbled something that Toni couldn't hear as he removed the cuff and placed it on a shelf beside her bed. Toni shot Sam another worried look because the doctor kept working without talking to either of them. He shook his head softly and mouthed 'it's okay' to try to reassure her because Sam knew that Doctor Gibbons was one of the best doctors in the State, even if his bedside manner seemed to be strange and somewhat cold._

_After checking Toni's pupils with a pen light, Doctor Gibbons placed it back into his pocket. He then pulled out a stethoscope and as he started to put hid under the front of Toni's gown she finally spoke up protesting, "Hey whoa Doc! You're getting a little fresh there… I mean isn't that why I'm hooked up to that expensive piece of machinery over there? You know so you don't have to grope me and all?"_

_The doctor didn't acknowledge her until he had completed his examination which caused Toni to see red. Sam squeezed her hand when started to pet the length of her arm to try to keep her calm. Toni then turned her attention towards the man standing to her left. Sam nearly started to squirm under the weight of her glare, but he managed to hold his ground, as well as her hand tightly to the bed even when she tried to snatch it away in a fit of anger._

"_Yes Miss McNamara you are hooked up to a heart rate monitor," the doctor explained as he made a few more notations on Toni's chart. "But machines can sometimes malfunction and I like to be thorough with the people under my care." He then turned his full attention to Toni and gave her a look that caused her to blush profusely. "And now that you are an alert member of the conscious world, how are you feeling today Miss McNamara?"_

_Toni licked her still dry lips before answering, "Thirsty and umm… tired." Sam jumped up to retrieve the cold bottle of club soda for Toni. Instead of letting him feed her the straw, she took the bottle from him to drink from it at her own pace. "Thanks Sam. So Doc…? What happened to me?"_

"_That's a question that I know that the police have been eager to ask you," the doctor replied causing Toni to stare at him in shock and then she chuckled softly when she saw the doctor smirk at his own joke. "But as for the reason why you are here in the hospital, well…" He quickly snapped his eyes towards Sam before re-establishing eye contact with his patient. "Perhaps you would prefer for us to have some privacy before I get into all of the details with you."_

_Sam immediately caught onto the doctor's no so subtle suggestion. As he stood up to excuse himself, he stopped when Toni reached over and grabbed his arm. He could see that she had torn one of the needles out of her hand but she just ignored the pain that he was sure that she was feeling as she protested, "No, no I want him to stay doctor. My… my fiancé and I have no secrets between us so this way I won't have to just repeat everything to him later. Plus I just woke up from a coma so he'll probably remember to ask everything that I'm sure I'll forget to ask."_

"_Alright, if you're certain," the doctor replied slowly giving Toni one last chance to insist on privacy._

_Toni swallowed hard then shook her head saying, "Yes sir I'm certain. As I said before, Sam and I have no secrets between us, so I don't intend on starting now, so please sir don't hold anything back… Please?"_

_Doctor Gibbons nodded and clucked his tongue disapprovingly, "Alright but first things first… let me fix this mess that you've made of you IVs because your body really does need these antibiotics to help you heal."_

_Sam moved around to the right side of Toni's hospital bed so that the doctor could fix the damage Toni had just done. After he took her hand in his, Toni pulled Sam's hand to her lips to give him a reassuring kiss._

_Replacing and taping the IV needle didn't take the doctor all that long, but he remained silent to give Sam and Toni a moment alone. He knew that most of his patients and many of his coworkers found his demeanor somewhat off putting, but moments like this reminded him about why he acted the way that he did. Whenever he saw fear in one of his patient's or their loved one's eyes, he couldn't allow himself to get emotionally involved. Early on in his career he had allowed himself to get emotionally attached with one too many patients and it caused him to burn out quickly and nearly caused him to have a nervous breakdown._

_Year later, after a messy divorce, he returned to the job he loved at a new hospital in a new State as a new doctor. When he signed his new contract he made a silent vow to maintain a professional distance at all times. He would just give his patients the facts and leave it at that. It was for this reason that he also refused to use his patient's full names. For him that helped to keep them in the 'patient' box and helped him maintain the distance he required to be the doctor he wanted to be by always addressing them formally._

_Doctor Gibbons shook his head to clear his thoughts and then he cleared his throat loudly. "Alright Miss McNamara… and Mister Winchester… As you both know your preferred method of contraception was an implantation of an IUD…"_

_Toni swallowed heard because she had told Sam that she had had a procedure but she had never gone into detail about what the procedure had entailed Deep down she had hoped that her vagueness would pique Sam's curiosity and that he would look it up himself to figure it out. Toni didn't know whether or not he had and for a split second she wished that she had taken the time to explain it all to him so that he would understand what could be happening to her body right now._

"_Yes of course we do Doctor Gibbons, but what does that have to do with what's happening right now?" Sam asked without skipping a beat._

"_Well it means that I have a few questions for Miss McNamara before I can answer any that you two may have." The doctor physically turned his body so that he couldn't see Sam as he said, "Again Miss McNamara if you want…"_

"_No… No sir, I actually feel more comfortable with Sam being here. Please ask anything that you need to sir."_

_Doctor Gibbons tried not to notice how the couple clung a little bit closer to each other as he spoke. "How long ago was it that you had the operation?"_

"_Oh… Umm… Four…? No I think it's closer to five years ago now," she answered making sure that she didn't have Sam in her eye-line. She could feel herself starting to blush and now wished she had heeded the doctor's advice and had Sam leave while she went into her intimate medical history with a perfect stranger._

"_Alright… alright. I assume that your physician went over all of the necessary precautions as well as the need for regular checkups?" The doctor questioned while flicking his eyes to the chart in his hands to keep from holding Toni's gaze for too long._

"_Yes… yes sir he… Before he would agree… because of my age and all he… I've read all of the literature and studies," Toni explained with her eyes fixed on her lap._

_Sam could see her inwardly scolding herself for appearing so hesitant as she spoke so he squeezed her hand adding, "Toni has always been… detail oriented. She loves research and prefers to have all the facts before she makes a decision."_

_Toni chuckled softly and gripped his hand tightly feeling grateful because he had refrained from using Dean's favorite descriptor for her of 'anal retentive' that she hated with a passion. After allowing Toni to whisper a quiet 'Thanks Sam' the doctor nodded curtly and stated, "Then you are aware that the expiration date on each implant is dependent on the manufacturer, but even…"_

"_Even then those are just guidelines since every woman's body adapts differently," Toni recited as if she was reading from a medical text book. "So I understand that there are no guarantees for how the IUD would… uhh… for lack of a better term, 'hold up' in my body."_

"_Precisely," the doctor replied with a proud smile on his face. "Which is why most doctors, myself included, advocate regular checkups. So…? Miss McNamara how…?"_

"_Annually sir. I get checked out every year pretty much to the day… like the exact… exact…" Toni's confident and cheerful interruption quickly lost its momentum until she quietly cursed to herself, "Shit!"_

_Sam and the doctor shared a look but all Sam could offer as commentary was a graceful shrug. The doctor shook his head and reminded himself to keep himself, as well as the young couple, on track. "Well that sounds very responsible Miss McNamara. When is your physician expecting you for this year's examination? I would like to make sure that he receives everything from the hospital before you go in so that he will be adequately prepared."_

_Toni kept her chin tilted towards her chest as she shook her head and mumbled, "Stupid…so stupid…" Sam was just about to place a comforting hand on her shoulder when Toni's head shot up. She looked the doctor straight in the eye and said, "I'm actually now close to being three weeks overdue." She gave each of the men a moment to digest that piece of information before continuing on. "You see I got so wrapped up in this job that I had to cancel my appointment and it looks like I completely forgot to call to reschedule."_

"_Because you were tied up on a Search and Rescue job for the last three weeks?" The doctor questioned without attempting to hide the fact that he didn't believe her._

_Toni shook her head and simply replied, "No."_

"_But… it…" Dr. Gibbons countered looking and sounding thoroughly flustered as he flipped through the paperwork in his hands. "It says here…"_

"_I do work doing Search and Rescue… that's actually how I met Sam…" She paused there because she had surprised herself by adding in that false personal detail. "But I also do work as a PI… the hours are lousy but it pays a hell of a lot better than SNR work."_

_Toni quickly shared a look with Sam and he couldn't help but smile. She obviously had a story worked out in her mind to explain how she got her injuries. How she managed to do that while talking about her medical history was beyond Sam's comprehension, but he wasn't going to be the one to break their charade if he could help it._

"_Wait! Was…? It was that creep that you were trailing that assaulted you wasn't it?" Sam asked sounding genuinely surprised and suitably angry. "I knew he was bad news."_

_Forcing herself not to smile, Toni patted Sam's hand as she replied, "Yes it was him and you were right, but like I've told you so many times before, I can take care of myself." She then gave Sam a look that said that the discussion was over before she turned her attention back to her doctor. "So to answer your question Doctor Gibbons, I got tied up on a job and have been so preoccupied that I've neglected to reschedule with my family doctor. Now I'm sure that the police will be more interested in hearing the spotty details of how I was injured, but I would very much like to know what damage he did to me if you wouldn't mind telling me about that sir."_

"_You are correct Miss McNamara, Constable Cotts was actually here earlier today because he is very eager to get further information about your assault," Dr. Gibbons answered. "As for your injuries… You suffered some significant trauma to your abdomen that somehow affected your IUD implant. At lease I assume it was the assault that caused your implant to shift and tear a very small portion of your fallopian tubes."_

_Toni nodded taking everything the doctor said in while Sam scowled then asked, "Would a small tear have cause all of that bleeding? Or was it some kind of other internal injury? Because I have to say Doctor Gibbons that it was pretty scary but what you're describing doesn't sound all that bad."_

"_Oh Sam…" Toni whispered when she heard a minute amount of fear slipping into her boyfriend's tone._

"_Those are very good questions young man and you are right, the tear doesn't explain the bleeding that we were worried about when you first brought Miss McNamara in." The doctor turned his eyes back to Toni's chart as he said, "Which brings me back to those questions I said that I have for you. Now some women find that they still experience some menstrual bleeding even though their egg isn't expelled during their natural cycle… Have you ever experienced this?"_

"_Yes sir. A couple of months after my operation it happened and I rushed back to my doctor because I thought something was seriously wrong. He reminded me of that phenomenon and I've experienced it on an infrequent basis since then."_

"_Interesting… So you don't experience menstrual bleeding along with your monthly cycle on a regular basis?"_

"_No sir. It's usually every third month and on a couple of occasions there was a full six months between occurrences. But I've never had any clear cut pattern, no."_

"_And your fiancé…? Was he aware that you were one of the women who appear to have menstrual bleeding even though there was no chance for there to be an egg to conceive in you womb?"_

_Toni squirmed slightly because the doctor's question held a warmth that sounded more like a parent scolding their child than the neutral detachment she had heard from him previously. He immediately noticed her negative reaction and nearly apologized but stopped himself when he saw Toni straighten her shoulders and re-established eye contact with him. She then replied in a very even tone, "No Dr. Gibbons, my fiancé was not aware that I experience phantom periods. I never really found an appropriate time to sit him down to explain that every so often his fiancée bleeds form her vagina just like nearly every other woman on this planet does once a month even though we had no fears of getting her knocked up."_

_The doctor's cheeks rouged minutely at Toni's stern response. He was impressed that she could put him in his place for his slip in professionalism without completely losing her cool. Still feeling mildly embarrassed, the doctor said, "Of course it isn't really a topic for every day dinner conversation… But if Mister Winchester had of been aware of it then I believe that he would not have been as panicked as he was when he brought you to the Emergency Room and my team and I wouldn't have wasted precious time on trying to find the source of the blood before we could properly treat your wounds. _

"_Oh," Toni responded meekly as she shrunk back in her place slightly. "Right that makes sense. Did…? Did the delay…? Did it make my injuries worse?"_

_Despite himself and his determined resolve not to get too personal, Doctor Gibbons stepped forward to place a comforting hand on Toni's should as he gently answered, "No it didn't. Although I was quite frustrated with myself for not realizing where the blood had come from sooner, it didn't make anything worse. We were able to remove the IUD without any complications and stitched up the tear easily so you are expected to have a full recovery."_

"_Really? So… umm… how long was I unconscious? And what is my actual prognosis?"_

_Both Sam and Doctor Gibbons smiled at Toni's shift in topic. The doctor stepped away from her bed and then pretended to check her chart again to regain his composure. In reality he already knew the answers to her questions because he had been keeping a very close eye on her. When he first saw the damage done to Toni's body, he thought that she had been hit by a car or a battering ram because the bruising to her abdominal tissue had been so deep. Then during her surgery one of the nurses noted that some bruises were blossoming on the back of Toni's upper arms. After finishing the delicate procedure on Toni's internal injuries, the hospital staff had turned her over and were all taken aback to find that her whole upper back was starting to bruise as well. None of the medical professionals had ever witnessed an injury such as that, so Doctor Gibbons made sure to not it in his report that he knew the police would be requesting for their investigation._

_Doctor Gibbons had treated to many women who had been victims of domestic violence for him to cling too tightly to any of his medical reports. Early in his career he had become indignant and demanded search warrants when the police pressed him for the truth that his reports showed in categorizing the injuries of the women that were being abused. When he saw a couple of those women come back to the hospital in body bags, he had felt guilty but he had still stuck to his guns. Everything he knew and was told was protected by doctor/patient confidentiality clauses and the law was on his side. If the police wanted to know those intimate details then he was within his rights to demand that they convince a judge that they should be told those secrets and obtain a warrant to be granted access to those records. Of course he knew that his procedure took a lot of time unless his patient decided to sign a waiver to grant law officers full access to everything Doctor Gibbons knew, but that was the law so didn't that make it right?_

_That all changed when he found himself on the wrong end of a wrongful death suit. The parents of one of his patients had decided that their daughter's death was the doctor's fault because he had stuck to his morals and forced the police to go through the slow process of obtaining a warrant for her medical records. That lawsuit had been the most stressful time in his life and had eventually led to his divorce. Once both were settled, both in his favor after his wife's infidelity was brought to light, Doctor Gibbons finally took some time off to reassess his life._

_Which is how he found himself here feeling the way that he did. Part of his plan to compartmentalize was to let go of his old habits. Now when the police came to him for his charts and other records, Doctor Gibbons was all too happy to hand them over. Well he gave them an edited version with just the information that was needed to aid their investigation. Surprisingly enough this change of behavior meant that he became somewhat of a specialist for domestic violence cases. Women would ask for him by name because they knew that they could blame him for the police finding out about previous injuries and such so that they couldn't be blamed when their spouses got arrested._

_All of that also meant that without intending to Doctor Gibbons had become somewhat of an expert when it came to recognizing victims of domestic violence. It usually only took a couple of questions and a few minutes of observation of a couple together for him to get a good read on the couple's dynamic. His latest patient and her fiancé had seemed like a classic case of 'battered woman syndrome', but as he continued to watch them the doctor wasn't so sure anymore._

_First his patient hadn't jumped at the chance to be alone with him like most of the other victims had in the past. He understood that it was an easy way to be left with someone other than their abuser, so the doctor made sure to make the offer the first chance that he could without it looking suspicious. His latest patient had not only declined his offer, but she also seemed to be offended that he would ask her more than once if she wanted privacy. Then her fiancé actually asked some insightful questions and looked genuinely concerned about his patient's health which was nothing that he had witnessed in the past when he was dealing with victims of domestic abuse._

_The second thing he noticed was how Toni didn't shy away from Sam when he initiated physical contact. In fact she hadn't even flinched like most women do when they don't want to be obvious about not wanting to be touch by their spouse. Furthermore it also appeared that Toni was drawing Sam closer to her and even appeared to become calmer in his presence._

_Doctor Gibbons decided that his initial suspicions had been wrong and took a moment to reflect on how that might change his prognosis for his patient. Toni watched him with fear growing in her eyes for every minute that the doctor remained silent._

"_Well Miss McNamara with all things considered, your prognosis is quite good," the doctor finally answered. "The bruising to your abdomen is quite deep, but luckily you came out of it without any internal or permanent injuries… Well other than the tear that I've already told you about."_

"_Really? That's awesome. So when can I get out of here?" Toni questioned with such an enthusiastic tone that it made Sam chuckle._

_The doctor couldn't help but smile softly as he answered, "Well to answer that question I'll have to answer your previous question. You've been unconscious for two days. We had to make sure that you wouldn't wake up during surgery and the anesthesiologist wasn't sure how long you would be out for… Of course before moving forward with the surgery we did a CT scan to make sure you didn't have any bleeding on your brain because Mister Winchester wasn't sure if you had hit your head or how hard you may have hit it before he found you unconscious. Now all of that being said, I would like to keep you under my observation for at least two more nights, but so far everything is looking very good and I'm fairly confident that we should expect you to have a full recovery." The doctor paused there and smile somewhat playfully as he added, "That is of course if you follow all of my directions during your recovery process."_

_Toni was patting a sore spot on the back of her head while she half listened to the doctor. She still wasn't remembering everything from her fight with the Leviathan, but she figured that right now it didn't really matter. She was about to tell herself just to worry about it later when her hand froze at hearing the doctor's last statement._

_Her hand lightly gripped the hair on the back of her head as she hesitantly asked, "Alright and what directions would those be sir?"_

_The doctor smiled again and took a seat beside Toni's bedside. "First as I said before I would like to keep you here for a couple of nights for observation. I also think that it will be beneficial for you to stay on the IV antibiotics during that time. After you are discharged I'll be recommending that you stay on bed rest for about two weeks. After that time I'll examine your wounds and if I'm satisfied that your stitches have healed properly then I will give you a clean bill of health and we can all continue on with our lives as normal."_

"_Bed rest for two weeks?" Toni repeated in a meek tone. "And then you want me to come back here to see you?"_

_Doctor Gibbons nodded then simply replied, "Yes."_

_Toni scowled then asked sounding genuinely confused, "But can't I just go back to my dad's to stay on bed rest?"_

"_That sounds like a good place as any for you to rest," the doctor agreed. "Does he live close by?"_

_Sam and Toni shook their heads but it was Toni that replied with tears thick in her voice, "No sire, he lives in Madison, Wisconsin."_

"_Oh… Well I wouldn't advise you travelling by air until we know that your stitches have completely healed."_

_Sam stepped closer to Toni's side and held her tight hand with both of his as he said, "We wouldn't be flying Doctor I would be driving."_

_The doctor looked between the nearly identical hopeful looks on the young couple's faces and almost felt remorseful about having to cancel their travel plans. "Although that would be preferable, I still would not advise you taking such a long trip this soon Miss McNamara. The risk for you contracting an infection is still too great for me to approve it. And it would be a huge toll on your body for you to travel back and forth such a great distance this soon after your surgery."_

"_Back and forth?" Toni questioned sounding thoroughly confused._

_Sam was quick to recognize the glazed-over look on Toni's face that told him she wasn't able to process everything properly right now. He smiled sadly at her, but Toni didn't seem to notice it at all. He held her hand against his chest but had his attention on the doctor's face as he said, "That's alright Doctor Gibbons, I… well I sort of planned for Toni being out for the count for a while so I got myself a room at the 2400 Motel."_

"_You did?" Toni asked before the doctor could reply. _

_Sam started petting the hand he kept pressed against his chest as was as the arm attached to it. "Yeah I did. Like the doctor said, they weren't sure how long you would be out and being your fiancé only gets me so far with the nurses so I needed somewhere to crash at night between visiting hours."_

_Toni finally let the tears that had formed in her eyes to spill over her cheeks while whispering, "Oh right… Yeah that makes sense." Sam shared an uncomfortable look with the doctor when Toni suddenly sat up straight and snatched her hand away from Sam's grasp demanding, "But what about my dad? I need to speak with the Colonel to check in with him and let him know that I'm okay. I promised him after that job in South Dakota that I wouldn't just disappear on him again, so I…"_

"_He knows you're in the hospital Toni. He couldn't find a flight right away, but he's on his way here as we speak," Sam interrupted with a soft but insistent tone. "He should actually get here later today."_

"_Oh…" Toni sighed out as she flopped back against the pillows. Sam leaned down and kissed the top of her head when a dark pink blush started to spread across her cheeks and neck which was the only way he heard her very quiet, "Sorry" in response to her unfair tirade._

_Sam kept his forehead pressed to the top of Toni's head and his right hand started to pet the length of her hair. Toni's free hand came up to grip Sam's forearm that was stretched out across her face. After a couple of breaths she pressed her face against Sam's arm and then she allowed herself to cry. She had no idea why but the urge to breakdown in silent sobs had suddenly become so overwhelming that she just couldn't find the strength to suppress them any longer. When Sam felt the moisture of her tears hit his flesh, he ceased stroking her hair and just held her head in a modified hug. The doctor wasn't sure what was happening at first, but then he saw the quick up and down movements of Toni's shoulders helping him reach the accurate conclusion that his patient had broken down in tears like so many others had in the past after waking from surgery or from feeling so much stress inflicted on their minds and bodies._

_The doctor didn't want to interrupt but he had some final instructions he wanted to relay to his patient before leaving. He politely cleared his throat causing both Sam and Toni to freeze in their spots. Sam kept his hold on Toni's head but raised his own to make eye contact with the doctor._

"_I'm sorry to interrupt and I know this is a lot to take in Miss McNamara, but I wanted you to know that I'll be contacting the police after I leave here. I believe that Constable Cotts is working tonight and he is quite eager to get a statement from you. I would strongly advise that you try to get some sleep before he arrives," the doctor explained as he made his way to the door._

_Toni raised her head, wiped her arm across her face and answered meekly, "Yes sir, I'll try to do that. Thank you."_

"_Alright that's good to hear." When he got to the door, the doctor paused then turned back towards the young couple and added with a playful tone, "Of course Mister Winchester you are welcome to stay since it's still visiting hours, but do mind the IVs. If Miss McNamara gets an infection because she missed some of her antibiotics then I'll have to keep her here for longer than two days and I'm sure none of us want that to happen."_

_Sam let out a quick laugh then replied, "Of course doctor, I promise that we'll both behave ourselves."_

_The doctor then left quickly laughing to himself and Sam was still chuckling softly when he turned to face Toni again. Although she was blushing profusely Toni managed to sound slightly annoyed when she asked, "So what have you been telling the good doctor about me?"_

_Sam picked up her right hand replying, "I think it has more to do with you pulling your IV out when you first woke up." Toni turned her eyes to her hand while the color in her cheeks darkened. "But the doctor did order that you try to rest so you could try to do that now."_

_Toni nodded then snuggled down in her bed. Sam stepped away from her bed and Toni nearly called out to him until she noticed that he was just moving his chair to the other side of the bed. She rolled onto her left side paying close attention to the needles in her hand and continued to watch Sam as he settled onto the chairs with his feet up on one as if it was a makeshift bed._

"_Isn't that going to be uncomfortable?" Toni asked quietly. _

_Sam reached over and touched her cheek gently while replying, "I don't really plan on staying here that long, just until you fall asleep. So the sooner you go to sleep the sooner I can get out of this terribly uncomfortable position."_

"_Oh… Okay," she said without registering that Sam had actually made a joke. "But before I try to sleep, there's something I really need to tell you."_

_Sam gently stroked Toni's cheek then quietly insisted, "No you need to sleep and then when you wake up you can tell me whatever it is that you want to tell me."_

"_No Sam I HAVE to tell you this now," Toni repeated sounding more alert._

"_No," Sam countered very firmly. "It can wait."_

"_No it can't," Toni replied more insistently. Sam opened his mouth to argue but before he could utter a sound Toni said, "When I wake up the cops will be here and then it will be too late. Plus if you keep arguing with me then I'll never be able to get this out and then you can forget about me trying to sleep."_

_Sam opened his mouth and took a deep breath to mount a new argument but stopped when Toni quirked a defiant eyebrow in his direction. Knowing that no one could keep an argument going better than Toni could when she wanted to prove her point, Sam huffed out a long breath and leaned back in his chair dejectedly saying, "Fine, I give. What do you need to tell me?"_

_Smiling triumphantly Toni leaned up on her elbow to make stronger eye contact with Sam. "Alright so I think I've come up with the perfect cover story."_

"_Yeah I kind of figured that you had," Sam replied sounding amused as he turned his body to look at Toni._

_She gave him a sheepish smile then continued, "So we stick with the PI angle. I'll tell them that I was following a husband that my client thought was cheating on her and was wanting proof so that she could take him for all he's worth. I came out here alone against your wishes and you decided to follow me out here because you had some time off from work and had a bad feeling about what that creep might do to me. I assume you told them that you found me somewhere unconscious and then you brought me here, so that fits in with my story. And then when they ask for details about the attack I'll just tell them that I don't remember because it all happened so fast or I think that I hit my head or whatever and then BAM we're done here and then we can go home."_

_Sam smiled and shook his head in mild disbelief as he asked, "You seriously came up with all of that in the mere twenty minutes that you've been awake?"_

_Toni relaxed against her pillow shaking her head. "No it's a scenario I've been kicking around in my head ever since I got my PI license, but this was my first chance to use it."_

"_Well it's as good a cover story as any," Sam replied. "Now… time for you to sleep."_

_Toni closed her eyes and didn't say anything else so Sam thought that she was actually trying to sleep. He watched her for a few minutes and when she didn't move he let himself relax back in his seat._

_Sam had just crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes to rest when he heard Toni whispered, "Hey Sam? Did you really call me 'babe' or did I just imagine that?"_

_Before Sam could stop himself he snorted out a laugh, but answered trying to sound very serious, "No… I would never call you such a thing, you must have imagined it."_

_Sam cracked open one eye to check Toni's reaction, her eyes remained closed but her lips were pulled back in a cheeky smile. "Oh… Okay… Love you… babe."_

_Again Sam barked out a quick laugh knowing that Toni's response meant that she knew that he was lying, but she wasn't going to bust him for it. Sam settled back into his spot once again and closed his eyes quietly saying, "Love you too."_

_WHEN TONI woke up later that afternoon she found herself alone in the room for no more than five minutes. Sam was the first to return bearing food and coffee. Toni had barely been able to get the lid off of her coffee before Doctor Gibbons entered the room followed by a uniformed police officer that she correctly assumed was Constable Cotts._

_The doctor insisted on checking Toni's vitals and IVs before allowing the officer to interrogate his patient. When he was satisfied that she hadn't tugged on any of her IVs to cause any new damage during her nap, Doctor Gibbon left the room. He of course left Sam explicit instructions to come and get him if Toni became too agitated or fatigued and then he turned to the police officer to sternly warn him that he had better not give the victim's fiancé any reason to come and fine the doctor other than to let him know that the interview was over._

_After the officer had agreed that Sam could stay during the interview, Toni easily recounted the story that she had told Sam that she had fabricated. Most of the clarifying questions that the officer asked were met with a shy shrug and a nearly tearful response of 'I don't remember sir' that made Toni sound genuinely remorseful for not having the answer._

_The officer accepted Toni's spotty memory of the attack but he became more insistent when trying to obtain a description of her assailant. Since it was supposed to be a male that Toni had been 'following' for some time, she was able to easily provide one. Sam had to force himself to keep his face neutral and unresponsive during Toni's detailed description because she had actually given the prefect profile of the monster hat had actually inflicted the damage on her body before she had beheaded him. When it came to estimating his whereabouts, Toni told the officer that she had no idea where he may have gone, which once again was the absolute truth because she had yet to get a full update from Sam about what had happened at Richard Roman Enterprises while she was having the living crap beaten out of her._

_After telling Toni to call if she remembered anything else that she thought would be useful, Constable Cotts gave Sam his card and left. Moments later Doctor Gibbons returned to check on Toni again. He was pleasantly surprised to find out that the police interrogation hadn't caused Toni's blood pressure to rise nor had it caused any other ill effects so he finished his exam quickly and left the couple alone in the room._

_Toni was finally able to savor the coffee and croissant that Sam had bought for her when the door opened again to reveal yet another 'intruder'. This time however Toni's eyes lit up and her whole demeanor became more upbeat. Sam smiled a little more easily when he noticed Toni was looking more like herself at seeing her father in person._

_The Colonel quickly claimed the chair that Sam had vacated beside his daughter's bed and scooped up Toni's free hand into his lap worriedly asked, "How are you feeling Angel? How did the surgery go? Are you sore?"_

"_I'm fine dad," Toni replied feigning nonchalance. Her response elicited an unimpressed look from her father so Toni relented and actually held up her left hand in a sign of surrender before he could verbally chastise her. "Alright… my abdomen is not only sore and achy, it itches like no tomorrow too. The needles in my hand are really uncomfortable because the tape pulls on my skin anytime that I move my arm and I have a bit of a headache… although that could just be from the room being so damn bright. How's that for a report Colonel?"_

_Her dad smiled and half stood up to kiss the side of Toni's head and then he replied, "That sounds more like the truth to me. Now it looks like Sam has made sure to get you coffee, but what about food? He hasn't been forcing you to eat the crap that they try to pass off as an edible meal here has he?"_

"_No sir… Sam has made sure to bring me much more appetizing food," Toni reported with a bright smile. _

_Toni turned her head and shared a look with Sam that let him see how much she loved and appreciated him for all of the things he had done for her. She then turned her attention back to her dad and her face fell completely. She knew that her father would be worried about her, but she never could have predicted that this would actually be the time that she would see The Colonel finally break down and cry for the first time in front of her._

"_Dad… Oh God… Colonel I really am okay… I swear to you sir, the doctor says that I'm going to be just fine… And I will be, honest," Toni said turning fully towards her dad in an effort to try to reassure him. _

_When the Colonel felt Toni's hand touch his cheek, he gently pried it away from his face and then held it between both of his hands. Tears continued to fall from his eyes, but he was smiling when he replied, "I know Angel. I actually spoke with your doctor before coming in here and he gave me a full report so I know that you're expected to have a full recover, but…" He paused there and took in a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. "But Antonia, I… the things that were running…"_

"_I know dad," Toni interrupted when she noticed that her father was having difficulties completing his thoughts. "I know and I'm so sorry that I worried you, but…"_

"_But it's all part of the job," the Colonel cut-in over the rest of his daughter's statement. "I know this, but me I do. It was the same with our jobs too, but Angel knowing it's the truth doesn't make it any easier on me. Now that you have become the most important person in my life, I'm not willing to let you go… not just yet anyways."_

_Toni's cheeks flushed under the shine of the tracks of her tears and she gave her dad a soft smile. "The feeling is definitely mutual Colonel. And I'm still sorry that I worried you sir. And thank you for flying down, I'm just sorry…"_

"_There's nowhere else I would rather be Angel, so no more of that," the Colonel good-naturedly chastised his daughter. "Now I spoke with one of the nurses and she recommended a couple of places for dinner that are close by… So what do you feel like eating? Greek? Italian? Chinese?"_

_Toni looked over at Sam and shrugged saying, "You've been my messenger slash servant the last couple of days, so you pick."_

_Sam smiled then answered (knowing full well what his girlfriend's choice would be), "Italian sounds good to me."_

"_IS THIS really necessary?" Toni asked irritably as Sam carefully led her to a wheelchair by her hospital bed._

_Before Sam could formulate a reply Doctor Gibbons walked through the door answering, "I'm afraid that it is Miss McNamara. I don't want to chance that you might over exert yourself and do anything that could damage all of my hard work."_

_Toni blushed slightly then said, "I understand that sir, but I'm just not used to being treated like… Uhh… this."_

"_Yes I've hear that about you," the doctor said with a sly smile on his face. "Your fiancé and father both say that you are a very independent and stubborn woman, but I will have to insist that you go against your instincts just this once and let these two men take care of you now that I'm releasing you from the hospital."_

"_Alright doctor," Toni conceded as she slumped down in her seat. I can't say that I won't try to do things on my own, but I do promise to ty not to…"_

"_That's all that I can ask. Now I've gen your fiancé all of your prescriptions that need to be filled…"_

_When the doctor's gaze lifted from Toni's face to Sam's where he was standing behind her Sam quickly replied, "Toni's father is at the pharmacy right now picking them up doctor. He should be back with them any minute now."_

"_Good to hear. Now after another week of bed rest, you can start some light exercises such as walking, but do try to refrain from doing anything too strenuous. I've also given Mister Winchester some exercises and stretches that you can start at that time if you are feeling up for it. Of course make sure that you pay attention to how your body responds to any new activities. The bruising to your abdomen is quite deep so there's no definitive way to determine how long it will take for it to heal completely." _

_Toni nodded and then the doctor continued, "Okay so I believe that is all that I really needed to tell you, so I'll see you in two weeks… But of course if you have any questions or if any part of your body becomes a cause for concern, please do not hesitate to contact me. Again your fiancé has my card with my office and cell phone number should you require them. Although if you don't try to overdo it I don't foresee you having any complications."_

"_Okay… Thanks," Toni nearly whispered. She cleared her throat and forced herself to sit up straighter to more confidently say, "And thank you for everything Doctor Gibbons. I know that you're just doing your job but I'm very grateful that you're good at what you do and that you're so dedicated."_

_Sam and Toni couldn't be sure but they both could have sworn that Toni's compliment had caused the doctor to blush ever so slightly. Doctor Gibbons cleared his throat and tried his best not to sound flustered as he replied, "Well it's all in a day's work Miss McNamara. Now you take care of yourself and I'll see you in two weeks."_

_Toni was grateful that Sam had found a motel close to the hospital because after laying down for almost a week, Toni found that sitting upright was very uncomfortable. When Sam saw Toni wince while he was helping her into the passenger seat of the Impala he had asked if she was okay and received a very curt and annoyed 'fin' in reply. As he drove Toni caught Sam throwing her concerned looks but he refrained from voicing them out loud. She managed to get into a more comfortable slouch on the bench seat but the fact that she wasn't visibly wincing any more didn't seem to completely ease Sam's mind._

"_Sam," Toni sight out apologetically as she squeezed his right thigh. "I'm going to be fine. My body's just reminding me that I'm injured. It isn't anything too severe and I'll live through it. Please try not to worry too much about me."_

_Sam placed his hand over Toni's where it rested on his thigh and then slipped his fingers through hers saying, "I can only promise that I'll try."_

_While they lived at the motel Sam filled Toni in on everything that had happened with the Leviathans that he had refused to tell her while she was in the hospital. As he had suspected, Sam's tale had not only intrigued Toni but it had also caused her to ask a bunch of questions for which Sam had no answers. Toni immediately started to argue with Sam that they should be doing research to figure out more about the Leviathan killing weapon so that they could try to dig up some clues as to where Dean and Castiel had disappeared, but Sam steadfastly refused countering that Toni resting and healing was their only priority._

_The tension between the couple grew slightly every day and hit its apex soon after Toni's father had returned home to prepare their house for Sam and Toni's return. For a week Toni's only physical activity had been getting out of bed to use the bathroom or to have a have a shower or bath which was the major cause of her frustration and the center of nearly all of their arguments. Toni insisted that her helping Sam do simple things like preparing their meals wouldn't do her any harm, but Sam would not waiver. The doctor had said she was to be on strict bed rest for the first week out of hospital and those were the instructions Sam was going to follow. On a couple of occasions Sam had even pick Toni up and gently placed her in their bed without saying a single word to her when she refused to follow the doctor's orders. That didn't sit well with Toni but she had at least stayed in bed while she yelled at him angrily about how she didn't appreciate him treating her like she was a child and that he was being ridiculous about following some stranger's orders when she knew her body and that he shouldn't be treating her like she was a complete invalid._

_When the Colonel was around Toni managed to keep her yelling to a minimum because she didn't want to disappoint him. After his permanent departure for Wisconsin Toni finally allowed her pent up frustration to pour out almost immediately. Not only was she prohibited from enjoying her number one tension relieving past time, running, she and Sam had also been completely celibate since she had been admitted into hospital. He knew that nothing got Toni into a foul mood like when she was sexually frustrated, but Sam still maintained his distance. If he couldn't be the voice of reason and did allow her to talk him into going against doctor's orders then he worried that that would at the very least damage her stitches and then they would be back to square one and then Toni would become even more unbearable to live with than she already was at this point in time._

_Thankfully during their second week at the motel Sam didn't stand in Toni's way when she left the room to get some fresh air. Sam was cleaning the dishes from their breakfast while Toni changed into her work out gear. Toni maintained a defiant glare on her face and dared Sam to object to her going out for a walk while she changed, but Sam remained silent. He could feel Toni's eyes boring into the back of his skull while he finished the dishes and he forced himself to swallow his words of concern in order to keep from starting another fight with her._

_When he had the last dish in the drying rack, Sam turned around just in time to see Toni open the door to leave. Sam took the fact that she hadn't even said good bye before opening the door as Toni's way of telling him that she wanted to go out alone. Although Sam did feel a small twinge of sadness that Toni hadn't tried to offer him an insincere invitation to join her that he could decline, Sam also felt some relief because he hoped that Toni would come back feeling more relaxed after spending some time alone outside of the room. _

_Toni hesitated at the door, still seemingly anticipating that Sam was going to say something to her that would set her off again. Sam could see the stubborn glint in her eye that dared him to try to stop her, but all that he did was call out, "Have fun and remember to try to take it easy right now."_

_Toni replied with an almost inaudible "Thanks" and then she left and closed the door quietly. As she started to walk away she could feel silent tears falling from her eyes. She forced herself to keep walking and not to crumple into choking sobs (mostly because she knew how much it would hurt her abdomen to do so). She knew that Sam only had her best interests at heart and that it was unfair for her to constantly take out her frustrations on him, but she had no other outlets right now. Sam wouldn't let her do research, she couldn't start working out yet and they couldn't have sex (in the back of her mind Toni heard a nasty little voice repeating over and over that Sam could fulfill that need if he wanted to, but that he wouldn't. Her primary goal now was to shut that voice up because she knew that that wasn't true.) So Toni had very little else that could distract her from focusing on the discomfort caused by her body healing, even if she hated how she was constantly fighting with the person that she cared about so much._

_The walk had definitely accomplished the goal of clearing Toni's head, but now she was left with another dilemma to solve. How could she apologize to Sam and show him her appreciation if she couldn't be physical with him? She thought about making him a nice romantic meal, but she didn't have her own vehicle with her (her father had had her truck towed back to Wisconsin when Sam had called to say that he didn't know how long Toni was going to have to stay in hospital) and she seriously doubted that Sam would allow her to stay on her feet long enough to prepare an entire meal from scratch. Had she had such a thought hours earlier in the day, Toni knew that she would have been almost irrationally angry, but right now she couldn't help but smile. She was thinking clearly enough now that she could see Sam's objections for what they were; a show of concern because he loved her and wanted the best for her._

_When Toni got back to their room she found Sam on the couch watching TV. Sam quickly turned the TV off and turned towards Toni but stopped himself from talking to her. He then turned back around to stare at the black screen and waited for her to make the next move. Toni hung her head shamefully as she closed the door quietly. She kept her eyes on the back of Sam's head while she ran the speech she had come up with on her walk through her mind yet again._

_Toni soon found herself standing in front of her still seated boyfriend. Sam remained as still as possible in his spot and Toni could read his uncertainty plain on his face. Toni felt her heart sink at the look on Sam's face and suddenly all of the pretty words she had rehearsed disappeared from her mind._

_With her mouth closed in a tight line, Toni stared at Sam willing her speech to return to her, but after a good, solid minute her mind remained completely blank. Toni then took a step forward and felt a pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach when she felt Sam jump slightly when she clasped her hands gently on each of his cheeks. At that moment Toni know that words were no longer important, she had to show Sam that she was sorry because he knew that her actions usually spoke louder than her words._

_Toni closed her eyes then lowered her lips to Sam's. She didn't know how Sam would react to advance, but when she felt him reciprocate, Toni let the kiss linger longer than she had originally intended. Neither of them tried to deepen the kiss (even though they both really wanted to) because they both knew that they couldn't allow themselves to go any further than the kiss._

_Toni reluctantly pulled away from Sam's lips but kept her hold on his face as she whispered, "Thank you for everything. Despite me being such a colossal bitch you've stuck by me and done everything that needed to be done, so thank you. I love you and I'm sorry I've been such a nightmare to live with lately."_

_Sam's cheeks dimpled under Toni's palms as his lips curled back into a devilish grin. "It's no big deal. You'd have done the same for me."_

"_Oh I don't know," Toni replied with a hint of laughter in her voice as she sat down in Sam's lap. "If the roles were reversed I'm sure I would have told you off by now and shipped you to my dad and Yvette to make you their problem. I don't think I would have been this patient and understanding."_

_Sam sat back with a look of pure shock on his face as he raised his hand to Toni's forehead. Toni started at that contact and worriedly asked, "What…? What is it Sam?"_

_With a shrug Sam's hand fell back into Toni's lap and he answered, "Apparently it's nothing. I was just kind of worried you caught something so I was checking to see if you have a temperature."_

_Toni sat back and half-heartedly slapped his chest whining out a quiet, "Saaam" causing her boyfriend to wrap his arms around her and hug her tightly to his torso._

"_Sorry but I couldn't help myself," Sam teased with a chuckle. "Does this mean that you're done being mad at me?"_

"_I was never actually mad AT you," Toni replied as she nuzzled deeper into his embrace. "I'm frustrated as hell and yelling at my body would make me look like a crazy woman, so unfortunately I've yelled at you instead."_

"_You are a crazy woman," Sam said mischievously. Before Toni could reply Sam stole her breath away with a kiss. "But you're my crazy woman and I love you."_

_AFTER DOCTOR Gibbons gave Toni the go ahead to head home, she and Sam made their way back to Wisconsin. The drive to Toni's dad's townhouse felt unnaturally long and Toni surmised that it was because she had been forced into the role of passenger. It wasn't often that she and Sam didn't share driving duties, but Sam hadn't offered to do so this time. Toni wanted to argue with him that driving wouldn't aggravate any of her injuries, but she didn't really want to fight with Sam anymore. And she especially didn't want there to be any added tension between her and her boyfriend when they made it back to her dad's place. The Colonel was worried enough as it was and she didn't want to do anything that would add to his distress._

_When they finally pulled up to the familiar walkway, Toni didn't give Sam a chance to object to her helping him carry in their bags because she just made her way to the front door without saying a word. Sam watched Toni as she disappeared down the walkway and heaved out a heavy sigh. Although he was never particularly excited about being on the receiving end of a screaming or yelling Toni, Sam definitely hated it more when his girlfriend gave him the silent treatment. He had hoped that when they got back to Wisconsin that everything between them would return to normal or at least closer to their version of normal, but now he wasn't so sure. _

_Sam made his way slowly up the walkway and into the townhouse. He had assumed that Toni's would be home eagerly awaiting their arrival, but since they hadn't given him an estimated time of arrival Tom had gone out and Sam found himself in a deathly quiet townhouse. He lingered at the bottom of the stairs weighing his options and going over the different scenarios that he might encounter once he finally ventured upstairs since every scenario that he could think of ended with him going to Toni's room._

_Once he finally made it upstairs, he found Toni's bedroom door wide open. He room was as quiet as the rest of the house. He approached her room cautiously and placed their bags down soundlessly just on the other side of the doorway. When he finally forced himself to walk through the door he froze in his spot at the sight he was met with. Toni had kicked off her socks and shoes, stripped off her jeans and just flopped down on her bed face down in just her t-shirt and panties._

_Sam must have made some kind of noise because Toni pushed up on her elbows to look over her shoulder at him to say, "How can I feel so exhausted when all that I've done all day is sit on my ass in a car?"_

_Sam sat down on her bed and placed a gently hand on her cheek answering, "I think it has a little something to do with your body having to use up all of your energy to heal itself. Plus you didn't sleep much in the car so you could probably use a nap by now."_

_Toni nodded then smiled coyly as she pushed herself up and closer to Sam. He felt her right hand touch the top of his jeans, but he got completely distracted from what she was doing with her hands when she started aggressively kissing his lips. Sam shifted his body slightly so that it was easier and more comfortable for them to continue their embrace._

"_You look like you need some rest too Mister Winchester," Toni whispered against Sam's ear. "And I would really like to fall asleep in your arms."_

_Sam shivered when Toni's fingers slipped past the hem of his undershirt. She started to run her fingers up and down Sam's abs as she reclaimed his lips. Sam struggled out of his jeans without breaking the kiss. Once he heard his pants fall to the floor, Sam guided Toni's body down to the mattress. Their kissing became more intense and passionate as soon as Sam had his body draped over Toni's. They let their hands wander all over each other's bodies in an attempt to make as much skin on skin contact as possible. Toni managed to bunch Sam's shirt up to his chin and then she forced them to break their embrace so that she could pull it up and over his head. She held his shirt against her chest for a couple of seconds so that she could drink in the sight of Sam's naked torso before she threw it onto the floor._

_They both remained frozen in their spots just staring at each other until their breathing fell into sync. Toni waited for Sam to liberate her from her shirt but when he made no move to do so she started tugging on the hem of her shirt. Sam's eyes wandered slowly from Toni's fact to where the skin of her abdomen was slowly being revealed. Toni's eyes remained laser focused on Sam's face while she removed her clothing. Normally this would have been a part of their usual foreplay, but today Toni wanted to monitor Sam's reaction. She wanted to finally take their physical contact beyond a few hugs and kisses and she couldn't wait to see the moment that Sam decided that they should do it as well._

_The look on Sam's face gave Toni a moment of pause and she stopped her hand to keep her braless breasts covered by her bunched up t-shirt. Sam's hands moved from her waist to her flat stomach and he started to gently trace the lines that separated the various hues of purple, brown and green of her healing bruises. His feather light touch caused Toni to shiver with anticipation. Sam moved his eyes to look at her face and laughed silently to himself in relief at the blissed-out look on Toni's face. Sam finally did chuckle out loud when he felt Toni jump when his lips connected with her discolored flesh._

_Toni let her hands fall into Sam's hair so that she could massage his scalp appreciatively. The soft moan purring out of Toni's throat spurred Sam on to continue trailing his kisses up her torso. When he hit the barrier of Toni's t-shirt Sam stopped and waited for her to remove her hands from his head to help him get her disrobed. Toni's fingers however remained trapped in Sam's long hair as she scratched gently at his scalp._

"_Toni," Sam called out softly as he started to raise his head. "Toni maybe we should…"_

"_No!" Toni nearly shouted. Her eyes flew open and her grip on Sam's hair became uncomfortably tight while she nearly begged, "No please Sam don't stop… Please? We've waited so long and the doctor said that everything was healing and I… we've been so good… Please Sam."_

_Sam crawled up Toni's body to give her a soft kiss. "Are you sure? Your stomach still really looks like it hurts a lot."_

"_It doesn't hurt all that bad," Toni replied as tears started to fall down her cheeks._

"_Toni," Sam sighed out with concern. He brushed away her tears with his thumbs then kissed her forehead. "Don't cry Toni… Shh… Don't cry…"_

"_Please Sam? I miss you so much. Please? We can take it slow, just like the first time when I brought you here. That was nice wasn't it?"_

_The sound of Toni's voice nearly broke Sam's heart because his girlfriend sounded so distraught. He brushed away a few more tears from her cheeks and chin and then kissed her lightly on the lips once again._

"_Okay," he quietly agreed. "But only if you agree to one condition."_

"_Anything!" Toni replied eagerly._

_Sam's voice got very soft and serious as he pet one side of Toni's head saying, "You have to promise me that you'll tell me if it hurts too much so that I can stop, okay?"_

"_Sam…" Toni started to protest weakly._

"_No Toni I mean it. If you won't promise me that then I'll go and sleep on the pullout," Sam interrupted with a firm, but caring tone. "You're right, we have been good and I won't do anything to jeopardize your healing, no matter how much I want to be with you."_

"_Sam please… Please don't sleep in a separate bed from me," Toni pleaded through her tears._

_Since she had been released from the hospital Toni had started having nightmares about the Leviathan that had attacked her finding them and finishing them both off. Like literally… First it would make her watch it eat Sam before it took its time eating her limb by limb. The nights that she had that horrific dream, or some variation of it, Toni would wake up whimpering and Sam would hold her tightly in his arms until she calmed down. She didn't want to admit to Sam that she was having nightmares about those creatures, so she lied to Sam and told him it was the pain from her healing that had woken her up and caused her to whimper in pain. In an effort not to cause her more pain, Sam started sleeping on the couch most nights. Sam had been contemplating making that move sooner to help the two of them to 'keep their hands to themselves' but he didn't know how to do that without causing Toni some emotional distress. The fact that Sam might choose not to sleep in the same bed as her had never occurred to Toni so she came up with different excuses to get him into her bed as many nights as she could. By morning she usually found herself alone but most of the time it was because Sam was doing odd jobs around the motel to help pay for their room or he was up making them breakfast._

_Toni's tears threatened to become sobs so Sam kissed her and made it linger before he whispered, "Promise me you'll tell me if it hurts too much and I promise that I will always be with you… unless…"_

"_I promise Sam," Toni vowed desperately. "I promise!" Suddenly the end of Sam's statement registered and Toni actually sounded scared when she asked, "Unless what? Oh God…"_

_Sam kissed Toni into silence again and then quietly answered, "Unless you decide I snore too loudly and finally kick me out of your bed."_

_Toni sputtered out a tear-filled laugh before she more seriously said, "No more jokes Sam, make love to me… sweet, slow and gentle like only you can, please?"_

"_Okay," Sam agreed in a mock begrudged tone. "If you insist then I guess I can oblige."_

_Toni smiled coyly knowing that she was going to finally get what the one thing she had been longing for over the past few weeks. She opted to remain silent so that she wouldn't inadvertently do anything that would give Sam a reason to hesitate, or even worse, stop what he was doing. Sam immediately noticed that Toni had become completely passive on the bed and he couldn't help but kiss her gently in gratitude. She kept her hands limp at her sides which Sam rewarded with a deep, almost choking kiss as he worked Toni's shirt up over her torso. Toni wordlessly sat up and broke away from Sam's lips in order to allow him to move her shirt up and over her head. Toni expected Sam to pull the shirt sleeves over her hands but he instead let the material get tangled around her wrists like a pair of cuffs made of jersey cotton._

"_That's to remind you to behave," Sam whispered against the shell of Toni's ear. "And you will… won't you?"_

_Nodding vigorously Toni gripped her hands around two of the metal poles that littered the design of her headboard saying, "Of course I will… Whatever you want Sam so long as you will finally make love to me."_

_Sam had already started working Toni's panties down off her hips as soon as he saw her grip her headboard. He then rewarded her by kissing his way up her body from knee to chin after he had liberated her of the last barrier of clothing. Once he reached her chin Sam slowed his pace so that he could start their reconnection at the same time that he reclaimed her lips. His tongue thrust into her mouth just as his hips pushed him further into her awaiting canal. Toni could do little more than sigh and quietly whimper under Sam's ministrations because he took the slower pace to a whole other level that simply overwhelmed her senses with every caress._

_They both remained silent through their orgasms as they stared lovingly into each other's eyes while their mouths hung open with silent cries of ecstasy. Sam's thrusts continued their slow, deep, deliberate movements until his arousal was completely satiated. Toni's grip loosened around her headboard, but she basically just melted into her mattress with a satisfied grin on her face._

_As he started to settle into his place on the bed, Sam noticed that Toni had gone completely boneless and didn't seem to be moving at all. With a minute amount of concern clouding the back of his mind Sam started to pet the side of Toni's head as he whispered, "Toni…? Are you…? Is…? Are you…?"_

"_I'm fine," she answered while she rolled over onto her side to place her head on Sam's chest. "I promise that I'll be more vocal next time, even if my dad is within ear shot." They both groaned in unison at Toni's attempt to make a tension easing joke. She then semi-recanted her statement saying, "But either way, you were amazing and how 'bout we crawl under the covers and try to get some rest now?"_

_Toni moved so that she was laying down with her head on her pillow. Sam leaned over and kissed her forehead and was smiling against it as he replied, "Sounds good to me, but why don't I close your door first?"_

_Toni chuckled softly and sounded like she had nearly fallen asleep when she said, "Perfect."_

_WHEN TONI woke up a couple of hours later, she found herself alone in the bed. She snuggled into her comforter because it was so warm and cozy. While she was burrowed into the blankets, Toni listened to the sounds around her. Well it turned out she was hearing the sound of silence, so she reluctantly threw the blankets off her body and forced herself to get out of bed._

_As she picked out an outfit to wear from her dresser Toni could hear the soft murmur of voices coming from downstairs. She moved over to her door and cracked it open so that she could try to hear what Sam and her dad might be talking about. Toni wasn't really all that surprised when she couldn't make out their conversation but she did smile brightly when she could hear the sounds of someone chopping something and pots banging together. Since the prospect of being fed was all but guaranteed, Toni washed up quicker than she had originally palled to and nearly ran down the stairs into the kitchen._

_Toni got down the stairs at the same time as Yvette entered the town house through the back door. The older woman greeted Toni with a brilliant smile that made the young hunter feel uneasy. It wasn't that Toni didn't get along with Yvette, in fact their relationship had improved greatly over the last couple of months, but Toni had really been looking forward to catching up with her dad without any distractions. (Sam was good at making himself scarce whenever the McNamaras were first reunited because he knew how much his girlfriend craved some alone time with her father.)_

"_Toni! You're awake," Yvette called out excitedly. "How are you feeling Sweetheart?" Before Toni could answer, Yvette wrapped an arm around her waist and started to gently pat her stomach and more somberly asked, "How is your stomach? Tom told me about the bruising and your surgery… Is…?"_

"_I'm fine," Toni interrupted trying not to sound as irritated as she felt in that moment. "Everything is still a little achy from all the 'rest' that's been forced on me, but the doctor said that everything was healing just fine so I should be close to one hundred percent sooner than later."_

_Yvette could feel how tense Toni had become in her embrace so she immediately released her and moved a couple of steps away from her. Toni felt mildly regretful about her body's natural reaction, so she forced herself to make her smile look more easy and sincere. They both knew that was an act, but Yvette was more than happy to let it slide because she appreciated that Toni was at least trying._

"_So…" Yvette started as she lifted up a cloth bag to above waist height. "You must be famished. How does fresh pasta sound for dinner?"_

_Now Toni didn't have to pretend to be smiling brightly because one of her favorite foods on the planet was Yvette's homemade ravioli. "I think your read my mind," Toni teased as she followed Yvette into the kitchen._

_The ladies joined the men in the kitchen to find Sam chopping vegetables for a salad while her dad was tending to a pot of boiling water as well as a pan with red sauce in it on the stove. The ladies separated to move beside their partners. Toni waited until Sam put his knife down before bumping her hip against his leg as a silent hello. Yvette was less subtle and wrapped her arm around Tom's waist as she kissed his cheek and whispered 'Hello handsome'._

"_Everything smells divine," Yvette gushed while placing her bag on the counter beside the stove. "And that salad looks perfect Sam. Why don't you two retire to the den while us old people get everything finished up? It shouldn't take too long for the pasta to cook."_

"_Are you sure we can't help with anything else?" Sam asked despite Toni tugging his hand to get him to follow her into the den as ordered._

_Yvette turned to face Sam smiling serenely and answered, "I'm certain Sam. Tom and I have everything well in hand. Go relax for a bit before dinner, okay? I'll call you when everything is ready."_

_By the time Yvette finished speaking Toni was practically pushing Sam through the doorway into the other room as she called over her shoulder, "Thanks Yvette!"_

_Toni pushed Sam again even though he was well into the den and he stumbled a couple of steps before he regained his balance. Once Sam knew that his footing was sure, he turned and glared at Toni (albeit half-heartedly) and hush yelled, "What the hell Toni I was just trying to be helpful."_

"_Yeah I got that," Toni replied with a bit of a lecherous grin as she continued to gently shove Sam to lead him outside. "But if you would kindly shut up and follow me then we can let dad and Yvette finish dinner alone and then we can…" She raised an eyebrow as they both stepped out onto the McNamara's refurbished deck. "Well then I can thank you for being such a wonderful boyfriend."_

_Sam stumbled back a couple of steps until he found himself sitting on a newly bought lounge chair that the Colonel had thought would fit with the décor by the hot tub he had installed while Toni was in hospital Toni was quick to jump onto Sam's lap so that she could keep him from talking by shoving her tongue down his throat. Sam feebly protested at first and tried to push his girlfriend off his lap, but knowing all resistance was futile Sam gave in to Toni's kisses until he had a 'safe' opening to disconnect himself from her embrace._

"_Toni…" he quietly panted out. "I'm not going to have sex with you out here. Tom and Yvette could come out at any second."_

_Although she did lean back to give her boyfriend some space, Toni didn't make any move to get off of his lap. Sam gave Toni a questioning look to which she leaned in and whispered too quietly for anyone but Sam to hear her, "I'm not going to fuck you out here Sam…" She didn't move her face but she did move his hand under her shirt to force him to cup her bra cover breast. "But that doesn't mean that you can't cop a feel while we make out a little bit on this nice, new, private patio."_

_Sam laughed softly but did nothing to stop Toni from continuing with her promise. The two of them made out like two teenagers out on the lounge chain until Yvette's call for them to come to dinner caused them to pause. Toni almost ignored the call but then her father was kind enough to holler out a vague agreement that he thought that it was still warm enough for them all to eat at the picnic table outside. Since the route to their new eating spot included the spot where Toni was currently straddling the lap of her boyfriend, she jumped off of Sam at lightning speed._

_As Toni straightened out her top she yelled back, "Sounds good dad! Can we help with anything?"_

_The Colonel came out and gave Toni a similar 'are you kidding me' look that Sam was currently wearing. Toni shrugged nonchalantly and started to make her way towards their new dinner spot adding, "Whatever… I'm hunger and I thought my offer might get the food on the table faster."_

_Toni quickly disappeared around the large wood frame her father had insisted up getting to put on their new hot tub so that it would match the rest of the outdoor décor. The Colonel and Sam then shared another look and the younger man shrugged and teasingly stated, "She's your daughter Colonel, I only pretend to understand her."_

_Tom issued a hearty laugh at Sam's witty response and completely forgot to ask for the younger couple's help to carry out food dishes. Yvette wasn't all that surprised that Tom had let Toni and Sam off the hook to help with preparing dinner, but she had expected her partner to call upon the other couple to help at least carry out the food for them all to enjoy, but she couldn't bring herself to be annoyed when that didn't happen._

_When Sam and Tom saw that Yvette was carrying not only a salad but also a bread bowl, the two men sprang into action. Yvette didn't wait to hear their offers and just carried on to where Toni was now seated opening a large bottle of pop. Neither woman diverted from their self-appointed tasks and then just sat back down at their spots at the table while the men carried out the rest of the food and dishes._

_Toni easily filled each of their glasses while Yvette dished out their appetizer salads in small bowls as soon as the men were seated. Toni placed the now nearly empty bottle on a cart and turned to reclaim her place at the table. Of course the other three were already in their seats with their first course in front of them and they all stared at Toni with an expectant look._

_For a split second Toni had no idea what to say but as soon as she picked up her filled glass Toni felt like she had the perfect words to say._

"_To family. No matter where they may be, they are always in our hearts." Toni then turned towards Yvette to add, "And to our chefs. Thank you for this beautiful meal. I'm sure it will be as delicious as it smells."_

_Yvette smiled brightly and raised her glass replying, "You are most welcome Sweetheart. Now let's dig in before it gets cold."_

_As they ate conversation was kept to a minimum because they all wanted to savor every morsel. As the other three began to dish out their second helping, Yvette sat back to watch them eat and asked, "So Sam and Toni what are your plans while you both are here? Do you have another job that you'll be heading out to work on soon or do you plan on sticking around for a bit?"_

_Toni opened her mouth to speak, but it was still full of pasta so Sam jumped in saying, "Well I think Toni needs to take it easy for a little while longer, but Tom's asked around and he's found me a job helping the caretaker here."_

"_He did?" Toni asked quietly without even trying to hide her surprise. _

_Sam reached over and took her hand in his and explained in a gentle tone, "Yeah he did. Sorry I just found out while you were sleeping so I hadn't gotten a chance to tell you about it yet."_

"_That's alright… And really great," Toni answered with a soft smile. "And I think he's right Yvette… My body isn't ready for our usual line of work just yet… But I was thinking of calling Paulie to see if he would maybe consider taking pity on me and let me work for him for a bit."_

_The three others gave Toni a knowing smile causing her to ask, "What?" They all shrugged almost in unison and Toni more insistently asked, "What? What did I say that was so funny?" She then turned to her boyfriend and let a growl slip into her tone when she demanded, "Sam? What the hell is it?"_

_Sam smirked and pointed to his obviously overstuffed mouth with his fork as if to say, 'I'd answer if I could'. Tom quickly followed Sam's lead and shoveled two forkfuls of pasta into his mouth to render himself speechless. Not only could her dad not speak, he nearly started to choke on the food in his mouth. Yvette watched the two men and just shook her head at their cowardice._

_After taking a drink from her glass Yvette wiped her mouth on her napkin before calmly replying, "Sweetheart there's no need for you to sound so self-conscious. Paulie has actually been asking about you and about when you might be coming home."_

"_He has?" Toni questioned through an astonished whisper._

_Her dad reached over and gripped her hand tightly saying, "Of course he has… Who's more dedicated on the job than a McNamara? I'm sure people are missing getting ice cold drinks and scalding hot fires in a timely manner down at the tavern."_

_Sam gave Toni a look as if to say 'and so much more' that caused Toni to blush. "Right dad, I'm sure that's it exactly."_

_TONI COULDN'T wait to get back to the townhouse and kick off her shoes, so she didn't. Once she reached their tree-lined walkway Toni stepped out of her heels and carefully bent down to pick them up. The cold paving stones almost felt uncomfortable against the soles of her feet but as she walked closer to her home she just let the icy coolness soothe away the hours she had spent trekking from the kitchen and bar into the dining room and back in her almost uncomfortably high heels. Granted the tips she had made in this one night were bulging in both of the hip pockets of her short skirt but right now she was almost questioning if the pain was truly worth it. _

_Then it happened. Just as she put her foot on the first step to the entrance of the townhouse, the front door flew open. Toni froze in her spot at the sight of Sam's muscular frame taking up the enter doorway and then she noticed the apron he was wearing. Sam dried his hands on the cloth of the apron, but he made no move to get out of the doorway._

"_How was your night?" Sam asked as Toni pulled herself up the stairs using mostly her upper body against the railings so she could keep some of her weight off of her tortured feet._

_Toni paused just before reaching the top landing to glare at Sam while she replied, "We live in the United States of America, right? The land of apple pie, Chevy trucks and baseball…?"_

_When Toni didn't continue Sam quickly stepped forward and nearly snatched her shoes out of her hand with a quick, "Yeah… We do…"_

"_Well then can you explain to me why, on the one night I'm the only scheduled waitress because Tuesdays are our slowest night, we ended up being packed beyond capacity? I mean are the Stanley Cup playoffs one of our national sports? Since when has it become so damn popular?" Toni was now standing in front of Sam. She lost all of the heat from her tone and was now pouting up at him and trying to look pitiful. "My feet hurt so bad and… I think I might have sprained something."_

_Sam looked down at her shoes in his hand and then raised an inquisitive eyebrow to which she added, "I know, I know, but it was supposed to be a SLOW night… Those puppies help my tips from being too pitiful on our slow nights. We were too busy for me to call and ask you to bring me more comfortable shoes to work in tonight."_

"_And tonight they helped?" Sam asked slipping Toni's jacket gently off her arms._

_Toni shrugged nonchalantly replying, "Triple my usual ti- Sam!"_

_She quickly cut herself off and shrieked his name in surprise when her boyfriend picked her up off the ground. He carried her bridal style towards the stars. Toni immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and relaxed in his arms to make it easier for him to carry her to her room on the second floor._

_Sam remained silent until he had gently placed Toni on her bed. "So your dad called while I was at work…" He started slowly kneeling in front of Toni and took her right foot into his hands. "Don't look so worried, he's fine… He just wanted to let us know that he decided to meet up with Yvette at the Fair so we have the house to ourselves for the next…" He paused there intentionally just to make Toni impatient. When she opened her mouth to question him Sam sat up on his knees to kiss her and then whispered in her ear, "Seven days."_

"_A whole week?" She gasped out in disbelief. Toni pulled Sam up and laid back on her bed. "Seven whole days just you and me?"_

"_Yep," Sam replied running his fingers through Toni's hair._

_Toni's hands immediately fell to Sam's waist so that she could work his t-shirt out of his jeans. "I vote we spend them naked and sweaty."_

_Sam huffed out a laugh as he pushed back on the mattress to look down at his girlfriend. "Although I don't completely disagree with you, we both have to go to work tomorrow and you must be sore from being on your feet all night…"_

_Toni folded her arms over her chest while looking up at Sam who was now kneeling on the bed. With a thoroughly unimpressed look on her face, Toni then inquired, "Okay fine… Do you have a counter offer Mister Winchester?"_

_Sam leaned down, pressed his chest flat against Toni's folded arms so that he could whisper into her ear, "I made a couple of platefuls of hors d'oeuvres and have a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge…" He smiled against the shell of her ear when he felt her shiver. "The hot tub was just cleaned today by your very own resident maintenance man and he thought that your tired muscles might deserve a long soak."_

_Toni hummed out a sound of agreement and Sam tried to move back so that he could look down at her but Toni stopped him by wrapping her arms around his neck. After pulling him down for a kiss, Toni whispered against Sam's lips, "I never should have doubted you."_

_Sam laughed but refrained from replying because he didn't want to do anything to spoil the mood. They both then quickly changed into their bathing suits. Toni's legs and feet were still quite sore from being abused at work so she made sure to turn her back on Sam so that she wouldn't be tempt to do anything impulsive like delay him from dressing just so that she could take advantage of him while he was naked._

_Once they were dressed, Toni pulled out a couple of beach towels from the linen closet. She didn't get a chance to offer Sam any help because he had already started carrying out the food while she found the towels. Toni then followed Sam out to the hot tub in complete silence._

_When she stepped outside Toni's breath caught sharply in her throat. Sam had installed some bamboo shades around their sitting area while Toni was at work. He had unrolled them all which gave them complete and total privacy for any time that they would use the picnic table or lounge area and more importantly the hot tub. He had also lit and strategically place nearly a dozen candles around the lounge area and hot tub which gave the whole area a warm, soft glow._

"_Sam… This is… too much," Toni gasped out in complete awe._

_Sam leaned down to kiss his girlfriend and slipped their towels out of her hands as he straightened up to stand straight. "I figured you might want to celebrate our first night alone together in…"_

"_Too long," Toni interrupted. "And you figured right, so let's not delay the celebrations."_

_Toni slipped past Sam en route to the hot tub. As she started up the wooden steps she made a show of slowly untying her bikini top and letting it drop to the ground. Sam paused in his spot to watch her do the same with her bottoms before she slipped into the heated water. Sam let her soak for a count of ten before taking a single step towards the hot tub._

_When he got to the top of the stairs Sam found Toni relaxing in her seat with her eyes closed. It was almost as if she could feel him watching her because Toni's eyes fluttered open before Sam's foot could cause a ripple in the water. She smiled brightly when she saw that Sam had followed her lead and had removed his swim trunks as well. _

_The night was quiet, because all of the McNamara's neighbors turned in for the night well before Toni arrived home from work, except for the soft splashing sounds that Toni and Sam were creating in the hot tub. Since the night was so still they tried to keep the volume of their 'vocal' celebrations to a minimum throughout the night. Their hors d'oeuvres were cold and the wine was warmed to room temperature by the time they consumed them, but neither of them could spare the energy to car. Similarly the next day Sam wasn't too put out that he had to drain and clean the hot tub again because their nocturnal activities had gone exactly according to his plan._

"_HEY TONI?" Sam called out as he placed the rest of the recycling they had accumulated over the week into a plastic bag. He wanted to make sure the house would be spotless for when the Colonel returned home later in the day._

_Toni came into the kitchen carrying a load of laundry fresh from the dryer. "What can I do for you loving boyfriend?" Toni asked in an overly sweet tone as she started to fold the towels that she had dumped onto the table._

"_Well we've been back for a while…"_

"_Four weeks," she interrupted sounding slightly apprehensive. When she had just gotten out of the hospital Toni had been the first one to suggest that they work on trying to find out what happened to Dean, but Sam would have none of it. He was adamant that the only topic Toni should be focused on was her healing. Since her injuries had been some of the most severe damage that she had endured since becoming a hunter and because Sam had been so worried about her, Toni had taken his suggestion to heart. In fact, Toni had taken his directive so seriously that she hadn't once thought about the supernatural or returning to hunting even after they had made it back to Wisconsin. Sam hadn't broached that topic at all either, so Toni suddenly felt apprehensive about what he would say next, especially when Sam had started off by bringing up the amount of time they had been living in relative normalcy._

"_Right, four weeks," Sam repeated pensively. He picked up a towel to fold it while Toni watched him with a cautious eye. "So that would make it close to two months since your surgery and… umm… Doctor Gibbons mentioned that you should… uhh…"_

_Sam continued to keep his eyes trained on his hands that were folding towel after towel. At first Toni's mind focused on Sam folding towels and she thought _wrong! He's doing it all wrong!_ Until her thoughts finally caught up with the words that he had spoken._

"_Doctor…!" She nearly shouted. Toni's hand shot out to still both of Sam's because his treatment of her linens was just too appalling to allow him to continue. Toni squeezed Sam's fingers until he met her eyes before saying, "You're right… Doctor Gibbons did say that I should visit my family doctor once I got home and I did. I didn't tell your or dad about it because there was nothing new to tell. Everything has healed well and on schedule, but he couldn't be certain that everything was… umm… working properly until I… uhh… You know had my period and all…So he said to call him as soon as that happened and he would make sure to fit me in right away."_

_They both ended up on a kitchen chair facing the other with their knees touching during Toni's explanation. Sam laced their fingers together and he looked more hopeful when he asked, "Okay so it's been almost a full month since then, so what did the doctor say?"_

_Toni opened her mouth and then closed it immediately. Her cheeks turned a dark pink color and she refused to make eye contact with Sam. He knew that meant she had something to tell him that she thought was going to upset him so she as holding back. He knew that he couldn't lose his cool so Sam forced himself not to squeeze her hands too tightly or let the tension show in his face._

_When Sam spoke again his voice came out softly and full of loving concern, "Toni…? What did Doctor Fyvie say after your second appointment? Please tell me… I don't care about not being able to have kids or anything like that; I just want to know that you're okay."_

_Toni just shook her head and kept her face tilted down so that Sam couldn't make eye contact with her. Sam unlatched one of his hands so that he could cradle one side of Toni's head. Surprisingly she pressed her head further against Sam's palm, but she never made a move to raise her face up. He then leaned down and placed a fierce kiss against her head, forehead and the temple on the opposed side of where he was holding her face._

"_Toni… please… I promise I won't be mad… Please just tell me what Doctor Fyvie said… Please…"_

_Suddenly Toni shot up to her feet causing her chair to crash down to the floor loudly. Tears were streaming down her face when she finally lifted her chin to look at Sam where he sat in a stunned silence._

"_Don't you get it Sam?!" Toni started in a surprisingly calm tone through her tears. "There hasn't been a second checkup. I finished all of my little pills like I was supposed to so that we could time out when I'd get my stupid period, but it still hasn't fucking happened! I followed all of the instructions just like I was supposed to but it still hasn't fucking come!"_

_Toni threw her hands over her face and turned her back on her boyfriend as she let out a gut wrenching sob. The instant Toni turned her back on him, Sam jumped up to his feet. Toni's shoulders continued to shake violently, but she had managed not to make a sound while she continued to cry. Sam didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around his girlfriend to press her back against his chest. Although Toni jumped at the point of initial contact she never once tried to struggle out of his hold._

"_Hey… shh… Toni it's going to be alright," Sam said comfortingly against his hair. "We'll get through this… together…"_

_Sam squeezed his arms around Toni's torso until she almost couldn't breathe. She shuddered in the circle of his arms and for a brief moment she let him take all of her weight in his arms so that his strength was the only thing keeping her upright. Sam had to shift his stance when he felt Toni go limp in his arms. He understood that this was a pivotal moment in their relationship, Toni letting him support her literally and emotionally, but he totally blanked on what to do next._

_Sam sighed out an almost inaudible 'Toni' just as she straightened up and turned herself around in his arms. Her arms then instinctively wrapped themselves around his waist. The hug she gave him was hard, fierce and passionate. She too understood the pivotal turn their relationship had just taken that day. She finally showed Sam what she had been saying and he finally believed that she trusted him to protect her life, heart, soul and mind. Nothing else had to be said or done to prove that bond was solidified but they still needed to finish getting over this hurdle… together._

"_Sam I… I think… I'm defective or something," Toni admitted into Sam's chest._

"_Hey… hey… hey… don't say that," Sam gently admonished. He ran his hands up and down her back to try to comfort her. "You may be insane but you definitely are not defective."_

_He felt Toni laugh against his torso before she pushed back so that she could look up to his face. "Alright, that may be true but all joking aside… I'm scared Sam. Not only did Doctor Gibbons and Doctor Fyvie think that I'd be basically back to normal by now, but Doc did too. I sent him what I could and filled in some blanks and Doc said that putting me on the pill was a great idea to get me onto a predictable schedule because then my family doctor could figure out when I might be ready for surgery again. But it hasn't come Sam! It hasn't come! What the fuck is wrong with me that my stupid fucking body can't even follow the same stupid routine as millions of other women around the world? Why couldn't I just bleed once I started the stupid sugar pills like I was supposed to? What's so fucking hard about that?"_

"_Hey don't think like that," Sam replied with a firm concerned tone. He ran both hands down each side of Toni's head until he had a firm yet gentle hold on either side of her jaw. "Maybe what that monster did to you can't be easily diagnosed. Maybe you're still healing but those wounds can't be easily found on any X-ray or MRI or whatever other tests they put you through all those months ago. Maybe if they check now then… I don't know exactly but may they can figure out why your body isn't reacting like you and all the doctors has predicted."_

_Toni looked slightly stunned while she asked, "Do you…? Do you really think it would make a difference…? I mean if I went in for a checkup now and all?"_

"_Couldn't hurt could it?" Sam countered with a shrug._

"_I guess not," Toni replied noncommittally. "But…" She carefully pulled Sam's hands from her face to lead him back to their chairs. "But how do I even get them to run all these tests if the one catalyst to get the ball rolling hasn't happened yet?"_

_Even though their bodies were no longer touching they both still felt like Toni was gaining some strength from Sam. He shrugged again then answered, "Who says they need to know?"_

_Toni stared at him in stunned silence for a moment and then a sly smirk started to spread across her lips. "Why Mister Winchester are you suggesting that I lie?"_

"_Not lie, per se… Just keep your symptoms vague when you say that you need to see the doctor."_

"_Ahh let them get all worked up and draw the wrong conclusions. Very devious." Toni stood and gave Sam a lingering kiss. "I knew I didn't love you just for your rock hard body."_

_Sam laughed and tried to pull her onto his lap, but Toni slipped out of his grasp and took a step back. She immediately raised a hand to halt any protests from Sam. "I want to see if I can get in before dad gets home. If you've been able to put the time line together then I'm more than certain that the Colonel has too… Hell that's probably part of the reason why he decided to make himself scarce for the last week."_

"_Yeah that could be true," Sam huffed out with a laugh. He quickly stood up and gave Toni a hug. "I'm right here if you need me."_

"_I know," Toni replied while squeezing his torso tightly._

_They both let go of the other at the same time. Sam wanted to say more but remained silent while he watched Toni walk away. At the door she paused and turned to face Sam who had moved over to the pile of clean laundry_

"_Yeah that could be true," Sam huffed out with a laugh. He quickly stood up and gave Toni a hug. "I'm right here if you need me."_

"_I know," Toni replied while squeezing his torso tightly._

_They both let go of the other at the same time. Sam wanted to say more but remained silent while he watched Toni walk away. At the door she paused and turned to face Sam who had moved over to the pile of clean laundry._

"_Hey Sam…? Do me a favor? Don't touch the towels unless you're going to fold them properly," Toni quipped with a playful smile before she disappeared into the den._

_JUST AS SHE and Sam had predicted Toni easily made an appointment with her doctor. In fact she had made it to his office and was on an examination table within an hour of calling his office. When Toni told him about what had happened, or more precisely what had yet to occur, Doctor Fyvie had been the one to suggest running more tests. Everything was put on a rush so that he could have the answer before she left his office. Who he was paying off or was going to be owing favors to was beyond Toni but she was thankful for it because at least then she might have an answer and a way to fix whatever was wrong with her._

Might get an answer_ she thought to herself as she nearly collapsed into one of the lounge chairs on her father's deck. She couldn't quite bring herself to go into the townhouse just yet because she was feeling too shell-shocked. It was easy enough for the doctor to tell her the truth, but for the life of her she didn't think that she could come out and tell Sam and her father the new the same way that she had received it. She still couldn't bring herself to believe it let alone SHARE it._

Oh God… my dad… How am I going to tell the Colonel?_ She thought as she laid back on the chair's cushion. She pulled out the print out that the doctor had given her and read it over again. She willed the letters to move around so that it said something different, but she had no such luck. It was right there in black and white and now she had to tell Sam. _Maybe I just give him the printout._ She silently contemplated. That thought was quickly dismissed because that would be too cowardly for her taste._

_Toni was still laying outside with her eyes closed when she heard someone standing over her clear their throat. Her eyes flew open and her hand jammed itself even deeper into her hoodie's pocket. Sam had a worried smile on his face. His eyes were filled with nothing but concern and love and suddenly Toni knew exactly what to say._

"_Will you marry me?"_

"_What?" Sam asked look at Toni like she had grown a second head._

_She sat up maintaining very direct eye contact and took one of his hands in hers. "I said 'will you marry me'?" Sam still look too stunned to speak so Toni tried to approach the topic from a different angle. "If I asked you to spend the rest of your life with me and to sign a contract reaffirming that promise would you do it Sam?"_

_Sam listened intently to what Toni had said and then he took a seat beside her knees. She looked less and less sure of herself with every passing second that he remained silent, so he reached out a hand and brushed her hair off her shoulder so that he could wrap his hand gently around her neck._

_With his thumb running back and forth slowly against her jaw Sam finally answered, "You know that I love you and that I do want to be a part of your life for as long as you'll have me, but Toni I also know that you don't want to be married. You never have so I won't force you to do that to prove that you feel the same way about me._

"_What if I've changed my mind? Toni asked sounding like she was just trying to bounce an idea off her partner, like she had so many times when they were at school together._

_Sam gave her a skeptical look before saying, "About marriage? I would probably have to draw a conclusion with you about what brought on the change of heart. Don't get me wrong Toni, I have nothing against marriage but since the day that I met you, you've been against the idea. You didn't even seem to feel all that comfortable pretending to be married for a case, so I guess that I would want to know, why now? What could have more so than if you really wanted to do it?"_

_Toni's fist convulsed around the paper she was holding in her pocket. She then moved her fist out of her pocket slowly and held it out to Sam. He looked down at it then he released his hold on her neck to reach across her torso to place his palm under her hand. She dropped the paper into his hand and gave him a minute to smooth it out and read over its contents._

"_What if I told you that I'm pregnant and I really can't stomach the idea of having a child out of wedlock?" She asked with sadness and uncertainty creeping into her voice for the first time since she had returned home._

_Sam looked up at her face and then back down at the print out a couple of times before he replied, "Is…? Does…?" He stopped there and shook his head to clear his mind. "Are you trying to tell me that you're pregnant?"_

_Toni just nodded as a tear fell from her eye. Sam continued to stare at the paper in his hand as he absentmindedly asked, "But how?"_

_Toni sputtered out a tear-filled laugh then said, "Well…"_

_Realizing his mistake, Sam's cheeks flushed and he tried again saying, "Okay I know HOW it happened, but we've been… Well you've been careful so I thought that meant…"_

"_I wasn't taking the pill until our third day here… And even then it isn't usually considered completely effective until after the first full month," Toni explained sheepishly._

"_Oh shit you're right, I should have remembered that." Sam sat back and away from Toni looking guilty and ashamed. "I'm so sorry. This is… this is all my fault."_

_Toni shook her head pulling herself closer to Sam and replied, "No I could have remembered to tell you to wear a condom, but I didn't so I think we can safely say that we share the blame. Please don't beat yourself up about it Sam, we both did this together… More than enough time to make the outcome closer to being an eventuality instead of just a possibility."_

"_Yeah that may be true, but I'm not the one who has another life developing in their body." Sam placed a tentative hand on Toni's stomach then continued, "We may have created this little one together, but it's your body that will change, it's your lifestyle that will have to completely transform while he or she grows, so ultimately it has to be your decision for what we do from here."_

"_Sam," Toni started as she placed her hand over top of his. "I… I can't have an abortion… I just… I can't kill our baby… I've always sort of thought that I would if this… But I can't… I just seems so wrong, but I don't want to do this without you or…"_

"_While we aren't married?" Sam asked when Toni trailed off._

_She nodded with her eyes squeezed tightly closed. Toni then opened her eyes as tears spilled down her cheeks. "It's crazy right? One little test comes back positive and suddenly I become June fucking Cleaver or something, but it's true. I'm ready to do it all, get hitched, start a family and live the American Dean with you… But I've had some time to think about all of this and I know it's a lot to take in, so if you need some time to think it over, I understand. You can take off alone to wherever you want for a couple of day to think about it if you want to and… And I promise whatever you decide I… I won't get mad and I'll still love you no matter what Sam."_

"_No," Sam replied immediately. "No just ask me again." Toni stare at him blankly so Sam batted his eyes then smile coyly and said, "The thing you asked me when I first came out here, ask me again."_

_Toni's brows knitted together in confusion as she asked, "You mean 'will you marry me'?"_

"_Well when you ask so nicely how can a guy refuse?" Sam teased._

"_Seriously you…? You mean that you will?" Toni hoarsely asked through a fresh bout of tears._

_Sam leaned forward and kissed Toni softly. "Seriously I will. And if you play your cards right I might even put out before you buy me a ring."_

_Toni laughed softly and then wiped her tears away from her cheeks, "Okay so we're really doing this?"_

"_We're really doing this," Sam confirmed after he kissed her on the lips, cheek and neck._

_Toni threw her arms around Sam's neck then pulled him down on top of her while she nearly attacked his mouth. They kissed until they were forced to part to catch their breath. Sam took that as an opportunity to unzip Toni's hoodie so that he could lovingly pet her flat stomach. _

_The look of pure reverence on Sam's face caused Toni's breath to catch in her throat so she tried to joke her way out of this uncomfortable moment saying, "Well if I'm buying the jewelry then I guess that means that you get to tell Dad about the baby."_

_Sam shook his head and leaned down to kiss Toni again with his hand still on her mid-section. "No we'll buy the rings together and as for the Colonel… Why don't we just send him a letter?"_

_Toni laughed rather loudly but didn't get a chance to reply because her dad beat her to it asking from the patio door, "Send me a letter about what?"_

**********************  
End flashback  
**********************

"So that's basically it," Toni said as she continued to fidget with the rings on her finger. "After that we had a small ceremony at the chapel near the retirement complex. We then rented a small house not far from where my dad's place is, I gave birth to our son and that's about it. So what about you Dean? Where were you while all of this was happening?"

Dean stared at Toni for a moment looking slightly overwhelmed. He lifted his glass to his lips but found that it was just as empty as it had been once Toni reached the mid-point of her story. He opened his mouth to speak, but it felt too dry to form words.

Toni could tell that Dean was still processing all of the information that she had given him, so she carefully plucked his glass out of his hands saying, "Why don't I get you a refill while you try to digest everything."

She was in the kitchen pouring out another generous serving of whiskey when Dean finally snapped out of his virtual trance. He stood up and walked over to the kitchen island then said, "No… no way. That isn't the whole story Toni. You didn't explain why you're now living in Everett, especially since you said you don't like coming back up here after what happened to your brother AND you didn't explain why Sam isn't here with you fulfilling his duties as a husband and father. So no dice, I still won't tell you what happened to me. At least not until you fess up and tell me the whole god damned truth."

Dean had been speaking to Toni's back and he felt his heart sink when he saw how Toni slumped down a bit more with every word he spoke. He didn't want to upset her in anyway, but he wanted to know the truth about what had happened. Toni had admitted that she and Sam had given in and tried to achieve the proverbial American Dream, but then what happened? How did she become a single parent on the opposite side of the continent from where their strange little journey began?

"Look Toni I'm not trying to bust your balls or anything, I just want to understand what happened. It sounded like you two were happy and maybe even a little excited about becoming parents and yet Sam never breathed a word about it to me an you're…"

"Living completely out of my element," Toni interrupted as she turned around to face Dean.

He took the glass she now held out to him as he sat at a stool at the island. Toni turned her back on him once again and started filling her kettle with water while saying, "So after we got married I decided that I wanted to find a proper job. Working at Paulie's was fun and I made great tips, but once I had the engagement ring on I noticed a steady decline in my tips. Some guys became more flirtatious, like it was a new challenge for them or something but most of the regulars totally backed off. Once I was off the market they even looked a little sad." She remained standing with her back leaning against the counter so that the island separated them and shrugged. "Kind of pathetic, right?"

"No," Dean replied quietly. "Not pathetic at all. Any guy with half a brain would know how lucky he is to snag some time with you."

Toni smiled, albeit somewhat sadly. "Thanks." She turned her back to Dean again while she made a small pot of tea and said, "Well in any case, I talked it over with him and I just didn't want to go back to being the slutty looking waitress at a dive bar after our son was born. I mean how would that look at parent/teacher day?" She paused there and hung her head as she scolded herself, "Not that it should matter… I mean so long as you're working a legitimate job providing for your child who cares what you're doing, right?"

Dean wasn't sure if Toni was asking a rhetorical question or if she actually wanted him to give her an answer. Since Toni remained silent and frozen in her place, Dean quietly replied, "It shouldn't matter, but you're right, it does… And I for one find it admirable that you would take your son's feelings into consideration even before he was born."

Toni turned to find him again with a sad smile on her face. She then found a seat on the opposite side of the island and took a sip of her tea. "Thanks again for saying that. So anyway I started looking for a job but surprisingly enough there aren't many people that are eager to hire a college dropout whose only job experience for nearly a decade is sporadic stints spent as a bartending waitress at a family friend's establishment. Dad put out the word to his friends and somehow word got to Doc that I was looking for a job where I could finally put down some roots. His receptionist had just given her notice because her husband was being transferred out of State, so he called me up and offered me the job."

"Even with you having a little one on the way?" Dean gently prodded when Toni's attention seemed to get fixated on the tea in her mug.

She sighed and shook her head. "He didn't know I was pregnant… When I told him it took him a little bit to recover and once he had he told me that he would hold the position for me until I was ready to move. So that's what I did. Dad flew up here and found us this place for us. He arranged for it to be furnished and everything else. He also looked for a place for him and Yvette but he didn't really find anything he liked for them. I offered to let them stay here but Yvette was adamant that we had to make this our home without their interference. So again that's what I did. I flew out with Ryan and dad drove my truck packed up with all of our stuff and then once I got here I just had to buy a few odds and ends to finish everything up I've even done some painting so don't worry, this place is pretty much as safe as Bobby's panic room was…"

Dean smiled then replied, "Well that's definitely good to hear. So when you say 'we', do you mean you and the little guy or…?"

Toni huffed out a sad laugh then said, "No originally it was supposed to be the three of us, but then 'we' became just the two of us."

"Alright," Dean said slowly. "So I guess what I'm wondering is what happened to dwindle you trio into a duo."

"Oh well you know things happen, people grow apart," Toni answered evasively while completely avoiding eye contact. She then stood up abruptly and started pouring herself another cup of tea. Instead of drinking it black like she had her previous cup. Toni started going through her cupboards to find honey thus prolonging the amount of time her back remained facing Dean. "Can I get you anything else Dean? Another drink? Something to eat? You must be hungry."

"No," Dean replied standing up from his seat. "No I don't want anything to eat Toni. I want you to stop avoiding my question and just tell me what the hell happened between you and Sam."

"How about a sandwich? I could whip you up a sandwich really quickly," Toni offered as if Dean hadn't spoken at all.

Dean paused to give that offer some consideration but quickly shook his head to get back on track. He then moved around the island and reached out to grab Toni's right arm in order to keep her from moving around anymore. To his surprise Toni's whole body was trembling violently. Dean hadn't been able to notice that she was shaking like a leaf because she had been moving around so much. Toni looked scared to him like he had never witnessed before and he couldn't help but wonder why.

"Toni?" He asked quietly going against his instinct to just shake her violently while demanding that she stop beating around the bush. "Toni what did he do to you that has you so freaked out? Please talk to me, I promise that I'll keep you as safe as I can."

Shaking her head slowly from side to side, Toni wrenched her arm out of Dean's hold and stepped away from him so that she would be beyond his reach. "Dean it isn't like that." She hugged her arms tightly around her body and looked like she was trying to warm herself up. "It isn't anything close to that. Look…" She turned to face Dean once again. "We drifted apart… Our priorities changed. We're all happy and healthy like you said so that's all that matters, right? Just drop it Dean."

Toni was starting to look more like the confident woman Dean remembered by the defiant look that she now wore on her face. Since the gentler approach did nothing to help him get closer to the truth, Dean opted to try a more familiar approach.

"Fuck that noise Toni! What the hell do you mean your 'priorities changed'? Family is all that matters so explain to me what you mean," Dean demanded raising his voice so that he was nearly shouting.

"Dean please don't yell," Toni replied in an eerily calm tone.

"Don't…" Dean started in an even louder voice.

Toni actually stepped closer to Dean and raised a hand to silence him as she interrupted to explain, "I don't want the neighbors to call the cops because they think they're hearing a domestic dispute or something. I assume that there's still no love lost between you and the boys in blue?" Dean nodded as if to tell Toni he understood her warning and that he apologized for raising his voice. Toni sighted then brushed past him to play around with her cup of tea again. "Family still is both of our top priorities Dean, don't worry about that. He and I would maim or murder to keep our families safe, no worries there."

Dean stared at the side of Toni's head and then threw his hands up in defeat. "Fine you both love your families. You both would do anything to keep your family safe. Yeah okay that totally explains why you and your son are living in this apartment alone without a husband or father to help you. My mistake… it was all just too logical for me to comprehend."

Toni laughed lowly and shook her head. She was still stirring her tea when she turned to face Dean with a self-satisfied smirk on her face as replied, "Actually if you stop to think about it, it does explain everything."

"What?" Dean questioned with a confused look on his face.

"Just stop to think about it Dean. Family is the only thing that matters and both of us would drop everything if we found out a love one needed us," Toni stated sounding like what she was saying shouldn't be confusing Dean at all.

"Okay… Seriously… What? That makes no sense at all."

"Sure it does Dean. How long was it after your call that your brother showed up at the cabin?"

"Less than three days, but what…?" Suddenly Dean stopped himself from completing that thought. Toni quirked an eyebrow and then her meaning finally came clear to him. He slowly slipped into his seat again asking, "You aren't trying to say that Sam dropped everything to help me and take care of me, are you? I mean you and Ryan are his family now. His place is right here with you."

Toni took a slow drink from her mug before replying, "I had hoped so too, but it turns out he had a different idea." She saw Dean open his mouth to protest so she quickly added, "It's alright Dean. I was angry with him for a while because I thought that he had broken a promise to me, but then I realized that his commitment to you came first and therefore superseded anything he could pledge to me."

"Don't say it like that Toni. Ryan's his blood too; he owes his son more than he owes me."

"It's nice of you to say that, but it's more than your brotherly bond that drew him back to you. I told him that I wouldn't touch anything remotely related to hunting while I was pregnant and once Ryan was born I realized there was no going back for me. Sure he'll grow up knowing about everything that goes bump in the night so that he'll know how to keep himself safe, but there's no way I'm going out of my way to put myself in a situation where I could get hurt or worse. I'm a mother first now. Hell hunting was really just something that I was doing because I had nothing else in my life. Or at least back then I didn't think I did but now… Well I have a new purpose in life. As for your brother… He might say John did you two a disservice with the way he raised you, but in reality he molded you two into the men you were meant to be."

"And that would be who?" Dean asked trying not to let his anger show in his tone.

"Who you are today. And no I'm not intentionally being obtuse, I just… If you don't get it by now then I'm not really sure I can explain." Dean gave Toni a look so she once again threw her hands up in surrender. "Alright… alright I'll try. You and him… You sort of have this savior complex… Both of you would die to save the other, quite literally in some cases. And then came the Apocalypse… I know, I know your brother felt responsible, blah, blah, blah… No matter what else happened you two were chosen by God for a greater purpose. I won't get all preachy on you because I'm damn happy you kept the world from ending, but that brings me back to my point."

"It does?" Dean asked in a teasing tone.

Toni actually blushed then laughed answering, "Sorry I spend most of my free time with Ryan so almost all of the conversations I have are one sided… When I yammer on to him about all of this stuff he just smiles, or giggles or falls asleep on me." Dean smiled at Toni's joke but didn't say anything else to impede her narrative. "So anyways the more and more I thought about it, the more I've come to the conclusion that hunting isn't just something you do, it's actually who you ARE. I thought it was the same for me, but the instant the doctor told me I was going to be a mother, I turned my back on it and I've never looked back."

"Okay I get that. So you're saying that you could but Sam didn't?"

"It's not like it was for a lack of trying Dean." She passed there to swallow back tears that were forming so that she could continue to speak clearly. "He really did try Dean. He was there for me every step of the way during my pregnancy. He held my hair back when I was throwing up from morning sickness… he drove to the store at all hours of the day and night, two or three times some nights, to get me whatever I was craving. He even let me squeeze the shit out of his hand when I went into labor. The house we rented wasn't too spectacular, but he made sure it was baby proofed and ready for the day we brought our son home. He did everything I could have asked for, but…"

"But what?" Dean asked with his voice raw with emotion.

Toni got up and sat on the stool beside Dean. She really wanted to give him a rib crushing hug, but she knew that that show of affection would just make things more awkward between them, so she opted instead to just hold one of his hands as she continued, "But it turns out he had at least a few bouts of true honesty while he was soulless. When we were working that job together in Mississippi he said that the dream of living a normal, cookie cutter life died with Jessica. It sounded a bit extreme and absolute at the time but it's the truth. He always thought that that was what he wanted, but when Jess died… well he was finally forced to face reality."

"But it was Azazel that set that all up. That damn demon manipulated everything in Sam's life to try to for him to be Lucifer's vessel."

"And you had angels doing the same thing too. Sure they were a bit slower to find the bandwagon, but they still jumped on it none the less. And Dean I' m not trying to play the blame game or anything, I'm just saying… Well… it is what it is."

Dean's brows furrowed in thought and he seemed to pick his words very carefully when he next spoke. "So what you're saying is that when Sam answered your cell phone, he said 'oh Dean's back, gotta go back to my real life' and you replied, 'oh okay… it's just you doing your thing. Love you… bye'?"

Toni laughed and let a tear escape from her eye. "No it was more like he told me some guy pretending to be you called my cell and that he wanted to check it out. Then I told him to forget it because that wasn't our lives anymore. Then after not too long our 'discussion' turned into a screaming match that ended with me telling him I… and this is pretty much a direct quote… I didn't fucking care what he decided to do because I was moving with our son so that he could have a normal fucking life that neither of us got to live. Dad found this apartment two days later and the day he left Dad, Yvette and I packed up the house so Ryan and I could move out here to the Northwest."

"Whoa," Dean replied after a long pause. "And you didn't tell Sam where you were going?"

Toni shrugged. "I honestly didn't think he cared. Although in my defense, he knew my new job was at Doc's office and therefore would be near the Puget Sound. I haven't changed any of my cell numbers; I even keep my old 'work' ones charged up just in case. I haven't changed vehicles and my plates only changed because I had to get insurance here in Washington State. My number's listed in the phone book and… and I haven't changed my name." She paused and twirled her rings around her finger and seemed to be talking more to them than her brother-in-law. "We never got a divorce so I'm still Mrs.… umm… Mrs. Sam Winchester because… well we never got a divorce and all… so… if he wanted to find me, he could, but he hasn't so there you have it."

Toni's reluctance to say his brother's name made Dean realize that she hadn't ever actually used it once during their discussion. She may have said that she wasn't angry with Sam anymore but he could now see that she still bore deep wounds that were raw. Toni was still putting on a brave face for him and he figured that his nephew was the reason why. She had to stay strong for her son and Dean felt mildly guilty that he was causing her to feel less stable and sure footed.

"You don't use his name much," Dean blurted out. Toni's eyebrows shot up in surprise and then her face crumbled slightly under her confusion. "My brother… that's the first time you've actually said his name. Now I'm not pointing fingers here Toni, I'm just observing that maybe you aren't as okay with all of this as you make it sound like you are… and again I'm not judging, I'm just saying…"

Toni nodded and once again surprised Dean when she said, "Yeah you might have a point… but then again no one here really know his name. Doc and all of Will's old friends just called him 'my guy' or such. Vanessa… well she refuses to talk about him… she was completely livid when she found out that we broke up and Ryan… well when I tell him stories about how you two have saved people and the world, I usually say 'your dad' or 'your daddy' so I guess I just got used to him being an abstract thought and not a person anymore."

"But with me being here, it made him more human?"

Toni shrugged and replied, "I guess. I don't know Dean. Maybe I'm still secretly harboring the hope that your… that Sam will knock on that door and beg me to take him back. Maybe that's the reason I haven't gone to a lawyer to start divorce proceedings. Maybe deep down I know that I'm full of shit and have just been putting on a brave from. But you know what? At the end of the day I really don't give a fuck. I have a new life here with Ryan. He has roots and friends and places where people know us by name. I never had that growing up, but now when I go to places like the Starbucks up the street, they greet us with a smile and a 'Good morning Ryan and Toni'. We have a home here and a life, just the two of us and at the end of the day that's all that matters." Dean stared at her in silence prompting Toni to blush as she added, "Sorry, I didn't mean to verbally upchuck on you like that."

"No, no it's okay. You needed to say it and I needed to hear it. If you didn't I probably would have made some stupid declaration like 'you can't keep Sam away from his son like this' or 'a boy deserves to know his father'… but you're right, you're the parent that stayed so you've earned the right to be the one to make the life decisions for him," Dean replied shifting their grip so that he was the one holding Toni's hand against his thigh.

"Thanks Dean… but…" Toni stood up and Dean let her slip her hand out of his as she slowly walked away. "There's something I was to show you."

She moved quickly towards the TV stand without making it look like she was in a rush. Whatever it was that she wanted to retrieve was easily found, but Toni moved slowly to take it in hand. Dean barely caught a glimpse of the book as Toni pulled it off the shelf and then hugged it against her chest.

Toni seemed to relish a moment of silence in the living room before she turned to walk back to where Dean remained seated. Her return course seemed to take more time to complete, but Toni didn't look like she was trying to stall or delay the inevitable. Instead her footsteps just looked unhurried. Her face remained fairly serene and only her grip on the book gave any indication that she might be feeling any tension.

"Even though he may never see his father again in person," Toni started as she placed what Dean could now see was a photo album on the counter top in front of him. "He will always have this to remind him of the man his father is. I'm not going to hide the truth from him because I want Ryan to know that the life he chooses to live really is his choice. If when he's old enough he decides he wants to learn more about hunting then I'll be happy to show him that world because it's a part of his heritage. But then again he wants to follow his other uncles' footsteps and chooses to enlist in the military, no matter what branch; I'll support him then too."

Dean carefully pulled the album closer to himself as Toni spoke. When she was done she watched him flip it open to the front page. The first few pages held a variety of photos from Toni and Sam's Stanford days. There were a lot of group shots with people Dean had never met with faces he couldn't give a name. Then there were more than a few duos featuring just the future Mr. and Mrs. Winchester and just one with the happy couple along with a soldier donning combat fatigues.

"That's my brother Alex," Toni explained when she noticed that Dean seemed to have lingered on that particular photo. "He only visited me the once at school and he was the only one that got to meet Sam back then… Although he never outright said it, I think he approved of him."

Dean smiled then said, "Well how could he not?"

Toni just smiled at Dean's joke and then she let him continue to go through the pages in silence and at his own speed. It turned out that Toni had been quite the shutterbug because she'd even been able to capture a few candid shots of the Winchester brothers that Dean knew nothing about at all. Dean smiled at the snapshot images of himself and his brother because right now those images felt like a lifetime ago. And then he froze mid-page turn because a couple of the photos on the page really did look like they were taken a couple of decades ago.

Toni once again anticipated that Dean would stop on that page so she quietly explained, "I found those at Bobby's place while you guys left me behind to check out your granddad's book collection. And before you accuse me of being a klepto or something, Bobby told me that I could keep them."

Dean nodded then turned his eyes to look at Toni and say, "Wow you must have really loved Sam if you would still sleep with him after seeing what a goofy looking kid he was."

"Dean!" Toni exclaimed as she gave him a playful shove. "It isn't for those of us who were blessed with these good looks to judge the less fortunate."

The joke wasn't delivered with much enthusiasm, but Dean still laughed politely. As Dean continued to look at the pictorial history of his brother and sister-in-law (that term still sounded too strange for Dean to wrap his head around) Dean fell completely silent. He and Sam had never really tried to scrap book their lives like this, it wasn't like they had many photos to do so. Sure they had the box of photos that Jenny had given them after they had returned to their childhood home, but Dean had made sure to leave them in one of John's storage lockers to ensure their safety.

_Safe_ Dean thought to himself with a scoff. Sure they might not get damaged but what's the point in having such photos if no one got to see them? _Maybe I should give them to Toe…_

Before Dean could finish forming that thought in his mind, he was struck dumb by the next set of photos that were in the album. These ones were more recent than the last few and were most definitely taken while he was fighting every manner of beast imaginable in order to find a portal out of Purgatory. How did he know that that was a fact and not a fleeting assumption? The first clue was a shot of Toni in a white gown standing under a lattice arch covered in pink and white roses holding a bouquet of flowers while standing beside Sam who was in a tuxedo. They both were smiling so brightly that Dean could only draw one conclusion.

"This is your wedding day."

Toni nodded then unnecessarily explained, "Like I told you before, we kept it fairly low key… mostly because I wanted to get married as soon as possible. A few of dad's friends came, but neither Sam nor I had any friends there… I didn't allow enough time… I didn't want anyone but us, dad and Yvette to know that I got pregnant before I was married. I have no idea why that was so important to me, but it was and Sam let me be neurotic about it."

Dean nodded through her explanation and turned through two more pages of that day showing the happy couple with a bunch of retired veterans that Dean would never meet. When he got to the obligatory photos of the bride with her father, Dean almost lost his breath. Toni understood what it meant to feel loss but at that moment he realized that Sam had no one during that time. Well no one except the woman he married, but she still had her father. In a million years Dean never would have imagined that he would see such a goofy looking smile on any retired veteran's face. Then he saw the last pictures of the set. In this set it was just the Colonel in his well fitted uniform with Sam in his tuxedo. There were two obligatory 'stoic' poses, but the last one broke the mold. In the last one someone had caught the two men in a moment of pure elation. Both of them were doubled over in laughter with a hand on the other man's shoulder. In that moment Dean couldn't easily recall the last time he saw his brother look so happy without any reservations to stop him at all.

"Thank you," Dean heard himself say over the lump that had grown in his throat.

Not understanding where the emotion had come from that she could hear in Dean's voice, Toni raised her eyes from the photo album to Dean's face and asked, "You're welcome?"

Knowing that Toni was at a loss to understand the sincerity of his gratitude, Dean tried his best to explain. "You gave this to him Toni. You pretty much gave him everything he talked about wanting when he was a kid. And you… Damn you did it. You… you even gave him the proverbial proud dad moment."

Toni looked down at the three photos that continued to hold Dean's attention and felt tears welling up in her eyes once again. Feeling more than a little bit guilty Toni tried to protest saying, "No Dean I… I didn't… We didn't, he just…"

"He just won your dad over to the point that the Colonel was calling him 'son'. Tell me that I'm wrong." Dean raised a questioning brow and Toni could only blush, shake her head and avert her eyes from Dean's gaze. "It's okay Toni, I'm just… I guess I'm grateful that someone finally let him get a taste of that life."

"Yeah I guess I did manage to do that," Toni said with a sarcastic bite.

Dean reached over to squeeze Toni's knee but kept his eyes on the photo album as he said, "Don't belittle it Toni. You did something I thought that no one would be able to do and that's something you should be…"

When Dean trailed off Toni knew that he had reached the copy of her first sonogram photo. Sam had had the same reaction when they had been in the doctor's office together. The two of them had been carrying on a conversation about their plans for the next day, but suddenly Sam stopped mid-sentence at the first sight he had gotten of their child.

Toni understood how overwhelming it could feel so she just eased her way off her stool to let Dean get through the next few pages at his own pace. Even though she had lived through it, Toni couldn't help but feel choked up while she stared at the pictures of the changes in her body. This time Toni opted to load the dishwasher in order to avoid watching Dean's face while he watched her stomach grow from picture to picture.

"Toni… You… you…" Dean stammered out quietly as she heard him turn the page once again.

Without looking up at him or checking where he was in her 'progression' Toni quickly retorted, "I was as big as a fucking house. I know! Please don't remind me. I swear I'm this close to working off the last few pounds but it's not that easy. Some sadist made sure that men like you can burn off calories while just sitting on their ass, but the women who actually have to carry the babies…"

Toni quieted her tirade at the stunned look on Dean's face. He remained silent as he turned the book around so that Toni could look at the photos properly. His index finger tapped a photo of an exhausted looking Toni holding a tiny baby wrapped in a blue blanket. She was definitely laying in a hospital bed and Sam was somewhat awkwardly standing with one arm draped behind Toni's head while throwing his other arm over Toni's arms holding their newborn child and Dean finally finished his thought, "You looked so beautiful and happy. It… you… your pictures remind me of the ones I saw when… uhh while she was…"

Toni knew who he was talking about right away and she knew how much Dean hated talking about the family he left behind so she quickly interrupted him saying in a humorous tone, "Quit fucking with me Dean. I know I look like shit. Your nephew may have decided to come two months early but that doesn't mean that he didn't keep his mom up for thirty three hours straight… Why do you men think that lying to us about how horrible we look will make us feel better?" Dean looked up at her with a tear clinging to his eyelash causing Toni to tear as well and recant her previous statement. "But everyone did say that I was glowing while I was pregnant and that Sam… well when Ryan was in ICU for a week Sam wouldn't leave him alone and yet he always managed to look deliriously happy."

"Delirious," Dean snorted out with a laugh. "That's one way of putting it… but seriously Toni you… Shit how do I say this so you won't deck me?" Dean flipped through the pages of photos. "You wore and still wear your motherhood beautifully. You never really looked like a house to me… hell in this picture I can barely tell that we were pregnant except for the fact that Sam is holding your stomach. Seriously Toni this album… I wish I had some pictures to give you to add to this mini history you've put together. You know so that Ryan could get to know more about Sam and me."

Toni finally gave into her urge to hug Dean. She threw her arms around his neck and then said with her body plastered against his right side, "I would really like that too." She then realized what she had done and pulled back away from him quickly. She scrubbed her new tears away from her eyes with the heels of her hands adding, "I mean that would be nice if you had them, but it's okay… Anyway if you do find any why don't you put them in there?" Dean's eyebrows turned down with a look of confusion prompting Toni to startle out a quick laugh. "Oh right, I think I missed a step… That… uhh… that album is yours… well I made it for Sam. I don't know if he cares, but I thought… I don't know if he cares, but I thought… I don't even know what I was thinking but there it is… our lives in a nutshell and the first year of Ryan's life. I would have sent it to him but with Bobby's place… well you know… I didn't know where to send it…"

While Toni stumbled through her explanation, Dean finished looking at the pictures of his nephew. He kept his eyes on a picture of Ryan standing with the aid of a coffee table and one hand on a small toy car that look suspiciously like his beloved Impala and distractedly answered, "Are…? Are you sure? I mean it's a wonderful album, but don't you want to keep it for yourself?"

"I do," Toni replied sounding like she once again had her emotions under control. "That's why I made three of them." The look that Dean gave her caused her to laugh straight from the belly. "I figured the Colonel would want one too. Plus scanners and a computer… Those make it too easy to print out duplicates and I've finally gotten used to living off of minimal sleep so I needed something to do while normal people, like my son, sleep at night."

Dean smile but it still looked a little sad because he understood what she meant. When she had first joined him, Sam and Bobby on jobs, she had found it hard to keep up with the three of them because of how little they slept. On more than one occasion she had fallen asleep at the table or desk trying to tough it out even though all of the men told her that it was fine for her to go to bed. She never did give into the urge unless one of them hit the sack first. She also never complained about the aches and pains she had to of been feeling from sleeping at such odd angles. But by the time they worked their last job together she had easily fallen into stride with their sleeping patterns and tried not to look smug when Sam woke up with his head in her lap while she continued reading through the night.

Hearing Toni say that getting minimal sleep to get through the day was one habit that stuck with her made Dean feel a little bit sad because she had a child that she had to care for and being sleep deprived couldn't be good for a new mom's health. Toni watched Dean's face contort into a look of chagrin and shame. Everything that they had talked about was painful and yet amazingly cathartic and Toni would hate for Dean to only focus on the negative.

"Dean I have a fourteen month old that just got over the flu," Toni offered to try to ease his mind. "Having those photo albums to focus on helped to keep me sane. I'm good Dean… We're happy… Please don't… don't do this to yourself. Everyone's where they're meant to be… "

After letting out a heavy sigh Dean nodded then said, "Well if you can believe that then who am I to argue?" Toni opened her mouth to protest, but Dean didn't find out what she was going to say because he quickly added, "Well it's getting late and I should be getting back before Sam… you know starts to wonder where I am and… yeah… I should probably… you know… go."

Toni nodded and bit her lip hard to fight back a fresh round of tears before replying, "Right… right it is getting late…"

Dean got up from his spot slowly to retrieve his jacket form the arm of the couch. Toni picked up the album and started to follow him to the door but stopped suddenly at the end of the kitchen island. At the door Dean adjusted the collar of his jacket before making his final approach to the door. He turned to say goodbye and was slightly taken aback to find Toni standing so far away.

Toni twirled the photo album on the island's counter top and kept her eyes focused on it while she hesitantly asked, "Dean did you…? Would you…? Did you want to meet your nephew?"

Dean's mouth gaped open for a second and then he tried to recover quickly saying, "Actually I would, but it's really late Toni… I don't want to disturb him."

He startled in his spot when Toni laughed loudly at his reply. "Sorry… sorry…" she apologized through gasps for breath. Toni was still bent over at the waist holding her stomach when she tried her best to explain. "Dean I'm sorry but I'm that neurotic mother you read about that check on her baby a minimum of five times a night, so…"

"Toni…" Dean finally replied after a full minute of staring at her because he was at such a loss for words.

Feigning nonchalance, Toni shrugged then replied, "He was a premie, so I worry… Would you at least like to say a proper 'goodnight' to him?"

Dean shrugged with a quiet 'Sure' on his lips. He notice the odd look in Toni's eye as he took of his jacket so he said, "Babies like to spit up and this shirt is a hell of a lot easier to wash then my jacket would be."

Shaking her head Toni chuckled and said, "Sure Dean that makes sense… But if it makes you feel better, he's been spit up free for nearly five months now. He kicked that habit cold turkey, I swear."

"Good to hear," Dean replied with a laugh as he started to follow Toni deeper into the apartment.

The first room they passed was decorated fairly simply. There was a queen sized bed, a dresser and a desk as well as a closet that had its door left open. The walls were painted a light blue and the ceiling was the same white that the ceilings in every other room had. The curtains in the room were a darker shade of blue that matched the duvet cover on the bed. Dean was impressed how the furniture in the room accented the paint and linens so well and how the room maintained a gender air despite being decorated in such a stereotypical masculine color.

"That's the guest bedroom, Toni explained as she walked back to Dean's side. "Anywhere you see white paint you can assume there's a devil's trap or some other anti-demon or anti-angel warding."

Dean nodded then unconsciously did a full sweep with his eyes of the apartment from where he was standing to check for white surfaces. All of Toni's doors and ceilings were painted white. His eyes swept over the window in the guest room yet again and yes it was painted white as well.

"Ceilings, doors and window sills," Toni commented when Dean refrained from saying anything else. "I figure those cover the main areas of concern, right? Plus we're on the seventh floor… That should keep out the humans."

"Right," Dean chuckled as they passed a closed door with a wooden sign that read 'RIOT' on it. "But… where…?"

Without stopping Toni replied, "UV paint is a wonderful thing. Mix it in a little white paint and its color is just different enough to be effective, but it isn't noticeable enough to scare off… civilians."

"Ha," Dean huffed out a laugh in understanding. "Good to know, but… Isn't this…?"

Toni stopped abruptly in her spot to turn and look at Dean. Without saying a word, she walked over to his side and opened the door. The room was too dark to see anything so she flipped on the light to bask the smaller room in a soft while glow.

Dean couldn't stop his feet form stepping deeper inside the room. This room's walls were a deep teal color and around the tops of the wall just missing meeting the ceiling was a border adorning a repeated pattern of the Seattle Mariners logo. All of the furniture in the room was white and they were plastered with a variety of stickers of baseball players and the team's mascot. That same moose mascot was alive in the form of a variety of stuffed animals in virtually every size imaginable around the room. In one corner, by what assumed was a closet, there was a half dozen baseball bat, both wooden and aluminum, propped up against the wall with a variety of gloves of different sizes at their base. The desk beside them had a small desk top computer as well as bobble head dolls of baseball players that Dean wish he could name.

"Doc helped me do some shopping while he was getting a present for his son's birthday," Toni said as she moved a plush moose form the pillows on the bed to an empty spot on the dresser. "After being left alone in the team store at the mall I think that I may have gone a little over-board. Doc swears that any little boy would kill to have a room that looks like this, but some days I'm not so sure."

Dean watched Toni while she reorganized a few Mariner moose plush animals and a few ball player bobble-head figurines on the dresser. Although she wasn't putting any conscious thought into what she was doing, Toni's face contorted into a deep scowl. More and more often Toni would doubt that she had decorated this room appropriately, but then she would talk with her dad or Doc about it and they would convince her to wait just another day before she did anything rash. Once she reached the end of her twenty four hour 'cooling off' period, Toni usually found something else to fret about, so the room had remained the same. Well she may have picked up a couple more trinkets or pieces of memorabilia to add to the collection in the room. Now she was moving around re-arranging anything that she could get her hands on and only stopping when she felt Dean gently grab her arm to force her to quit moving.

"Toni this room looks amazing," he praised in a soft voice because she looked like she was completely spooked. "And if Ryan doesn't appreciate it then I'd be more than happy to move in."

Toni laughed quietly and dropped the stuffed animal she was holding onto a chair by a window. She kept her eyes focused on the toy as she replied, "Thanks again Dean." After taking in a deep breath, Toni turned back around to face Dean. "I bet you didn't think that you'd be spending the majority of the night being my own personal cheerleader. And I swear that wasn't the reason why I invited you over either." She shook her head then turned back towards the window that had its navy blue curtains with thin silver stripes on it closed. "I just… I mean when I…"

Dean stepped forward and placed a hand on Toni's lower back. "You need to stop over-thinking this Toni. You've set up an incredible home here and a pretty good life. It may not be perfect, but who or what is?"

"You're right… you're right…" Toni paused then turned to Dean and asked, "So really…? You think this room looks okay?" Dean stared at her with a look of disbelief because he couldn't believe that she still doubted herself so much. Toni then laughed and slapped his arm softly with an open palm. "I was just joking Dean. Now come on, the night isn't getting any younger."

Dean followed Toni out into the hall and watched as she raised her hand and ghosted the tips of her fingers over the plaque with her son's nickname. Just like he had back in the parking lot, Dean averted his gaze because he almost felt like a Peeping Tom that was spying on a very private and intimate moment. In the time that he had been away, Toni had changed into a woman that he almost didn't recognize. Before she had been the kind of tough that seemed like a front to keep people at arm's length, but now she genuinely seemed to be the woman she had pretended to be before he went to Purgatory.

At the end of the hall Dean saw one last closed door that he could only assumed belonged to the master bedroom. Toni continued down the hall and didn't seem to remember that she wasn't alone because she didn't wait for Dean to catch up with her as she grabbed the doorknob. Dean was lagging so far behind because he was stopping to look at the pictures she had mounted on the wall. There were four frames lining the one side of the hallway with four to six pictures in each frame. His nephew was the only person present in all of the photos that chronicle his life from his first day to the present.

Toni stood in silence to allow Dean the time he needed to process what he was seeing. To look at her son today you would never know that Toni nearly lost him because he was born premature. She had had enough time to come to terms with it and she no longer felt like she was going to cry when she saw how fragile Ryan was during the first few months of his life, but she understood how overwhelming it could be for others to see for the first time.

When Dean finally made it to Toni's side, they both just shared a soft smile. No words were needed to be exchanged for Dean to know that Toni understood how he felt. Although on top of all of the emotions that were hitting him, Dean couldn't help but think about how much had changed in just a little over a year and a half. He was no longer the man that he was before going to Purgatory, but he had taken for granted that he would be the only one to change.

Toni eased open the door silently and immediately started to chuckle at the sight before her. Ryan's crib was pressed up against the wall at the foot of her bed and inside he was standing with his hands on the top wrung with a sleepy smile on his face.

"Hey Buddy," she cooed quietly as she walked towards his crib. He waited for her with his arms in the air and once Toni had him lifted into her arms she turned to Dean and said, "See? I told you it was part of our nightly routine."

He just nodded and waited for Toni to make the next move. She followed Dean's gaze and couldn't help but smile when she realized that he was staring at his nephew. She continued to pet the back of the sleepy toddler's head as she took a couple of steps towards Dean.

"Dean I'd like to officially introduce you to your nephew Ryan."

Dean reached out and touched the back of Ryan's head causing him to raise it up off Toni's shoulder. He was so used to it just being him and his mother that noticing there was another person in the room startled him slightly. Toni then turned her son around in her arms so that he was facing his uncle but Ryan just kept trying to turn his head and body so that he could look at his mother.

"Ryan this is your uncle Dean. Why don't you say hi to him?"

"Ma… Ma… Mama…" was the only reply Dean received from the now more alert child. "Mahhhh…"

Ryan started clapping his hands happily and he squirmed so much that Toni had to shift her hold on him to make sure that she wouldn't drop him. She then kissed his cheek then gently reprimanded him saying, "No baby, that's not 'Mama', he's uncle Dean. Come on say hi to Dean…"

Dean watched while Toni continued to whisper in her son's ear. His little face scrunched up in concentration while he listened to his mother speak. Dean was just about to tell Toni that it was no big deal and to just forget about it when Ryan's eyes shot open with a bright smile on his face.

"Un-kah… Unkah…" he chattered gleefully. "Un-kah Dee…"

"Good boy," Toni cheered quietly as she hugged her son tightly.

Ryan continued to chatter on quietly but for the most part it was just nonsense. Dean caught one of Ryan's hands that were flailing around as he said, "Heya Ryan. It's nice to meet you."

Ryan stopped moving and talking to stare at Dean's hand that was holding his own. Dean looked over at Toni and she just smiled serenely while she let her son get used to this new man in their life. The two adults remained absolutely silent while Ryan continued to scrutinize the man standing in front of him. Dean didn't move as Ryan's little hand started to pick at Dean's sleeve, but Toni did shift him in her arms again so that he had the freedom to move around as much as he wanted to while touching his uncle. Dean's eyes darted back and forth between the faces of the mother and son but he relaxed when he saw that Toni was watching her son with no reservations. Dean must have gotten distracted by his thoughts while watching Toni's face because the next thing that he knew he was being pulled out of his thoughts, quite literally, by Ryan tugging on his short hair. Ryan giggled happily but froze when Dean's hand instinctively hot up and wrapped around the little fist that was still holding his hair.

Toni's eyes quickly shot up to where Ryan's hand maintained a near death grip on Dean's hair. She opened her mouth to speak but it was Dean that eased the tension in the room by laughing and saying, "Hey little dude, I believe you're a Winchester, you don't have to strong arm me into believing it."

Toni tickled Ryan's ribs and playfully added, "Come on Riot, no more beating up Uncle Dean okay?"

Ryan maintained his tight hold on Dean's hair while he nervously looked between the two adults. When he finally realized that he wasn't in trouble, he opened s hand and started to giggle. Dean caught his small hand and guided it away from his hair while keeping a watchful eye on the young boy's face. Thankfully Ryan just continued to smile and giggle while turning to look up at his mother's face and he didn't seem to notice Dean at all anymore. Once Dean had released Ryan's hand he started to clap again while Toni cradled him closely to her body.

Dean started to say something but stopped when Toni held Ryan out at arm's length asking, "Did you want to hold him? Or… umm… or maybe give him a hug?" Dean just stared at Toni with a stunned look, so she pulled her arms back saying, "Sorry… Apparently I'm that mom who thinks that everyone wants to hold her kid. You don't have to… I know I hated it when people did that to me so I don't know why I keep doing it to everyone."

During her apology Toni had turned Ryan around so that she could place his head onto her shoulder. He immediately rested one cheek against her shoulder and fell completely silent once again. Dean took a step forward to place a gentle hand on Ryan's back and smile softly to help ease Toni's mind.

"Again I have to say that I wouldn't want to disturb him."

Toni smiled replying, "You won't… But seriously Dean no pressure."

Dean took a deep breath and then held his hands out to Toni without saying a word. She carefully turned Ryan around and then placed him in Dean's hands. Dean then shifted the small boy's body so that he was resting against his uncle's shoulder much like he had been on his mother's previously. Toni gently pet the back of her son's head and seemed reluctant to stop touching her child.

"He's already fallen back asleep," Dean whispered sounding completely in awe.

"Yeah," Toni said while motioning Dean over to Ryan's crib. "He's never really been a fussy baby except for when he's sick. But this last time he also had an ear infection so I can't really blame him for being so cranky."

"Really? How long ago was that?" Dean asked still keeping his voice quite low.

Toni lifted Ryan from Dean's hands and then lowered him back into his bed. She took a moment to adjust a toy that was hanging from the bars on the crib until a soft melody of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' began to play.

"Last week," Toni answered once she turned back to look at Dean. "In fact, I missed work last week Special Agent Smith because I was at home caring for my sick child so I have no knowledge of what really happened to Mister McGee." Dean smiled but shook his head at Toni's reply prompting her to say, "What? It just hit me that you didn't get a chance to interrogate Doc's receptionist yet so I figured I'd give you my statement now."

Dean once again shook his head and smiled. "Duly noted Miss… I mean Mrs. Winchester." They both chuckled then dean added, "But seriously I should probably get going so that you two can get some sleep."

"Sure," Toni replied quietly. She once again sounded like a lump was growing in her throat. Toni tried her best not to allow her emotions to show when she spoke, but it still could be heard when she said, "I'll show you out."

Although her apartment wasn't big enough for Dean to get lost, he still nodded and followed her back to the kitchen. She lingered beside the island twirling the photo album around while Dean put on his coat. He watched her with a wary eye and had a hundred different things pop into his head that he wanted to say to her, but he remained mute.

Toni still had her eyes fixated on the book under her hand after Dean had finished doing up his jacket so he politely cleared his throat to regain her attention.

"Sorry! Must have let my mind wander there for a second… here…"

Toni thrust the photo album at Dean with so much force, unintentionally, that she caused him to stumble. Once he had claimed it Toni then threw her arms around his torso to hug him tightly. He was still holding the photo album so his arms were effectively trapped between their bodies and the book so he couldn't reciprocate beyond a stunned, "Uhh… Toni?"

She shuddered and let out a quiet sob against his shoulder before she released him from her embrace. Toni knew that she had started to cry once again and her first instinct was to hide it, but she just didn't want to right now. Instead she let Dean see the tears as they escaped from her eyes while saying, "I really did miss you Dean and… and if it wasn't for me having to be careful because I have to watch out for Ryan, I swear I would have moved heaven and hell to help Sam find you and make sure you were saved. I don't know how you got back, but I'm damn happy you're you and that you figured out a way to get back."

Dean stared at Toni in silence for a minute as it dawned on him that he had somewhat brow beaten Toni into telling him the truth but he had managed to avoid doing the same. Toni could see the tension building in his shoulders while the self-deprecating thoughts started to form. Seeing that reaction from Dean was the last thing that Toni had wanted to see on his face after she had been so open and honest with him.

"Dean I didn't mean to make you feel bad, I'm…"

"No Toni you're right," Dean interrupted a little more tersely than he had meant to sound. "I promised I'd tell you the truth if you came clean with me and… Well you held up your end so I should…"

Toni placed two fingers over Dean's lips to silence him. She then said, "No Dean it's late. The next time we get together you can tell me all about what happened with you. And believe me, I do want to hear it, but I should try to get some rest before I head in to work tomorrow."

Dean nodded then shifted the book into his right arm so that he could give Toni a side hug with his left as he replied, "Alright that sounds reasonable enough. But thank you Toni. This isn't… I mean things now… everything makes a bit more sense now, so thank you for your honesty." He released her form his grasp and tried to give her a strong smile. "Sweet dreams."

He then opened the door with a quiet 'good night'. As he stepped into the hall Toni caught the door and meant to just say 'good night' but she instead used a hushed yell to call out, "Hey Dean?" He paused then moved closer to Toni so that she could actually talk without fearing that she would disturb her neighbors. "Just so you know… If… umm… if you ever find yourself stranded up here any time, you're more than welcome to crash in the guest room."

Dean nodded and moved even closer to her as he quietly replied, "Thanks, but I have to ask… is the offer only good for me?"

Toni shrugged against the door and looked down at where her toe was kicking the tile lightly as she answered, "Well you actually called me back…" She forced herself to look Dean in the eye to say, "If your brother ever sacks up enough to call me… well not even me, if he ever calls to check on his son then MAYBE I would possible consider extending him the same courtesy…"

"So the door isn't closed?" Dean clarified with an almost hopeful tone.

Toni smiled coyly then said, "My doors…" She tapped the one she was holding. "They may be closed, locked and warded, but so long as you aren't an angel or demon you will always be welcome in this home. Well anyone who CALLS to check in that is."

Dean didn't miss how Toni placed an extra emphasis on the word 'call' as he nodded then said, "Sounds good. I'll call you soon sister-in-law."

Toni blushed replying, "Okay good… but it will sound even better if it's after you vanquish whatever killed Jimmy." Dean's scowl told Toni he didn't understand her joke so she clarified, "Mister McGee."

Dean's eyes went comically big and he tried not to laugh. "Oh my God, his name was Jimmy? Shit maybe he did just off himself because of his name." Toni gave that comment the look it deserved prompting Dean to more somberly say, "I promise we'll get to the bottom of it. Good night Toni."

She watched Dean for the half minute he had to wait for the elevator. Just as the doors opened she broke herself out of her thoughts to quietly call out, "Good night Dean. Take care of yourself." Once the elevator doors had closed on a waving Dean Toni allowed herself to whisper to the empty hallway, "And take care of Sam."

Toni closed the door slowly to make as little noise as possible before she turned to look at her apartment… her home. The first things she noticed were the remnants of Dean's presence that were strewn about her kitchen and living room. She felt her breath catch at the realization of what tonight could mean for her life. She had let him in and had metaphorically left the door open for him to come back. Why had she done that when she had spent months creating a life that was so completely unlike the one she lived with the Winchesters? She thought neither of them would fit into this life and yet it didn't feel wrong having Dean here.

Toni shook her head to get herself back on track. Yes Dean had visited, but Toni didn't hold much hope for a repeat appearance from him anytime soon. She felt conflicted emotions about what she had done tonight and was just thankful that her son was young enough that this experience shouldn't have the same effect on him as it did on her. Or was he old enough now that it could? Before those thoughts had a chance to run wild in her mind, Toni decided to tackle a problem that she could solve right now; cleaning up her apartment. She told herself repeatedly that she wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary because she always made sure that everything was put back in its place before she went to bed. She most definitely wasn't doing it so that she could avoid thinking about the Winchesters. She wasn't… and if you don't believe it, don't worry Toni didn't either.

Dean stepped out of the elevator on the ground floor and took a moment in the lobby to take stock. He and Sam had come to the Pacific Northwest because they, well no SAM, had found a series of deaths that seemed to have fallen under the umbrella of their expertise. For a split second Dean wondered if it wasn't an accident that Sam had led the two of them here and then he remembered the photo album that he was holding in a near death grip. His thumb quickly carded through the pages of the photos Toni had artfully placed on each page while he thought. No, if Sam knew that Toni was here with his son, Dean was sure that Sam would have spilled the beans by now.

As he walked out the front doors Dean reminded himself that he saw through every ruse that his soul-less brother had tried to feed him so there was no way that Sam with a would ever be able to deceive him to this extent. Well deception was a common player on the board for any hunter, but his Sam would never deliberately mislead the ones he loved if he knew how much it could hurt them, right?

Dean was still trying to figure out why his brother might have lied to him when he realized that he had yet to call himself a cab. He continued walking down the sidewalk in the direction of the motel where he was staying as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He was just about to hit 'SEND' to call 411 when he heard something that made him freeze in his spot. It only took a second for Dean's scowl to morph into a wide grin before his expression once again contorted into a scowl. In that time he slipped his phone back into his jacket pocket so that he could focus his attention on the sound that had distracted him so easily.

Sam didn't even get a chance to call out of the open window on the passenger side before Dean slipped into Sam's usual seat. Dean tried to settle into the unfamiliar spot, but he remained somewhat fidgety as he placed the photo album Toni had given him on his lap. In a strange way it felt right that Sam had been waiting for him when he'd left his sister-in-law's (it still sounded awkward to Dean) home and yet Sam wasn't supposed to know where Dean was going to be so he couldn't help but feel suspicious.

Dean let the silence become thick between them while the photo album started to feel like a lead weight on his lap. Sam continued to stare out of the windshield at nothing and didn't seem to be bothered by the silence growing inside the Impala. In fact he hadn't even shown any signs of acknowledging that he had noticed that his brother had joined him at all. Dean suddenly started to feel uneasy about his brother driving his car while being so distracted that he didn't even know who was sitting in the passenger seat.

With that at the forefront of his mind, Dean cleared his throat loudly to try to gain his brother's attention before asking, "How long?"

Dean didn't elaborate because he was sure that Sam knew what he had meant to ask with his simple question. Sam still didn't seem to have notice Dean at all, but Sam did move his eyes so that he was looking at Toni's apartment building through the rearview mirror as he replied, "A couple of months."

Not even trying to hide his surprise Dean fully turned in his seat to face his brother asking, "What?!"

Sam just shrugged and didn't take his eyes off the rearview mirror saying, "I pretty much figured out where they were a week after she moved out of the house we had rented together."

Dean just nodded while he watched Sam pull out a legal-sized manila envelope from a spot on the driver's door. He didn't miss that his brother had yet to remove his eyes from the rearview mirror as Sam continued, "She's been smart… I figured out the apartment building easy enough, but her suite number has eluded me, so… Dean… What was the apartment number you visited tonight?

Dean opened his mouth to reply but quickly closed it when his eyes became fixated on the envelope in his brother's lap. Everything that Toni had said replayed in his mind and Dean couldn't help but play advocate for his sister-in-law. (This time that term didn't feel so foreign for him to use.)

"Sam," Dean started cautiously. "I… uhh… I think that you should take a look at this before you do anything else."

Sam rested a hand on the book that Dean had placed against his thigh and on the seat between them. His eyes didn't move at all and looked as if he thought that the apartment would disappear if he took his eyes off of it. Dean eyes tracked from Sam's face to the rearview mirror to the photo album in an unending loop while he tried to gage his brother's mood to see if he might be getting through to Sam at all.

"Dude? Why don't you just call her? It's obvious…"

"No," Sam interrupted sharply. "No… I… I can't do that."

Dean shook his head and watched his brother out of the corner of his eyes. Sam's hands flexed on the steering wheel as he kept his gaze steadfastly fixed on the image in the mirror. Sam's jaw flexed as if he wanted to say more, but he was keeping his mouth shut and Dean couldn't tell if it was to keep from telling his secrets or if it was for some other reason. Normally he would spill the beans once Dean had called him on it, but right now Sam didn't look like he wanted to open up to his brother at all, let alone anytime soon.

As he opened his mouth to speak Dean noticed that Sam had not seemed to have been aware that that Dean had passed him the photo album. Dean allowed his brother another minute of silence to watch Toni's apartment building before clearing his throat again and asking, "What did she say Sam? Why can't you call her and visit your son? Especially… well since I know that deep down that's what you both want to happen."

Sam's eyes finally moved from the rearview mirror so that he could glare at his brother. "I said that I can't do that Dean," Sam answered with a growl.

"Yeah I heard you." Dean then continued while sounding bewildered, "But why Sam? Why can't you call your wife?"

Dean thought that he might be pushing it by asking his question that way, but the look that his brother gave him told him that he most definitely had crossed a line. Sam's mouth snapped shut and his jaw flexed a couple of times while he tried to swallow his rage. When he opened his mouth again the only sound that escaped his lips was an incensed warning of, "Dean…"

The elder Winchester threw his hands up as if he was going to surrender as he said, "Okay… okay… But seriously she must have thrown more than a few nasty insults your way for you to be acting like this."

"Dean," Sam started sounding more like he was sad than he was angry. "Dean it's just that… she doesn't… I…"

"No Sam she does and to be honest I'm sick and tired of you lying to me. Look man…" Dean relented slightly and soften his tone as he continued, "Your wife and son are in an apartment just half a block behind us. She misses you man, I can tell that she does, and Ryan… The kid deserves to know his father, so… I know something went down while I was in Purgatory… What was it? What did she do… or say that made you think that she close the door on you forever?"

Sam was still shaking his head prompting Dean to add in a bit of a pleading tone in his voice (even though he would never have admitted it). "Seriously Sam something big must have gone down and I don't know… maybe… maybe I can help to… you know clear some things up like I used to for you guys."

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes but still replied, "She told me never to come back. I know she's read all of the books to the point she's almost got them memorized so I'm sure that she intentionally quoted Dad when she said it… So I know that I was never welcomed in our home again."

"Okay… and those were her exact words?"

"What?"

Sam was looking increasingly frustrated so Dean forced himself to keep an even tone while he asked, "What did she actually say? I swear it's important… Can you quote her words to the letter?"

After another indignant scoff Sam shook his head and looked at nothing on the other side of the driver's side window. "Of course I can give you the direct quote Dean. Do you think I don't replay what she said in my mind every single day that… every day? Because I do Dean… I do…"

Sam went unnervingly quiet for a moment before he turned to look at his brother. Dean could have sworn that he saw tears glistening in his brother's eyes but he didn't get a chance to recant his previous demand before Sam answered, "She said that I could do whatever the fuck I wanted but she was going to give our son the normal fucking life that neither of us got to live and…" Sam paused there and resumed his steadfast observation of Toni's apartment building. When he resumed speaking his voice sounded so distant that Dean wasn't even sure that his brother was conscious of his presence anymore. "And she told me that if I left then there really was no point of me going back there." Sam turned to face his brother again while a tear escaped his eye. "Don't you get it Dean, she basically quoted Dad just like you did when I went off with… well you know, but the fact that she was willing to pretty much throw his words in my face told me that she didn't want me back in their lives."

"Going back to them? Or going back 'there' like the physical place?" Dean asked cautiously while ignoring the rest of his brother's statement.

Sam still looked sad and unsure when he asked, "What? What do you mean?"

Since Dean had Sam nearly engaged in an actual conversation, he wanted to proceed with care as he asked, "When you say that she told you not to 'come back' was it like she was telling you to stay away from her and your son forever or…? Or was she so pissed off that she wanted to remind you, admittedly in one of the harshest ways possible, that she was moving to start that new 'normal' life you envisioned for Ryan, so you going back to Madison would have been completely pointless?"

"Well…" Sam started after a moment. His eyebrows turned down into such a hard scowl that it actually look like it might hurt. "Well when you put it that way I… I guess… God, I'm not sure."

"Okay… okay…" _Getting there!_ Dean told himself. He knew that he had to remain gentle or he'd screw this up and Sam would clam up on him again. "Alright so think back… to before you left… what were the exact words that she screamed at you through her tears?"

He didn't mean to, but Sam actually laughed at that comment because he had forgotten how well that Dean had gotten to know his… gotten to know Toni. "Okay… Right…" Sam seemed to recoil into himself which meant that he was once again staring into the rearview mirror. He then recited with ease, "She said that if I fucking left then there was no point in me returning back there. She said that if I chose hunting then I wouldn't find anything I cared about in Madison, so I might as well just stay away."

_Madison_ Dean thought with a silent sigh. _Good, so I wasn't wrong._ To his brother Dean tried his best not to sound too cheery when he said, "Right and you won't because they're here." Dean took in a deep breath and sat up straighter in his seat and then picked up the photo album. "Seriously Sam before you do ANYTHING else, please just take a minute to look at this."

Dean tried to sound like he wasn't begging, but Sam knew that his brother was close to doing so. One thing his brother and father had in common was that they rarely made requests. Giving orders…? Yeah both of them were good at giving orders, but actually asking someone to do something? And to do it so politely…? Not on your life, so to hear Dean be so civil Sam was slightly thrown off his game for a minute and he didn't know quite what to say.

"Okay," Sam finally conceded, although he did sound somewhat confused. "Okay Dean… I'll look at that before I make any final decisions… But in all honesty I don't think that it will really change anything. I'm sorry Dean but that's the truth."

Dean smiled and as he replied, "Okay good. Now I could use some sleep so that we can figure out what the hell killed Jimmy McGee…"

Sam started the Impala and as he drove away he flatly stated, "Already figured it out… And the bones have been salted and burned… Why do you think that I showed up here just a little bit after you arrived at Toni's place?"

As soon as Toni had her apartment back to the same state it had been in before Dean's visit, she hurried down the hallway to her room. Even though she no longer felt tired, Toni rushed to her room so that she could be with her son. Whenever she was feeling anxious about anything, she found that Ryan was a calming presence for her. She wasn't exactly sure why that was, but if she was pressed for an answer she would probably have said that it was because she was solely focused on her son's well-being when she had him in her arms or whenever she was in the same room as him. There was no room for self-doubt in her mind when Ryan was in her sight.

Just like he had been when Toni had come to the room with Dean, Ryan was waiting for her and was standing up in his crib. Toni smiled brightly and laughed softly as she said, "Hey you… What are you doing up again?"

She could tell that he was more tired than he had been during her previous visit because Ryan didn't reach out to her to help her lift him up into her arms. Instead he just rubbed one of his tiny fists against his eyes while he kept himself balanced in the crib with a tight grip on one of the bars with his other hand. He was also completely silent which was the first tell-tale sign that Toni had grown to recognize as an indication that her little guy was ready to call it a night. If he was chattering while standing in his crib she knew that she pretty much had to pick him up and rock him back to sleep (which was usually as quick as it had been for Dean earlier in the night), but if he was silent then she usually just had to ease him back down onto his crib's mattress and he would immediately fall asleep on his own.

Tonight most definitely wasn't one of their usual nights. As the events of the last few hours started to catch up with her, Toni felt more and more like she needed some reassurance. As such she slipped her hands under each of her son's armpits and lifted him into a hug in one smooth movement.

Ryan cooed out a couple of soft sounds against her shoulder and then fell silent again as he fell asleep in her arms once again. Toni could feel the soft in and out of his breaths against her neck and she allowed herself to get lost in the sensation that that action evoked. She cradled him in the crook of her left arm as she started rubbing soft circles on his back while humming the last song that she heard on the radio.

One of the things Toni loved about her apartment was the view that she had. Across from the main street at the front of her building was a small park. Inside that park there was a playground of sorts that she couldn't wait for Ryan to explore along with picnic tables where families would congregate whenever the sun was out. There were also a few flower beds with flowers that Toni couldn't have named without looking them up online. The trees that were scattered around in bunches bloomed a variety of pale colors in the spring and Toni couldn't wait to see what colors they would turn come autumn. Every day since she had settled in her new home Toni found herself at this bank of windows just gazing out at the view before her. Some days her mind just went quiet where she focused on nothing in particular, but other days the activities in the park caused her mind to wander and to play out different scenarios that would probably never become reality.

Tonight Toni found herself plagued with visions of things that were never meant to be. In her mind's eye she could see the Impala parked near the entrance of the park on a beautiful sunny day. While passersby's admired the sleek lines of the classic American muscle car under the hot summer sun, a young boy was learning how to play catch on a patch of grass. His mother and grandmother were laying out food for a picnic while they chatted quietly together. His proud grandfather stood to one side clapping and giving enthusiastic words of encouragement while the little boy pulled his arm back to throw. The ball left his hand and flew through the air with a soft arc into the waiting mitt…

That's where she forced herself not to finish her thought. She knew that neither man that could have parked the Impala by her home was going to be an active participant in her son's life, so Toni knew that she couldn't allow herself to entertain fantasies the show anything different. She had tried her best to come to terms with Sam's absence, but she also knew that somewhere in the back of her mind she would always hold a small glimmer of hope that he would come to his senses and return to them to complete their family circuit.

Toni hugged her sleeping son against her shoulder and whispered, "I'm so sorry baby… I never meant for things to turn out like this… You… you deserve better…"

Ryan just answered her with his deep, rhythmic breathing so she decided that she should try to follow his lead. She couldn't change anything immediately that night, or possibly ever with Sam, so there was no point in just fretting about it or losing sleep over it. The future was out of her hands and she didn't want to allow herself to create any false hope for herself or Ryan. Yes the American Dream always seemed like it was an illusion to Toni, but that was back when she had thought that there was only one version of that dream that was true. Now she knew that a lot of people took control and transformed the cookie cutter dream into something that was tangible and completely real. That was the version she wanted her son to know and was the future she was going to put all of her energy into attaining.

With that more pleasant resolve dominating her thoughts, Toni felt like she might actually be able to fall asleep for the night. As she turned towards her bed, she felt her whole body tense up and Ryan squeaked out a small sound when her grip became uncomfortably tight. Toni didn't register the sound because her mind remained so intensely focused on the flash of chrome and black metal that she had caught out of the corner of her eye.

At first she tried to convince herself that she was paranoid because Dean had just visited and it was completely reasonable to see the Impala because how else would he have gotten to her apartment from his motel? Then her brain started to become more alert because she finally remembered that Dean had told her that he was going to catch a cab in case Sam needed to use the car for a follow up on their case. She then whipped her body around and quickly closed the small distance between herself and her bedroom window to get a better look.

Her eyes moved rapidly and then more slowly up and down the street looking for any sign of the car she was sure wasn't just a figment of her imagination. The street was empty except for one car parked across from her building, but it was a newer model red import that no one could have mistaken for being Dean's Impala. She was so convinced that the image she briefly saw was real that she wouldn't allow herself to believe what she was now seeing.

Toni's grip remained so strong and tight that Ryan started to stir and make soft noises of complaint. She finally remembered that she was holding her baby and forced herself to loosen her grip. She then rubbed his back gently and kissed his head.

"Sorry baby… Mama's just going crazy," Toni whispered against Ryan's head. "Just go back to sleep… everything's alright…"

Toni allowed herself one last look outside before turning back to go to bed. Normally she slept alone in her king-sized bed, but tonight he walked past Ryan's crib with him still in her arms. He had once again fallen back into a deep sleep and remained that way as she gently placed him in the center of the bed.

As she changed into her pajamas, Toni only took her eyes off the sleeping tot when it was absolutely necessary. She left her clothes in a pile beside the bed, something she rarely did, if ever anymore, and then she crawled under her sheets. After settling onto her side close to her son, she ran a soft hand over Ryan's cheek and then rested her arm over his small body. She didn't really want him to get into the habit of crawling into bed with her, but tonight she needed the comfort of his presence close by to calm her down so that she could sleep. As always that was exactly what happened and she fell asleep with a smile on her lips. The last thing she saw before she slipped out of total consciousness for the night was her son and all thoughts of the Impala and its owners were forgotten. As she dreamt her only hope was that those thoughts would stay away forever.


End file.
